Anxiety and Dating

Let’s be real. Dating is vulnerable. You’re meeting new people, putting yourself out there, and sometimes sitting across from a complete stranger wondering if you’ve got spinach in your teeth or if they’ve got 100 red flags.

It’s normal for anxiety to pop up in the process.

And when you’re dating after 40, 50, or 60, there can be an extra layer of pressure. You’ve lived a life, maybe raised kids, had long-term relationships, or gone through heartbreak. You know what you want (and what you don’t), but that doesn’t mean your nervous system always cooperates.

The truth is, a little bit of anxiety is completely normal in dating. The key is learning how to work with it instead of letting it run the show.

Anxiety shows up for lots of reasons:

• Worrying if you’ll be liked or accepted
• Overthinking texts and messages
• Playing out “what ifs” before the date even happens
• Reliving past disappointments and assuming they’ll happen again

Our brains are wired for survival, not romance. So if you feel that racing heart before a date, that’s just your body trying to protect you. The good news? You can calm your system and still show up as your authentic, magnetic self.

Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply before opening the apps or walking into a date. A few slow breaths tell your body: “I’m safe. I’ve got this.”

You don’t have to reply to messages instantly. You don’t have to say yes to every invitation. Protecting your energy by moving at your pace reduces overwhelm.

Turn getting ready into self-care. Light a candle, play music, wear something that makes you feel radiant. This shifts the focus from “Will he like me?” to “Do I feel good in myself?”

Not every date will lead to love. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Each date is practice, information, and sometimes even just a funny story to share with friends.

Write down three things you love about yourself before a date. Keep them in your mind as you walk in. When you’re anchored in your own worth, anxiety loses its grip.

Dating doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence. When you can notice your anxiety without judging it, give yourself compassion, and take small steps to soothe your body, dating becomes less about pressure and more about possibility.

So the next time your heart races before a date, remind yourself: This is just energy. This is my body protecting me. And I get to choose how I dance with it.

Because love isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being real and showing up anyway. 💕

I have found that especially as I am now in peri-menopause, my anxiety has increased and dating exacerbates that. I have had to really lean into nervous system regulation as I can easily become dysregulated in this dating journey.

One day, before a date with a guy I really like, I felt him go cold and withdraw his energy. I couldn't regulate my nervous system and I had to go to a dear friend's house to borrow some regulation!

Here’s to learning more about ourselves and self-regulating. If you’re comfortable sharing, I would love to know more about your experience of anxiety and dating, and if you have any tips to share.

And…here’s my album on Spotify that is great music to pump you up for your date:

Sugar Rush on Spotify

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