
Staying Out of the Stories: Transform Relationship Conflicts Using this Top Skill
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Discover the relationship-transforming power of "staying out of your stories" - a skill that can fundamentally change how you navigate conflicts with your partner. This episode reveals how our nervous systems create automatic narratives during tense moments that feel absolutely true but often lead us astray.
When conflict emerges, our brains instantly attach meaning to what's happening, creating stories that feel justified and accurate. But these narratives are heavily influenced by our current nervous system state, past experiences, and limited information. By recognizing when you're deep in these stories without either believing them fully or trying to suppress them, you create space for genuine understanding.
Through a candid personal example about a near-disastrous anniversary celebration, Trish shares how this technique saved what could have become a day-ruining argument. You'll learn how thoughts like "we're going to end up divorced" or "they never listen" are actually signals of dysregulation rather than reality - like objects in a side-view mirror that "may be less accurate than they appear."
This approach doesn't ask you to invalidate your feelings or thoughts. Instead, it invites you to recognize them as products of your nervous system's protective response while creating space for regulation. Once regulated, entirely new possibilities for connection and resolution become available that simply can't be accessed when consumed by reactive narratives.
Whether dealing with communication breakdowns, parenting disagreements, or recurring arguments, this practical skill opens doors to the conscious partnership you desire. Ready to transform conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding? This episode offers a roadmap to getting there, one regulated conversation at a time.
- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.