When you’re dating, it’s so easy to get caught up in the spark. A smile, a flirty message, the thrill of someone new (I am very guilty of this as I fall all in pretty quickly and I am so open hearted).

But underneath the excitement, there are often little signs we brush aside. Red flags rarely arrive as a giant warning sign; they tend to slip in quietly. If you follow the Burned Haystack Method, you become more adept and seeing the red flags.

A red flag is anything that makes you feel uneasy, second-guess yourself, or question your worth. It’s often found in the gap between what someone says and what they actually do. Maybe they tell you they’re keen to see you but never lock in a time. Maybe they pop up with a “hey” after disappearing for a week. These little mismatches matter.

Obviously, the opposite of red flags are green flags — the behaviours that make you feel calm, valued, and steady. It’s just as important to notice these so you’re not only avoiding what drains you but moving toward what sustains you.

Here’s a simple way to check in with yourself when you’re meeting someone new:

❌ Red Flag Checklist

❌ They text but never follow through with plans

❌ Their words and actions don’t match

❌ You feel more anxious than calm around them

❌ They dodge simple questions about their life

❌ Every ex they talk about is “crazy” or the problem

❌ They dismiss your boundaries or make you feel silly for asking

❌ You find yourself waiting or hoping they’ll change

❌ Breadcrumbing: little crumbs of attention but no real effort

❌ Love-bombing followed by withdrawal

❌ Hot-and-cold communication

❌ Emotionally unavailable but giving just enough to keep you hooked

✅ Green Flag Checklist

✅ They follow through and keep their word

✅ Their actions and words line up

✅ You feel calm, confident, and more like yourself around them

✅ They answer your questions directly and openly

✅ They speak respectfully about past partners

✅ They listen to and respect your boundaries

✅ You feel valued without having to prove yourself

✅ They are emotionally available and steady

✅ They make space for you in their life naturally

✅ The effort feels mutual — you don’t have to chase

This kind of list isn’t about being harsh or judgmental. It’s about noticing. If you see a pattern of ❌s stacking up, it might be time to step back. If you see the ✅s shining through, that’s where your energy is best invested.

Join the community at mydatinglounge.com — it will redirect you straight to where we gather. Inside, you’ll find connection, conversation, and encouragement from women just like you.

Love

Ayesha