How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 299…My mommy always said there were no monsters. No real ones. But there are.

Alien Resurrection (1997) is the concluding chapter in the Alien Quadrilogy, and introduces Ripley 8, a supercharged Xeno-human hybrid of Ellen Ripley, cloned in a lab to act as a genetic vessel to recover the Xenomorphs from the annals of history 200 years after both they and Ripley were obliterated in molten lava at the end of Alien 3. It really is as simple as that.

We settle some unfinished business with the lesser-loved film in one of our favourite franchises, talk about the pros and cons of 90s cool girl action, query the logic of bringing a ticking time bomb along as a passenger, and indeed the logic of firing a continent-sized bomb at Earth to save lives, and marvel at the biggest and best shoulder hair ever captured on film.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Ellen Ripley died trying to wipe this species out. For all intents and purposes, she succeeded!

Next time on the Patreon, we’re covering Jacob’s Ladder, ahead of our big episode 300 triple bill on the Fear Street trilogy.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 298…and at 50, it all stops.

The Substance (2024) follows Elisabeth Sparkle, a fading Hollywood star who is fired from her TV fitness show when she reaches 50. Learning of ‘The Substance’, a black market pharmaceutical product that promises to create ‘a better version of you’, she signs up, producing Sue - a younger, idealised version of herself who soon finds the stardom Elisabeth has lost. But, despite being the same person, Elisabeth and Sue become increasingly fractious roommates, and as their contempt for one another grows, disaster ensues.

We break down one of the best films of the last year, a tour-de-force of body horror maximalism, featuring a million shots of an arse, disgusting eating sounds and jaw-dropping prosthetic effects. But is it good? Does it, while highlighting the objectification of women, objectify women in turn? And how much arse is too much arse? All this and more to come.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Everything comes from you. Everything is you. This is simply a better version of yourself.

Anyone can feel strong hiding behind a piece of metal. I prefer to know my own strength.

Love Lies Bleeding (2024) tells the story of Lou, a gym owner who falls in love with Jackie, a gym user who plans to enter a bodybuilding contest. As they fall deeper in love, they become tied up in violence, deception and crime - all thanks to Lou’s family and their violent, deceitful, criminal ways.

We offer investigation tips to the FBI, question whose perspective you can really trust, and question the true romantic intention in giving someone drugs the moment you meet them.

All of which leads to one question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure:

It's the ones you love the most who always disappoint you in the end.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 296…and you’d be surprised what the human brain can edit out when it can't handle the truth.

Censor (2021) follows Enid, a censor at the BBFC during the moral panic around ‘Video Nasties’ - a 1980s proliferation of graphic horror movies flooding the new frontier of VHS home entertainment. Enid acts as a kind of moral guardian, exposing herself to these films so the wider public don’t have to, but when one film unearths her past trauma, Enid begins a spiral that will lead her to some very real horror.

We discuss a slightly muddled treatise on trauma and media influence, praise the immaculate vibes of 1980s film logos, question the security setup of low-budget film shoots and wonder whether stunt weapons are a necessity, or simply health and safety gone mad.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Horror is already out there, in all of us. It's in you.

Next time, we begin ‘Better Body Horror’ season with Rose Glass’ Love Lies Bleeding (2023).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 295…and what big eyes you have, what big hands you have.

Ghostwatch (1992) was broadcast ‘as live’ on BBC 1, on Halloween night in 1992, and saw TV stalwarts Michael Parkinson and Sarah Greene trying to prove the existence of the paranormal by taking a camera crew to ‘the most haunted house in Britain’. While the show documented the Early family’s suffering at the hands of Mr Pipes, the poltergeist, the real story began after the show’s broadcast, where tens of thousands felt duped by its immaculate recreation of 1990s live broadcasting tropes.

We break down an underrated shout for the most influential horror movie of all time, discuss a directorial tour-de-force that left a nation unable to trust some of its most beloved presenters, ponder the various reasons for the furore that followed its broadcast and wonder whether Ghostwatch could ever be made today.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: the studio's...completely dark. Just... just blackness.

Next time on the main feed, we’re watching Censor (2021), while on the Patreon we’re looking at cult classic Possession (1981).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 294…and you've made it to the belly of the beast, congratulations, very few come this far.

MaXXXine (2024) concludes Ti West’s X trilogy, following Maxine Minx in her journey to Hollywood stardom. But as she’s pursued by a mysterious leather-clad stalker, it’s not long before Maxine’s friends and colleagues start turning up dead. Is Maxine’s bloody past catching up to her, or is something even more sinister at play?

We break down an uneven conclusion to a nonetheless excellent horror movie trilogy, the gigawatt star power of Mia Goth, the corrupting influence of various forms of media across fifty years of American history, the dos and don’ts of car surveillance and the potential legality of head-crushing.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Do you know what happened to the last person who tried to kill me? I crushed her fucking head.

Next time we journey back to a golden moment in British TV history with Ghostwatch (1992).

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 293…and I'm sorry, it seems I wore my long legs today.

Longlegs (2024) follows FBI agent Lee Harker, who is assigned to the case of a serial killer who is apparently responsible for compelling several patriarchs to murder their families across multiple decades, with the only trace being cryptic letters signed ‘Longlegs’. Can Agent Harker prevent more murders, and will Longlegs’ origins prove to be closer to home than she thinks?

We talk about the horror movie dubbed ‘the scariest film of the decade’, the highs and lows of a film that wants to be both arthouse and popcorn, a creepy character that evokes Old Gregg and Jennifer Coolidge, the importance of getting out of the car and whether investigating your own mum counts as a conflict of interest. Plus, isn’t it annoying when Satan inverts a trend?

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Our prayers protect us from the devil.

Next time on the main feed, it’s the concluding part of Ti West’s X trilogy with MaXXXine (2024), while over on the Patreon we’re watching I Saw The TV Glow (2024).

aka Vermines (2023)

It’s episode 292…and are you interested in animals?

Infested/Vermines (2023) tells the story of Kaleb, a young man with a passion for selling sneakers and buying bugs. Living in a multicultural melting pot of a tower block, his friendships have become strained following the death of his mother. Can he reconnect with his Jordy, his childhood best friend, and reconcile with his sister Manon? Anything is possible if you move forward with grace and acceptance. Oh, and he also bought a new spider and it’s escaped. Probably fine.

We talk about a genuinely horrific set of spiders doing spider-y things, rave about the best bathroom scene since Mandy, pull apart the potential of PPE and wonder whether an armed policeman shouldn’t be more ‘yes and’ in his approach to life. All that, and the question on everybody’s lips - who would survive the spider tower best out of Batman, Spider-Man and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: something that kills that fast is impossible.

Next time on the main feed we’re catching up with the 2024 horror on everybody’s pale painted lips: Longlegs (2024).