Feeling constantly disappointed by your partner—or feeling like you're always the one disappointing them? This painful dynamic shows up in nearly every relationship, creating a loop of frustration that can feel impossible to escape.

As a therapist and someone who's lived this pattern in my own marriage, I can tell you there's a way out. The breakthrough comes from understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system during these interactions. When you feel disappointed, your body moves into a "fight" response—you take over responsibilities, complain, or try to "fix" your partner. Meanwhile, your partner's system responds with "freeze"—withdrawing, avoiding, or shutting down. Neither response is wrong; both are protective mechanisms trying to keep you safe.

What keeps this cycle spinning are the stories we attach to these experiences. "If I don't do it, nobody will." "I'm always letting them down." "Things will never change." These narratives feel absolutely true, but they're actually interpretations your brain automatically attaches to nervous system responses—and they can be questioned.

The path forward involves regulating your nervous system before approaching conflicts, examining your stories, and getting curious about how you might unconsciously contribute to maintaining the very dynamic you want to change. Most surprising for me was discovering part of my identity was wrapped up in "doing it all"—I was unconsciously resistant to true partnership!

The Imago Intentional Dialogue offers a structured way to break this pattern, creating safety for both partners to explore what's happening beneath the surface. This isn't about putting up with frustration—it's about creating conditions where both partners can grow together toward the relationship you truly want.

Ready to shift this dynamic in your relationship? Subscribe to follow this series, and reach out if you're interested in relationship therapy, coaching, or attending a Getting the Love You Want workshop where you can learn these transformative tools firsthand.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.