Dating after 40 can be exciting, but let’s be honest, it can also be exhausting. There are good men out there. I’ve met plenty of them. But not every man you meet is ready for real partnership. Some are simply looking for convenience.

And lovely, you are nobody’s convenience.

I have fallen into dating a couple of guys that were just stringing me along. They wouldn't commit to a date or plan in advance. They would text me sporadically. I would try to break things off with them and then they would suddenly want to spend time with me.

Here's what have learnt about dating a guy who might be enjoying your company but not truly investing in you.

If you hear from him when he’s bored, lonely, or has a gap in his schedule, but he doesn’t check in just to see how you are, that’s not care. That’s convenience.

He never makes the effort to suggest dates, ideas, or move things forward. If you stopped reaching out, chances are the connection would fizzle. That isn’t partnership. That’s you carrying the energy.

One week he’s all in, the next he disappears. True interest is steady. Inconsistency often means he’s keeping his options open.

A man who is genuinely interested wants to know your world. Does he ask about your dreams, your family, your past? Or does he keep things surface-level? If he’s not leaning in to know you, he’s not investing in you.

If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and he sidesteps every conversation about “where this is going,” it’s because he doesn’t want it to go anywhere. He’s happy keeping it comfortable for him.

If your needs, feelings, or boundaries are brushed aside or met with irritation, that’s a clear sign he isn’t seeing you as an equal partner. That’s convenience, not commitment.

Deep down, you know. If you feel like you’re waiting for scraps of attention or if your intuition whispers, “you deserve more,” listen. Your body never lies.

A man who’s truly interested will make it known. He will show up consistently, ask about your life, respect your boundaries, and make space for you in his world.

Anything less is not the love you are calling in.

So the next time you feel unsure, ask yourself: Am I being cherished, or am I just being convenient?

You are not here for crumbs. You are here for the whole damn cake.

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Love

Ayesha Hilton