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🎙️ Episode 15 — Caught Stealing 🐈🥃💥

This episode starts weird. Posha shows up after a health scare ❤️‍🩹, Brandon’s basically a zombie 🧟‍♂️… and then Austin Butler + Darren Aronofsky drag him back to life.

Yep: Brandon drops his first-ever Perfect 10 on the main feed. 🤯
Justin? Liked it. Ethan? Liked it. But Brandon? Straight up preaching the gospel of Austin Butler’s hair, the twists and turns, and the baseball bat carnage. ⚾️🔫

Rare episode alert 🚨 — not only did we all vibe with it, but Brandon might’ve actually convinced Ethan to change his mind (?!). History books will note this moment.

It’s violent, it’s sexy, it’s really fun, and it turned out to be one of our best recordings yet.

"Not saying much!"

Thanks, Mom...

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Go Giants!

#CaughtStealing

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🎙️ Episode 14 — Who’s Got to Go? 🎬⚔️🤔

No new release this week. No Nic Cage meltdowns, no Austin Butler abs, no midnight screenings. But hey — we weren’t about to ghost you. 👻

So instead, we broke out a little game: Who’s Got to Go?
It’s simple: we take four all-time classics, throw them in the ring, and one has to vanish from existence forever. Tempers flare, friendships wobble, cinema history gets rewritten.

It’s chaotic, it’s dumb, and it’s way too fun.

Next week, we’re back on schedule with our full Caught Stealing episode — but for now, enjoy the mayhem and yell at us in your car when we make the wrong choice. (Spoiler: we definitely made the wrong choice.)

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🎙️ Episode 10 — Nobody 2 💥🕶️🥋

What if The Great Outdoors packed a rocket launcher? What if Summer Rental ended in a pile of roundhouse kicks? That’s basically Nobody 2 — an 80s-style action comedy throwback… except this time Bob Odenkirk is Robocop on steroids, and his wife is equally ready to shoot a villain down.

It’s dumb. It’s schlocky. It’s poorly written. And it’s glorious. ✨

Justin (predictably) loved it. Brandon came in a notch or two lower. Ethan a little lower still. But honestly? We all had fun with this one. And yes — we found ourselves weirdly obsessed with one supporting character. Who? Why? You’ll have to listen to find out. 🎟️👦

This one’s a blast, front to back. Come hang with us.

Please subscribe. We’re begging. 🙏

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🎙️ Bringing Out the Dead (1999) — The Third Classics Tease 🚑🌃🧠

You know the drill by now: ten minutes, then the door slams shut. 🔒

This time it’s Nic Cage, Scorsese, and Schrader — a cursed little holy trinity that somehow made one of the greatest movies no one talks about. Bringing Out the Dead is grimy, feverish, and weirdly hilarious… kind of like our podcast.

Inside the full episode, we crown this as Cage’s finest work (yes, even better than his trophy win). We talk Goodman, Sizemore, Arquette, and more ambulance hallucinations than the human brain should endure. And for once, we’re unanimous: this is top-tier cinema. 📈

But you don’t get that part. You get the tease. The ambulance doors crack open, you peek inside… then slam. Sirens wailing, episode gone. 🚨

👉 Unlock the Classics Tier™ if you want the whole ride. Otherwise, enjoy your ten-minute trip to the ER.

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🎙️ An American Werewolf in London (1981) — The Second Classics Tease 🐺🇬🇧🌕

Another ten minutes. Another dangling carrot. Another reminder that you’re not getting the whole episode unless you subscribe. 🍫

This time, it’s John Landis’ horror-comedy classic An American Werewolf in London — a film where the makeup slaps, the pub locals are sketchy, and Justin hands out our second-ever Perfect 10™ like it’s a Werther’s Original. 🙄

Ethan and Brandon? Also impressed. But don’t worry — we still roast Justin mercilessly, because what’s a friendship without a little bullying? 💕

So here’s your bite-sized preview. Just enough to hear us howl, then we yank the bone away. 🦴 If you want the full moon transformation, you know what to do: Classics Tier™.

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🎙️ Playtime (1967) — A Ten-Minute Tease 😴📐🇫🇷

Here’s the deal: you’re only getting the first ten minutes. Yep. Just enough to know we argued, got pretentious, and maybe nodded off while Jacques Tati rearranged some chairs. 🪑

This is a tease, a lure, a cinematic breadcrumb trail to the Classics Tier™. If you want the whole delirious ride — Ethan worshipping at the altar of “art,” Justin fighting sleep, Brandon muttering about capitalism — you’ll have to pony up. 💸

Playtime is vibes-only cinema. Our episode is chaos-only podcasting. Together? You get a masterpiece of nonsense… cut short, right… about… now.

👉 Unlock the full thing on the Classics Tier. Because ten minutes is cruel. And we’re cruel.

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🎙️ Episode 9 — Weapons 🔪🍫🪞
No, you didn’t miss Episode 8.5 — that’s Freakier Friday, and technically it dropped inside this very episode. You’ll see.

Here’s the gist: two hosts watched Weapons. One host… did not.
Instead, Ethan — our boy, our chaos goblin 🐒 — showed up hungover and tried to flip the script into a Freakier Friday review.

This was funny for about thirty seconds. Then it spawned a new and henceforth unbreakable Ratings First Law: You must watch the movie before you talk about it. 📜⚖️

Love you, Ethan.

Weapons is the new horror instant-classic from Beer McKegger 🍺🔪. Justin adored it so much he dropped his second Perfect 10 💯, claiming with a straight face it belongs in the same breath as Godfather Part II, Taxi Driver, Citizen Kane, and Lawrence of Arabia.

Brandon? His feelings were… a little more complicated 😬. And after Ethan poked the bear 🐻, the bear went full scorched-earth — issuing on-air suspensions, vetoing scores, and calling out the insanity in real time.

It’s chaotic. It’s petty. It’s maybe one of our funniest episodes yet. Also, surprise — it’s a secret bonus Freakier Friday episode.

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🍫 Support the Classics Tier (“Snickers Tier™”) at ratingsfirst.buzzsprout.com

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🎙️ Episode 6 — The Naked Gun (2025) 💥👖🍫

No, you didn’t miss Episode 5 — that’s Playtime, and it dropped over on our Classics Tier, aka the “Snickers Tier™” 🍫
Why Snickers? Because if you subscribe for $6/month, each of us gets $2 (before taxes), which is just enough to buy one (1) small Snickers bar from Ralph’s.
You’re welcome for the financial transparency.

Anyway.

Episode 6 is all about the reboot no one asked for but everyone watched anyway:
🎯 The Naked Gun (2025) starring Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson.

Justin, our resident nihilist ☠️, gave it a 9, which is wild — though Brandon suspects it’s because Justin hasn’t seen a comedy in theaters since 22 Jump Street.

Ethan enjoyed it too 👍 (to a lesser degree), and Brandon?
Well… Brandon had expectations.
Like, “this is one of my all-time favorite franchises” expectations.
And when the classic siren intro is replaced by a graphic designer gag? Yeah. He brought notes. 📋

But hey — the movie is funny. And so is this episode.

We debut our first ever long-form trivia game:
👉 Flop? Or Not? 👈
Ethan and Justin go head-to-head guessing which jokes from the movie landed in Brandon’s theater — and which ones absolutely died in the aisles.
Spoiler: Justin's favorite gag: A snowman threesome. ☃️☃️☃️

It’s a beautiful blast of an episode, and we think you’ll love it.

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