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Fair can feel like justice. In divorce, it often becomes a trap. In this episode, we sat down with attorney and managing partner Sara Marler to explore why “I just want what’s fair” derails strategy, inflates costs, and delays peace—and how a trauma-informed, whole-person approach helps clients pivot toward outcomes they can actually live with. Sara opens the curtain on what courts really weigh under standards like “just and equitable,” why judges prioritize clarity over grievance, and how stories of betrayal still matter when they are used to guide better decisions rather than to fuel a courtroom campaign.

Together, we map the gap between emotional fairness and legal reality, then show how to close it with reframing, education, and the right team. You’ll hear how validating a client’s experience builds trust, how divorce coaches reduce legal fees by handling the emotional heavy lifting, and why amicable and collaborative professionals consistently deliver faster, more sustainable results than “shark” tactics. We also talk practical tools—mindfulness, targeted parenting classes, curated resources—that help parents stop scorekeeping and design plans centered on children’s needs, not adult ego.

If you’re navigating separation or advising clients through it, this conversation offers a clear path from conflict to closure: focus on what you can control, choose resolution over vindication, and measure success by stability, not revenge. Divorce splits one household into two; it won’t look the same, and that’s okay. The goal is a livable outcome that protects your kids, your wallet, and your future self.

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To learn more about Sara visit her practice website at: https://marlerlawpartners.com/

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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What if the word “fair” is quietly keeping clients stuck? We dive into the emotional gravity of fairness and show how precise language, neutral validation, and clean reflection can move people from moral courtroom to practical resolution. Guest Evelyn Marley—DCA-certified ADR divorce coach and host of the Fight Less podcast—joins us to unpack how communication tools like silence, mirroring, and micro-reframes lower defensiveness and open pathways to agreement without erasing emotion.

In this episode, we explore the distinction between validating feelings and approving positions, and we tackle the confirmation bias that often sways even well-meaning professionals. You’ll hear how to translate fairness into interests and needs, keep the focus future-facing, and align choices with a client’s best-self vision. We talk through reality-testing, the power of asking “Is it true?”, and why strategic pauses can surface insights that scripted speeches can’t. Most importantly, we define “good enough” as a value-aligned, livable threshold—not a surrender—so clients can choose progress without betraying their core.

Along the way, we spotlight common language traps that entrench conflict and offer practical prompts you can use today: clarifying what “fair” means to the client, reflecting small shifts that build momentum, and inviting clients to say the unsaid in a safe space. Conflict communication is a learnable skill, and when you change the words, you change the trajectory.

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About Evelyn:

Evelyn Marley is DCA® certified divorce and communication coach who helps people handle hard conversations by reframing conflict. Evelyn draws from mediation training, divorce coaching, and communication studies and her work centers on awareness, boundaries, repair, and language that lowers defensiveness and escalation.

She is also the host of the Fight(Less) Podcast, where she interviews experts who help people transform and use conflict management as a skill for repair, growth and deeper connection even during life's difficult challenges.

How to reach Evelyn:
Email: reframingconflict@gmail.com
Website: https://www.evelynmarleycoaching.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/evelynmarley/
Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5UZZMzwtPVGc1WeinCcDY9?si=883fa51bbafe4a6c

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Fair feels righteous, but it quietly keeps so many divorces stuck. We pull back the curtain on why “I just want what’s fair” becomes a trap and how a resolution-focused approach creates momentum, protects your energy, and ends conflict sooner. Instead of treating divorce like a moral tribunal, we frame it as a structured exit from a shared legal, financial, and parenting arrangement—one that rewards clear thinking and workable agreements over symbolic victories.

We start by separating two often-blurred ideas: fairness is an evaluation; resolution is a process. That single distinction changes the questions you ask and the outcomes you reach. You’ll hear how fairness multiplies objections, turns every proposal into a referendum on the past, and collapses time horizons. Then we lay out the resolution metrics that actually matter in mediation and negotiation: durability, conflict exposure, ease of implementation, and long-term autonomy. These criteria help you choose options you may not love but can accept—and acceptance is what unlocks closure.

A composite client story brings the shift to life. This is the quiet stall many reasonable people fall into: no yelling, just months of evaluation through a fairness lens. The breakthrough happens with one core question—what happens if you keep negotiating for fairness? Mapping real costs across time, money, emotional bandwidth, and co‑parenting reveals the truth: fairness isn’t producing relief. Resolution can. We also take on emotional justice head-on. Divorce processes don’t deliver moral verdicts; they deliver exit strategies. Healing belongs in therapy and community, not in your settlement terms.

If you’re a professional, we show how ADR-aligned divorce coaching teaches decision literacy and helps clients tolerate imperfect outcomes in service of a livable future. If you’re navigating your own divorce, you’ll leave with practical language, sharper filters, and a redefined vision of success: less escalation, greater stability, and fewer future flashpoints—especially for families with children.

Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway so we can keep building smarter, resolution-centered tools for you.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com