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“How do I support their recovery?” is probably the most common question families ask in addiction recovery, but the answers they get are often vague, contradictory, and unfair. In this episode, we unpack what treatment centers hand out to families, why so much of it is confusing, and what support really means. We talk about boundaries as a form of support, why encouragement and space matter, the role of positive reinforcement, and the hard truth that you cannot guarantee someone else’s recovery. You can support people in recovery, but you can’t recover for them. Besides some discussion on what functional and emotional support for someone in recovery could actually look like, we’re going to discuss what you can do - protect your dignity, your safety, and your future.

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Emotional intelligence is not soft. It is how you stop letting feelings run the show and start letting values drive your choices. In this Mindset Monday I break down what emotional intelligence really is, why it decides the quality of your marriage, fatherhood, and career, and how to build it with simple daily reps. We walk through the five components of emotional intelligence , real-life ways they show up, and three drills you can use today: Name it, don’t numb it, the 90 second pause before you respond, and a one line empathy check in that reduces defensiveness and builds trust. If you have ever said “I’ll do better” and then reacted the same way next week, this is your playbook.

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In this Paige’s Perspective, we get honest about triggers; the sounds, smells, and behaviors that send spouses of addicts into panic. Too often, these reactions are dismissed as character defects or controlling behavior. The truth? Triggers are trauma responses. They’re alarms your body sets off when safety is missing. We’ll look at common triggers, what they really represent underneath (betrayal, secrecy, abandonment), and why it’s not the alcohol itself but the behaviors surrounding it that do the deepest damage. This episode will help you reframe triggers not as flaws, but as signals pointing you toward what you deserve: honesty, trust, and safety in your relationships.

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Spouses are told to learn the addict, but who teaches the addict what their choices did to the spouse’s brain, safety, and sense of self? In this conversation, Matt and Paige build on Paige’s recent mini episode to name the gap in traditional recovery. We break down why amends without education fall short, how betrayal trauma rewires responses, and why partners are mislabeled as codependent when many are reacting to real harm. We walk through a family-program handout to show what is missing, tackle the pros and cons of introducing this education early, and outline what mutual respect and real accountability look like at home. Expect validation, clarity, and practical next steps for couples who are genuinely rebuilding and for individuals choosing their own healing. Your experience matters. Your recovery matters too.

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Our brains love comfort, routine, and the familiar - even when the familiar keeps us stuck. In this Mindset Monday, Matt breaks down pattern recognition: why we miss our own loops, how denial and rationalization create blind spots, and how simply naming the pattern turns “I’m stuck” into something you can actually solve.

We get real about sobriety (why “the safe number is zero” for some of us), relationships (no-contact, hopium, and learning to trust actions over words), and everyday goals (sleep, screens, the gym, sugar, spending). You’ll leave with a clear 4-step playbook: identify your top three patterns, map where they always lead, own your role in keeping them alive, and install one boundary or environment change that breaks the loop.

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In this episode of Paige’s Perspective, I dig into a powerful comment from one of our listeners: “As the spouse, I’m basically told to become an expert on their addiction, yet they don’t have to become an expert on my trauma.” This one line exposes the imbalance in the recovery world. Spouses are often told to go to Al-Anon, read the Big Book, and learn about addiction, but no one tells them to study their own trauma caused by their partner or expect their partner to understand the harm they’ve caused.

I’ll share why this matters so deeply, how living in chaos rewires your brain and body, and why hyper-vigilance, self-doubt, panic, and physical symptoms are not “character defects”... they’re trauma responses. We’ll also explore different forms of betrayal trauma beyond lying and cheating, from financial secrecy to emotional neglect, broken promises, safety violations, and more.

This episode is about reclaiming the focus: your trauma, your healing, and your right to be understood. Because recovery isn’t just about learning their dopamine pathways; it’s about acknowledging how their choices have impacted you and giving yourself permission to heal.

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Matt and Paige pull the lid off a loaded topic: resentment. You’ve been told to “let it go,” to forgive, to be grateful - but what if your resentment isn’t a defect...what if it’s a warning? In this conversation, we separate toxic positivity from real safety, show how resentment protects you in unhealthy dynamics, and explain when it becomes dead weight in a healthy one. We talk early recovery (why 1–2 years of consistent change matter), why prepackaged resentment slogans only work in safe relationships, how to name patterns without gaslighting yourself, and what to ask instead of “How do I get rid of it?”- namely, “What is my resentment trying to tell me?” If you want clarity on when to hold the line and when to heal, this one’s for you.

Find video clips and full length video from this episode on YouTube and our other social media pages!

On the web:
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Support the Show:
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Online Course:
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We’ve all said it: “I can’t walk away, I’ve already put too much in.” That’s the sunk cost fallacy talking. In this episode, Matt breaks down why we stay in jobs, relationships, and habits that don’t serve us, and the five psychological traps that keep us stuck. More importantly, we'll share practical ways to start moving forward so you stop protecting your past and start building your future.

Find video clips and full length video from this episode on YouTube and our other social media pages!

On the web:
www.twfo.com

Support the Show:
Buy Us a Coffee!

Online Course:
www.independentlystrong.com
Use code WHEELIES75 for 75% off the entire course!

Soberlink Device:
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Check out our blog:
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Follow us on TikTok:
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