Épisodes

  • Episode 376: The Disconnected Leader - Powerful at Work, Powerless at Home: Why Business Logic Fails in Intimacy with Mitchell Osmond

    Episode 376: The Disconnected Leader - Powerful at Work, Powerless at Home: Why Business Logic Fails in Intimacy with Mitchell Osmond
    Mar 16 2026
    In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Mitchell Osmond, founder of Dad Nation, to discuss the unique challenges faced by career-driven men. Mitchell shares his powerful personal journey from the brink of divorce, $100,000 in debt, and substance struggle to a life of health and purpose. The conversation explores why the very skills that make men successful in the boardroom often sabotage them in the living room, and how to bridge the gap between professional power and personal connection.Key HighlightsThe Paradox of the "Successful" ManMany men feel respected and competent at work but powerless and disconnected at home. Mitchell explains that the tools of business—logic, efficiency, and detachment—don't translate to intimate relationships.The Struggle: Feeling like a "powerful leader" from 9-to-5 and a "robot" or "stranger" from 5-to-9.The Sabotage: Using workplace attributes to solve emotional problems, which often leads to further isolation.The Two Turning Points: A Fight and a FuneralMitchell reflects on the "brutal, painful journey" that led to his transformation:The Fight: A massive argument with his wife that made him realize he was on the verge of losing everything.The Funeral: While singing at a funeral, Mitchell heard a question that changed his life: "Are you living a life worthy of imitation?" He realized his current legacy was one of alcoholism and debt, and he chose to put a "stake in the ground."The Three Pillars of TransformationMitchell breaks down the process of change into three distinct phases:Information: Gaining the knowledge (though he warns we are "starving for wisdom" despite an abundance of data).Implementation: Taking action on that knowledge.Transformation: The result of consistent implementation, usually found within community and accountability.Understanding "Normative Male Alexithymia"The duo discusses the concept of Alexithymia—the lack of words for emotions.The "Lone Wolf" Trap: Society often teaches men to "stuff it down," leading to a lack of emotional intelligence.The Solution: Practicing emotional communication as a skill, using tools like the "Rise Conversation Ladder" or even simple emoji charts to identify feelings.The "Middle Way" of MasculinityMitchell rejects the extremes of "hyper-masculinity" (toxic/aggressive) and "passive-masculinity" (pushover)."I’d rather be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." He advocates for being courageous yet compassionate—strong enough to protect the family, but meek enough to sit and listen to a daughter’s feelings.Notable Quotes"You are the most qualified to help the person you used to be." — Mitchell Osmond (referencing Ed Mylett)"Time is the only currency that we spend without knowing the remaining balance.""Your wiring may explain you, but it doesn’t excuse you."Resources & LinksDad Nation Website: dadnationco.comSocial Media: Follow Mitchell on Instagram (Search: Dad Nation)The Addicted Mind: theaddictedmind.comTool Mentioned: The Hoffman Institute’s Feelings List.If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    40 min
  • TAM+ EP 104 Unlocking Emotions: How to Identify and Regulate Your Feelings in Recovery

    TAM+ EP 104 Unlocking Emotions: How to Identify and Regulate Your Feelings in Recovery
    Mar 13 2026

    Download: Identify And Regulate Worksheet

    Have you ever felt a whirlwind of emotions but couldn't pin down exactly what you were feeling? You're not alone. Many people, especially those on the road to recovery, struggle to identify their emotions. This episode of "The Addicted Mind" podcast dives into the crucial skill of recognizing and naming our feelings.


    Hosts Duane and Eric explore why pinpointing emotions is so important, especially for those battling addiction. They explain that many people used substances or behaviors to cope with overwhelming or confusing feelings. Learning to identify emotions is a key step in breaking free from destructive cycles.


    The hosts introduce a practical tool: asking yourself specific questions to figure out which emotion you're experiencing. They walk through examples for emotions like fear, envy, anger, shame, and guilt. By answering these targeted questions, listeners can better understand their emotional state.


    Duane and Eric stress that accurately identifying emotions is crucial for "checking the facts" – a method discussed in a previous episode. Once you know what you're feeling, you can examine if your emotional response fits the situation. This allows you to "adjust the volume" of your emotions – either dialing them up or down as needed.


    The hosts share real-life examples of how this process has helped people. In one case, a client realized they were feeling shame rather than guilt, leading to a breakthrough in their healing journey.


    Listeners are encouraged to practice this skill and to join a live "deep dive" session for more in-depth learning. The hosts also offer a downloadable worksheet to help listeners work through identifying different emotions on their own.


    Download: Identify And Regulate Worksheet


    Key Topics

    • The importance of identifying specific emotions in recovery
    • Using targeted questions to pinpoint emotions
    • Examples of questions for fear, envy, anger, shame, and guilt
    • How emotion identification connects to "checking the facts"
    • Real-life impacts of accurately naming emotions
    • Resources for further learning and practice


    Timestamps


    0:00 - Introduction and importance of emotion identification

    2:43 - Connection to previous "Check the Facts" episode

    5:43 - Exploring fear as an emotion

    7:10 - Discussing envy and its complexities

    8:05 - Examining anger and its various triggers

    10:13 - Distinguishing between shame and guilt

    13:43 - Closing thoughts and resources for listeners



    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    14 min
  • Shame in the Gut: The Neurobiology of Affect Dysregulation and Addiction with Dr. Alexandra Katehakis

    Shame in the Gut: The Neurobiology of Affect Dysregulation and Addiction with Dr. Alexandra Katehakis
    Mar 9 2026
    In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Dr. Alexandra Katehakis, founder of the Center for Healthy Sex, to explore the complex relationship between shame, affect dysregulation, and addiction. Dr. Katehakis breaks down why shame isn’t just a "bad feeling" but a survival-based biological process rooted in our nervous system and early childhood development.Key Highlights1. What is Shame? (The Gut Connection)Shame is a pro-social function embedded in the human organism from birth. Unlike many other emotions, shame is primarily located in the enteric nervous system (the gut).The Biology: When we experience shame, we feel a visceral "drop." This is a rapid shift from a high-dopamine state (joy or excitement) to a low-dopamine state (collapse).The "No" Moment: Around 18 months, a child experiences the "genesis of shame" when a parent must use a firm "No" to protect them. In a healthy relationship, this is a temporary state.2. Rupture and Repair: The Building Blocks of ResilienceHealthy Dyad: A parent shames a child (rupture) but immediately follows up with soothing and "motherese" (repair). This teaches the child’s nervous system how to regulate itself.Toxic Shame: When shaming is chronic and unrepaired, "states become traits." The child remains in a collapsed, shame-based state, leading to pathological dissociation or chronic depression.3. Addiction as "Auto-Regulation"Dr. Katehakis posits that addiction is often a result of affect dysregulation. If a person lacks the internal capacity to regulate their emotions (due to a lack of interactive regulation in childhood), they turn to external sources to "auto-regulate."The Cycle: People use substances or behaviors (sex, gambling, shopping) to escape the painful, "dead" feeling of a shame-based core.The Body: Chronic shame results in low dopamine tone, often manifesting as a "limp" or depleted physical presence.4. Shame and IdentityShame deeply impacts how we view ourselves and interact with the world:External Locus of Control: Without internal regulation, people look outward for validation, often leading to poor boundaries and becoming susceptible to exploitation.The Victim/Perpetrator Paradox: In adulthood, those with toxic shame may "perpetrate from a victim position." They use their shame to avoid accountability, forcing partners to caretake them rather than addressing the original issue.Recovery and HopeHealing from chronic shame is a long-term process (often 3–5 years), but change is possible:Ownership: Admitting to the behaviors and secrets without defense or minimization.Community: Utilizing 12-step programs or therapy to experience "interactive regulation" with others.Healthy Shame: Learning to use shame as a pro-social "lane marker" that helps us stay in integrity, rather than a weight that collapses our identity."You can't undo shame by yourself. You really have to have a community of concern to help you through it." — Dr. Alexandra KatehakisResources MentionedBooks: Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation by Alexandra Katehakis.Experts: Allan Schore (Affect Regulation), Bruce Perry (Trauma and Development), Dan Siegel (Attachment).Center for Healthy Sex: Located in Los Angeles, CA. Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiological Relational Modelhttps://theaddictedmind.com/If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    40 min
  • Episode 374: Rethinking Prevention: Navigating the Youth Mental Health & Digital Crisis with Dr. Rachel Docekal

    Episode 374: Rethinking Prevention: Navigating the Youth Mental Health & Digital Crisis with Dr. Rachel Docekal
    Mar 2 2026

    In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Dr. Rachel Docekal to discuss the shifting landscape of youth addiction and mental health. With over 40 years of history, the Hanley Foundation is moving beyond the "Just Say No" era into evidence-based prevention that addresses the root causes of use: isolation, digital addiction, and the mental health fallout of the post-COVID world.

    Key Takeaways

    • The "Double Whammy" of COVID & Smartphones: Dr. Docekal highlights how the combination of pandemic isolation and the rise of social media "highlight reels" has created a surge in anxiety and depression among youth.
    • The Shift in Treatment: For the first time, the Hanley Center has had to dedicate primary beds specifically to mental health (not just detox), reflecting a crisis where substances are often a secondary symptom of internal distress.
    • The THC Trap: They discuss the alarming trend of high-potency marijuana causing psychiatric breaks in young people—and the frightening reality that for some, the cognitive changes may be permanent.
    • Connection Over Correction: The core of the issue is often a loss of "true human connection." From families on phones at dinner to the addictive nature of algorithms, the "nemesis" in the pocket is often the biggest barrier to wellness.


    Innovative Prevention Programs

    The Hanley Foundation is pioneering programs that treat students with dignity rather than just discipline.

    Program Focus

    Replacing "Zero Tolerance"Instead of suspension/expulsion, students caught using enter a series of counseling sessions that include their parents.Alcohol Literacy ChallengeDe-bunking MythsThis program uses science to show kids that the "positive" effects they expect from alcohol (confidence, better dancing) are actually psychological, not pharmacological.A Note for Parents: The Power of "Just Being"

    When asked for her #1 piece of advice for parents and educators, Dr. Docekal offered a grounding perspective:

    "You don’t have to have the answer; you just have to have the presence. Just be with your kid. Your job is to listen—not to talk, not to demand, and certainly not to solve."

    Resources Mentioned in this Episode

    • Prevention Services: HanleyFoundation.org
    • Treatment Services: HanleyCenter.org
    • Support Hotline: 844-502-HOPE (4673)
    • The Addicted Mind Website: TheAddictedMind.com


    If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center

    NovusMindfulLife.com

    We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind

    Disclaimer

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    34 min
  • TAM+ EP 103 Beyond Shame and Stigma: The Life-Changing Power of Asking for Help

    TAM+ EP 103 Beyond Shame and Stigma: The Life-Changing Power of Asking for Help
    Feb 26 2026

    Download: BUILDING YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK AND ASKING FOR HELP


    Have you ever felt like reaching out for help is a sign of weakness? You're not alone. In this eye-opening episode of the Addicted Mind podcast, hosts Duane Osterlind and Eric Osterlind delve into the powerful impact of asking for help on the journey to recovery.


    Asking for help can be one of the hardest steps in addiction recovery, but it's also one of the most crucial. Duane and Eric discuss common barriers like shame, denial, and fear of vulnerability that keep people from seeking the support they need. They share personal stories and insights from their experiences as therapists, emphasizing that recovery flourishes in connection and not in isolation. Listen in as they break down five key internal beliefs that often prevent people from reaching out and offer practical advice on overcoming these hurdles. By the end of the episode, you'll understand why seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a profound act of courage and strength.


    Key topics


    • The 5 main barriers to asking for help in addiction recovery

    • Why social support is crucial for maintaining long-term sobriety

    • How childhood experiences can affect our ability to seek help

    • The importance of vulnerability in the recovery process

    • Practical steps to overcome the fear of asking for support

    • Free resources to help build your support network


    Timestamps


    [00:01:06] Introduction to the importance of asking for help in recovery

    [00:03:51] Discussing the 5 internal beliefs that prevent people from seeking help

    [00:04:12] Exploring shame and stigma as barriers

    [00:05:26] Addressing denial in addiction

    [00:06:34] The fear of vulnerability and its roots

    [00:08:00] Self-reliance mindset and its impact on seeking help

    [00:09:57] Dealing with hopelessness in addiction recovery



    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    14 min
  • Episode 373: Grieving the "Lover": Navigating Chaos with the Satir Model of Change with Steve Buckby

    Episode 373: Grieving the "Lover": Navigating Chaos with the Satir Model of Change with Steve Buckby
    Feb 23 2026
    In this episode of The Addicted Mind, we dive deep into the world of experiential therapy with Steve Buckby, a seasoned therapist with over 50 years of experience. Steve shares his profound insights into the Virginia Satir Model and how its principles of change, the "Mandala," and the "Iceberg" can be powerful tools for those struggling with addiction.We explore the idea of addiction as a "lover" that must be grieved, the necessity of walking through chaos to find a new status quo, and why the relationship between therapist and client is a collaborative journey of human-to-human connection.Key TakeawaysThe Process of Change: Change isn’t a straight line; it requires moving from a familiar (even if painful) status quo, through a "foreign element" that sparks chaos, and finally into a new, healthier balance.Addiction as a "Lover": Recovery often involves a grieving process similar to the stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Letting go of a substance is often like losing a significant, albeit toxic, relationship.The Satir Mandala: Understanding the physical, intellectual, emotional, sensual, interactional, nutritional, contextual, and spiritual dimensions of ourselves to find true balance.Vulnerability & Connection: Addiction thrives in isolation. Healing begins when we take the risk to be "real" and vulnerable within a supportive community or therapeutic relationship.Education as Empowerment: Understanding the physiology of addiction helps separate the person from the "ism," reducing shame and fostering self-forgiveness.Understanding the Satir ModelSteve explains that human beings naturally seek a Status Quo. In addiction, that status quo is the cycle of use. To break it, a "Foreign Element" (a crisis, a choice, or an intervention) must disrupt the system.The Stages of TransformationOld Status QuoThe familiar, predictable way of living (even if dysfunctional). Foreign ElementAn event or realization that makes the old status quo no longer viable.ChaosThe "limbo" period where old patterns don't work and new ones aren't yet formed. Integration Learning new strategies and internalizing resources. New Status Quo A state of higher functioning, self-compassion, and awareness.The "Iceberg Theory"Steve also touches on the Iceberg Theory, which suggests that behavior (the tip of the iceberg) is driven by much deeper levels of feelings, perceptions, expectations, yearnings, and the "Self.""The story is not the problem; the meaning of the story is really important." — Steve BuckbyBy shifting the meaning we give to our past trauma and choices, we can move from shame to positive-directional change.About Our Guest: Steve BuckbySteve Buckby is a certified social worker and licensed professional counselor based in Escanaba, Michigan. Practicing since the early 1970s, Steve has dedicated his career to outpatient and inpatient care, as well as teaching the experiential methods of Virginia Satir to the next generation of healers.Connect with Steve:Email: sbucb@charter.netResources MentionedVirginia Satir Global NetworkThe Kübler-Ross Stages of GriefMindfulness PracticesEnjoyed the show? Please consider leaving us a review on iTunes or supporting us on Patreon. Your support helps us bring these vital conversations to those who need them most.Episode CreditsIf you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    23 min
  • Episode 372: Why Success Isn’t Enough: Becoming Trigger-Proof and Healing the Fawn Response with Nima Rahmany

    Episode 372: Why Success Isn’t Enough: Becoming Trigger-Proof and Healing the Fawn Response with Nima Rahmany
    Feb 16 2026
    In this episode of The Addicted Mind, Duane speaks with Nima Rahmany, a former chiropractor turned emotional health educator. Nima shares his profound journey from "success on paper" to a total relational breakdown that forced him to confront his own deep-seated patterns of anxious attachment and fawning.They dive deep into the concept of becoming "trigger-proof," the hidden cost of people-pleasing, and why "shame alchemization" is the secret to a truly authentic life. Whether you are struggling with addiction, burnout, or toxic relationship cycles, this episode offers a roadmap for moving from unconscious reactivity to conscious leadership. Key Topics & Chapters[01:32] The Wake-Up Call: Nima Rahmany discusses how a crisis in his personal life and a brush with the legal system forced him to look past his professional success and address his defensive reactivity.[03:54] The Cost of Fawning: A breakdown of the "Fawn" response—how suppressing your truth to appease others creates a "bottomless pit" of resentment and physical inflammation.[10:14] Defining the Fawn Response: Nima provides a powerful analogy of how children learn to appease "predators" (caregivers) to survive, and how that evolves into a destructive adult relationship strategy.[14:41] Somatic Impact: Exploring the link between unresolved emotional wounds, fawning, and chronic physical issues like autoimmune diseases and inflammation.[21:00] Loving the Shadow: Why true self-love isn't about liking your "best" parts, but about "unshaming" the parts of yourself you’ve tried to kill off or hide.[27:12] Success vs. Intimacy: Why high-achieving entrepreneurs often crush it in business but fail in relationships, and how the "push energy" of success can actually block emotional safety.[47:26] The Worthiness Inquiry: Nima shares a foundational question for listeners: "I am only worthy of love when..."[52:00] The Heartbeat Realization: A moving story about hearing his son’s heartbeat and rediscovering the concept of inherent worthiness.Quotes"Shame alchemization is the secret to being a human... finding these embarrassing, unacceptable parts of us and really looking to understand them." — Nima Rahmany"Fawning is when you freeze a part of you in an interaction... you freeze your truth and then you perform niceness." — Nima Rahmany"One size fits all is not real. It’s not real for baseball caps, and it’s not real for recovery plans." — Nima Rahmany"The path to self-love is really about loving your shadow." — Nima RahmanyUnderstanding the Survival ResponsesTo better understand where "Fawning" fits into our biological safety system, it helps to see it alongside the more commonly known stress responses:Fight: Aggression and boundary-setting.Flight: Avoiding or escaping the threat.Freeze: Numbing out or becoming paralyzed.Fawn: Appeasing the threat to ensure safety.Resources MentionedThe Attachment Style Quiz: Discover if you are anxious, avoidant, or disorganized. [Link provided in bio/show notes]Recovery Demystified: Exploring "Quit Lit" and science-based recovery tools."Unshaming": The work of David Bedrick.About Nima RahmanyNima Rahmani is the founder of the Trigger-Proof methodology. He helps entrepreneurs and individuals heal attachment wounds to uplevel their capacity for love and leadership.Connect with Nima:Website:https://becometriggerproof.com/Instagram: @nimarahmanyofficialPrevious Interview With Nima RahmanyPrevious Interview With Dr. Nima RahmaniIf you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    50 min
  • TAM+ Episode 102 From Emotional Chaos to Calm: Debunking Common Emotion Myths

    TAM+ Episode 102 From Emotional Chaos to Calm: Debunking Common Emotion Myths
    Feb 12 2026

    Download: Debunking Common Emotion Myths Worksheet


    Have you ever felt like your emotions are running the show, pushing and pulling you in directions you don’t want to go? You’re not alone.

    In this episode of the Addicted Mind Plus, hosts Duane Osterlind and Eric Osterlind dive deep into the world of emotion regulation. They explore common myths about emotions that keep many of us stuck in unhealthy patterns. With practical insights and compassionate guidance, Duane and Eric shed light on how our misunderstandings about emotions can lead to more intense feelings and problematic behaviors.

    By debunking these myths, they show us how to develop healthier relationships with our emotions, allowing us to make decisions that align with our true goals. Whether you’re struggling with impulsive reactions or avoidance strategies or just want to understand your emotions better, this episode is packed with valuable information that can help you navigate your emotional landscape more effectively.

    Join Duane and Eric as they explore the myths surrounding emotion regulation and how these misconceptions can hinder our recovery journey. Learn about the importance of understanding your emotions from a biopsychosocial perspective and discover practical tips to regulate your emotions instead of letting them control you. By the end of this episode, you’ll have a better grasp of how to manage your emotions and make decisions that support your well-being.


    Key Topics

    • Understanding the impact of emotions on decision-making
    • The importance of emotion regulation skills in recovery
    • Debunking common myths about emotions
    • The role of avoidance and escape strategies in emotional intensity
    • How to develop a healthier relationship with your emotions
    • The benefits of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in emotion regulation
    • Practical steps to regulate emotions effectively

    Key Moments

    1. [00:01:22] - Introduction to the topic of emotion regulation
    2. [00:02:07] - The problem with letting emotions drive our decisions
    3. [00:03:00] - Defining emotion regulation and its significance
    4. [00:07:19] - Introduction to myths about emotions
    5. [00:09:08] - Discussion on the myth: Emotions are bad or dangerous
    6. [00:11:44] - Exploring the myth: If I start feeling, I’ll never stop

    [00:14:00] - Addressing the myth: I should be able to control my emotions

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    18 min