Rebecca and Leah delve into the often-overlooked issue of sexual pain, discussing its prevalence and the shame that keeps many suffering in silence. They explore the critical distinction between pain being common but not normal, emphasizing that persistent sexual pain requires appropriate investigation and treatment.

• Types of sexual pain including superficial versus deep pain and pain during versus after penetration
• Sexual trauma as a major cause, with the body developing protective responses during intimacy
• Religious and cultural conditioning, particularly purity culture, creating disconnection from bodily knowledge and pleasure
• Vaginismus (involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles) as a common condition requiring specialized treatment
• Medical and hormonal factors including endometriosis, PCOS, menopause, breastfeeding, and medication side effects
• Treatment approaches including pelvic floor physical therapy, dilators, somatic therapy, and couples therapy
• The importance of partner involvement in the healing process
• Realistic expectations about recovery timeframes, typically taking at least a year
• Myth-busting common misconceptions about sexual pain being normal or inevitable
• The option to redefine what sex means for you and your relationship if penetration remains painful

Recommended resources: "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski (with accompanying workbook), "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz, and "Pure" by Linda K. Klein.

Contact us at podcast@validlove.org with your questions or comments.

The cultural war between parenthood and child-free living requires more nuance and understanding of both perspectives, their joys, and their challenges.

• Different categories of people exist in this conversation: parents, child-free by choice, child-free not by choice, fence sitters, and even antinatalists
• Chapel Roan's controversial comments about motherhood being "hell" sparked debate and defensiveness from parents
• Motherhood can involve significant physical changes, identity shifts, and bring up unresolved childhood trauma
• The first five years of parenthood are statistically the unhappiest for couples, contradicting the myth that babies save marriages
• Child-free by choice people often value freedom, autonomy and need to constantly defend their decision against social pressure
• Fence sitters exist in the middle ground, considering context, partnership, and different possible life paths
• Happiness and satisfaction aren't the same thing—parents may experience less happiness but deep satisfaction
• Equity in relationships becomes crucial when children enter the picture, with fair division of visible and invisible labor
• Viewing children as separate from legacy is healthier—"I want my kids to want to be my legacy, but that's not what they are"
• The most important question isn't "Do I want kids?" but "What kind of life do I want to build and with whom?"

Email your feedback and topic ideas to podcast@validlove.org

Kaelin, a therapist specializing in OCD, explores relationship OCD and the destructive cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that can hijack healthy relationships.

• OCD operates through intrusive thoughts causing distress, followed by compulsions that temporarily relieve anxiety
• Relationship OCD involves persistent doubts about one's relationship despite evidence of compatibility
• Common intrusive thoughts include questioning attraction, compatibility, or whether there's someone better
• Compulsions often involve reassurance seeking, comparing relationships, and obsessively researching relationship advice
• Partners of those with OCD often feel invalidated when constant reassurance doesn't help
• Effective OCD treatment includes Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
• Setting boundaries as a partner is important but challenging—supporting without feeding the OCD cycle
• Resources for help include NOCD and the International OCD Foundation
• Sexual OCD and pedophilia OCD are particularly stigmatized forms that attack a person's core values
• Intrusive thoughts about taboo subjects don't reflect a person's character or desires