In early sobriety, I spent a lot of time wishing I could be like everyone else and have a glass of wine at dinner without ending up in a downward spiral. I wanted to be able to relax the way other people did. But I’ve learned over these nine years that the relaxation I envied wasn’t healthy for me. My relaxation today is deeper because I can decide to let go at any time without tucking all my problems into my “dark place” only to see them again in the morning bigger and more terrifying.

That same mindset shift is happening in stroke recovery. I still wish my vision worked like everyone else’s to do all the things I want to do. I do have moments of jealousy, like knowing I can’t go biking with a friend or play volleyball at a summer picnic. But instead of staring at what is missing in my life and the space left behind, I’m filling it with new possibilities. I have new hobbies and am connecting more deeply in ways I never would have without the stroke. The abundance in my life that has filled the empty space is what I focus on. I’m not a victim of what’s happened to me or of my own thinking. I choose to see my differences as the reason my life is richer, not poorer, and I believe that over time, both in sobriety and stroke recovery, I’ll only grow more grateful to be exactly who I am.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

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