In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami address the facts about forgiveness, trust, connection and peace, both in the early days of recovery as well as years down the road. They offer strategies for effective in-house separation, call out the warning signs of gaslighting, and get serious about setting feelings aside to start facing the facts.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:30] How can I find an accountability partner for filtering software?

[7:20] Is it a slip or a relapse?

[9:20] What are appropriate time frames and factors for recovery?

[14:45] Healing, peace and connection after betrayal.

[19:21] How can I intimately connect with my spouse after my betrayal?

[25:47] I caught my husband in the middle of his lies. Now what?

[33:24] Are there options for inpatient treatment for betrayed partners?

[38:20] Strategies for effective in-house separation.

[39:45] My husband wants to leave to find external validation, I want him to stay. What do I do?

[44:53] Is my betraying partner gaslighting me through recovery too?

[50:19] Is it normal for the betraying spouse to be terrified of formal disclosure?

[54:17] How can we stay together without trust?

[58:15] It’s been 5 years since D-day and I’m finally ready to move out. How can I stay strong in my decision?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “Life is full of triggers. What is it that you’re going to do about your triggers?”

• “You will never trust in the same way again. But to be at peace is a whole different thing.”

• “Intimacy is revealing yourself emotionally, and ultimately, sexually as well.”

• “Honesty is the crux of recovery. You cannot be in recovery and constantly lying about everything.”

• “Feelings aren’t facts. In recovery, your feelings are less relevant than the facts of what you’re going through.”