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In this powerful solo episode, Andi walks parents through a foundational truth: you can't help your child regulate if you're still dysregulated yourself. When your child melts down, it’s easy to default to scripts and strategies—yet what your child truly needs is your steady presence. Andi explains how stress animals show up in parenting, why awareness is the first step, and what it really means to become the anchor your child can return to when they’re overwhelmed.

This is Step 3 of Andi’s CARE5™ framework—focused on Regulating Yourself before trying to co-regulate your child.

Key Takeaways

• You can’t co-regulate a child if you’re still activated yourself.
• Knowing your stress animal (shark, clownfish, turtle) helps you interrupt reaction cycles.
• It’s not about getting calm perfectly—it’s about noticing when you’re not.
• Regulation starts with awareness, not strategy.
• You don’t need to fix everything in the moment—your presence is what matters most.

Episode Highlights

[00:00] Why this episode goes before calming your child: it starts with your nervous system.

[02:00] Introduction to the CARE5™ model and its previous steps.

[04:00] “You can’t be the anchor when you’re caught in the wave.”

[06:00] A compassionate reminder that no parent can be calm 100% of the time.

[07:30] Adult stress animals: how yours show up fast in parenting.

[09:00] What happens when a child’s shark triggers your shark (or clownfish or turtle)?

[10:30] You can be a firm shark without being in threat mode.

[12:00] Real-world example: a clownfish parent with a turtle child.

[14:30] “Your nervous system leads the way”—why your calm comes first.

[16:00] Think of your calm as a dock in the storm.

[17:00] Fire drills and stress practice: why we train outside the meltdown.

[18:30] The first shift isn’t behavior—it’s noticing.

[20:00] What your child needs most is you—not the perfect tool or script.

[21:00] How to work with Andi if you want deeper support.

Resources Mentioned

• Episode 110: Understanding Your Child’s Stress Animal: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0vlnDR2iEqZ8K57YxJ5xU7?si=lCs7WKO6TUubNAUpMP_AyQ
• Episode 116: Changing the Lens on Behavior (Step 1 of CARE5™): https://open.spotify.com/episode/0t1mfLsWM6M3szf7PTJwYy?si=0156f0f2a94240b0

Ready to become the steady anchor your child needs? Start by calming your own waves first.