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We all have those strange, quirky habits we developed as children—the comfort objects we couldn't sleep without, the songs we played on repeat, the rituals that made no sense to others but meant everything to us. What if those weren't just childhood peculiarities, but your body's sophisticated attempt to manage anxiety before you had words to name it?

In this deeply personal episode, I unpack the many ways anxiety lived in my body long before I recognized what it was. From frequent escapes to bathroom stalls at school just to breathe, to my beloved comfort blanket "Nana," to falling asleep exclusively to Elton John's "Your Song" for six straight years—these weren't random behaviors but carefully constructed survival mechanisms. The panic of sleepovers, the constant cheek-chewing that my dentist always noticed, the need for noise to drown out silence, the rehearsed conversations playing on loop in my head—all pieces of the same puzzle I couldn't see clearly until others helped name it.

Medication at eight years old was supposed to fix everything, but anxiety doesn't disappear; it shifts and adapts. The most profound healing came not from eliminating these behaviors but from developing compassion for the child who needed them. That younger version of me wasn't dramatic or too sensitive—she was overwhelmed and doing her absolute best with limited resources. Now when those familiar patterns emerge, I've learned to approach them with curiosity rather than judgment, asking "What do you need?" instead of "Why are you like this?" This journey is about learning to listen to our bodies rather than silence them, recognizing that sometimes anxiety isn't the enemy but a signal worth our attention.

If you've ever felt strange or different without understanding why, if you had your own version of Nana or your own equivalent to Elton John's soothing melody, this episode is for you. Share your own childhood coping mechanisms in the comments—I'd love to hear how your body protected you before you had the language to protect yourself.