I was on a date, sitting across the table with a drink in hand, telling him about this funny pattern in my life. Everywhere I go, people give me things for free. A cupcake here, a sample there, little gifts that just seem to find me.

I laughed as I said it, then added, almost as an afterthought, that what I don’t like in dating is being breadcrumbed. I’m over it. I don’t want crumbs of attention, I want the whole loaf.

Not two minutes later, as if the universe wanted to prove a point, one of the bar staff walked over, looked me directly in the eye, and asked, “Do you want this loaf of sourdough bread?”

A full, gourmet loaf, not just a slice. I couldn’t have scripted it better if I tried. The kitchen was closing, and they had extras, but to me it felt like a sign. Ask for the loaf, and the loaf will come.

That’s the thing about breadcrumbing in dating. It looks like little texts that don’t lead anywhere, vague promises of plans that never happen, likes on your photos without a real conversation.

It’s attention in tiny bites, just enough to keep you hanging on, but never enough to actually nourish you. And for a while, it can feel flattering or hopeful.

You think, maybe if I stick around, these crumbs will add up to something. But they don’t. They just keep you hungry.

That night reminded me that settling for crumbs only leaves you unsatisfied.

The right person won’t ration out their time and affection like it’s scarce. They’ll show up fully, with effort, with intention, with consistency.

They’ll bring you the whole loaf, warm and hearty, without you having to beg for it.

So now, when I notice someone breadcrumbing me, I don’t take it as a challenge to win them over. I take it as a clear answer. Crumbs aren’t enough. I’ll wait for the loaf.

And if the universe happens to send it straight to my table while I’m telling the story on a date, all the better.

If you’re noticing breadcrumbing in your own dating life, here are a few gentle ways to handle it:

• Notice the pattern and name it for what it is. A crumb is just a crumb, not a promise of more.
• Ask yourself how you feel after each interaction. Do you feel good, valued, connected, or do you feel strung along?
• Communicate clearly if you want more. Sometimes people don’t realise they’re coasting, and it’s fair to say, “I’m looking for more consistency.”
• If nothing changes, step back. Protect your energy and keep space open for someone who’s ready to give more than a crumb.

Because at the end of the day, you don’t need to survive on scraps. You deserve the loaf.

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Love

Ayesha