01:11 – Being in an abusive marriage

08:03 – Why I decided to stay in an abusive marriage

08:44 – Spotting Red Flags in a marriage

09:40 – Gaslighting

10:22 – Emotional Blackmail

10:52 – Narcissistic behaviour

11:04 – Hiding the Truth and Ambiguity

12:28 - What makes people dysfunctional: childhood trauma, lack of family support, etc.

16:49 – What did we do to ensure a healthy marriage?

20:48 – Knowing our weaknesses

22:32 – Challenges Part 1: Parents and In-Laws

28:36 – Challenged Part 2: Finances

33:53 – Avoiding Triggers and Resolving Arguments

37:20 – Rules for Arguments

41:46 – Seeking Help from elders and friends

43:05 – Interactions with the opposite Gender

45:11 – Being content with Imperfection

Subscribe to my newsletter for Live conversations and events near you: https://william-barylo.kit.com/b11fac1fdc

WHO ARE WE?

William is a Sociology Researcher at the University of Warwick working on Muslim experiences in Europe and North America.Javayria works in Higher Education and has a History degree from SOAS in South Asian History

00:30 – What we thought was love

04:20 – Our present marriage compared to the past

06:27 – Conflict management

08:51 – How we understand love now

11:59 – Attraction and Spiritual connection: we have criteria but feeling affinity for each other could be inspiration from Allah

13:42 – Looking for partners and personal expectations

20:45 – Starting Marriage aware of our weaknesses

22:38 – Societal expectations: money, status, etc.

28:02 – When the other does things we don’t like

31:51 – Parents, in laws and wedding day

38:10 – UK Muslim Marriage crisis and Love literacy

46:31 – Being authentic in a world of fakes

Subscribe to my newsletter for Live conversations and events near you: https://william-barylo.kit.com/b11fac1fdc

WHO ARE WE?

William is a Sociology Researcher at the University of Warwick working on Muslim experiences in Europe and North America.Javayria works in Higher Education and has a History degree from SOAS in South Asian History

REFRENCESbell hooks, All about Love, 2000, HarperFull PDF here: https://wtf.tw/ref/hooks.pdf Mentioned hadiths about weddings:https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2014/04/15/nikah-best-easy/ The most blessed marriage (nikah) is the one with the least expenses.” (al-Bayhaqi in his Shu'ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih

00:00 – With White Privilege Comes Great Responsibility: origin of the quote

04:47 – Racism is not just insults, it’s a SYSTEM

05:10 – It’s NOT ALL White people

05:39 – White Privilege in 30 seconds

06:10 – Intercultural Marriage; accepting a white husband as a Pakistani, and overcoming my parents’ racism and islamophobia

10:20 – Marriage Part 2: My mistakes

12:41 – Marriage Part 3: Using whiteness for my own gain?

14:36 – How did I realise I was privileged?

19:22 – How to understand racism: bell hooks’s model of domination

21:33 – How I was treated differently because not the “right” kind of white

24:18 – Using empathy to support others

30:47 – What if you’re white and poor?

32:05 – Working class white reverts vs Upper class white reverts

36:34 – Why do white reverts in France are not treated like demi-gods?

39:12 – Can white people be discriminated against?

39:50 – Are British Mosques “race temples”? Language barriers and white reverts suspected of being informants

44:08 – Decentering ourselves and working on the nafs

46:31 – People passing things for “jokes”

47:42 – What about keeping your culture as a white person?

49:06 – What about cultural appropriation?

50:11 – Credits where due and hiking a complex terrainSubscribe to my newsletter for Live conversations and events near you: https://william-barylo.kit.com/b11fac1fdc

WHO ARE WE?

William is a Sociology Researcher at the University of Warwick working on Muslim experiences in Europe and North America.Javayria works in Higher Education and has a History degree from SOAS in South Asian History

REFERENCESHadith about people withholding knowledgeSunan al-Tirmidhī 2649https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2013/03/20/whoever-conceals-knowledge/bell hooks. 2004. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love, Washington: Washington Square Press.Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flockṢaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7138, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2011/07/03/shepherd-flock/