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  • Is It Good or Bad News If We Depopulate "After the Spike"?

    Is It Good or Bad News If We Depopulate "After the Spike"?
    Jul 13 2025
    Simon & Schuster provided me with an advanced copy of the superb book After the Spike: Population, Progress, and the Case for People, scheduled for release on July 8, 2025. The University of Texas authors, Dean Spears and Michael Geruso, have written a mind-blowing book! It's my second favorite book of 2025! My favorite 2025 book is They're Not Gaslighting You. Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-JfpjJRkok Podcast The Population Whimper When I was born, Paul R. Ehrlich's book, The Population Bomb, was a mega-bestseller. Although I never read the book, my generation believed the book's message that humanity is dangerously overpopulated. The book gave me one major reason not to have children. The book made intuitive sense, built on Thomas Malthus's observations, that if our population continues to expand, we will eventually hit a brick wall. However, Ehrlich, a Stanford biologist, made these stunningly wrong predictions in The Population Bomb: Mass Starvation in the 1970s and 1980s: The book opened with the statement, "The battle to feed all of humanity is over. In the 1970s, hundreds of millions of people will starve to death in spite of any crash programs embarked upon now." England's Demise by 2000: He suggested that England would not exist by the year 2000 due to environmental collapse related to overpopulation. Devastation of Fish Populations by 1990: He predicted that all significant animal life in the sea would be extinct by 1990, and large areas of coastline would need to be evacuated due to the stench of dead fish. India's Famine: He predicted catastrophic food shortages in India in the 1990s that did not materialize. United States Food Rationing by 1984: He envisioned the U.S. rationing food by 1984. Instead of all this doom and gloom, here's what happened: we went from 3.5 billion (when Ehrich wrote his doomsday book) to 8 billion people today, most of whom are fat. Today, our biggest problem isn't famine but obesity. Dean Spears and Michael Geruso's new book should have been called The Population Whimper because it says the opposite of what The Population Bomb said. Forget a catastrophic demographic explosion. We're going to suffer a catastrophic demographic implosion. The graph on the cover of After the Spike sums up the problem: during a 200-year time period, the human population will have spiked to 10 billion and then experienced an equally dramatic fall. Three criticisms of After the Spike For a book packed with counterintuitive arguments, it's remarkable that I can only spot three flaws. Admittedly, these are minor critiques, as they will disappear if we stabilize below 10 billion. 1. Wildlife lost The authors correctly argue that the environment has been improving even as the human population has been growing rapidly. For example: Air and water are now cleaner than they were 50 years ago, when the population was half its current size.Our per capita CO2 consumption is falling.Clean energy production is at an all-time high. There's one metric that authors overlooked: wildlife. As the human population doubled, we've needed more space for growing food. This has led to a decrease in habitat, which is why biologists refer to the Anthropocene Extinction. While fish farms are efficient, overfishing continues.The Amazon gets denuded to make space for soy and cattle plantations.The loss of African wildlife habitats is acute, as the African population is projected to quadruple in this century. I imagine that the authors of After the Spike would counter: National parks didn't exist 200 years ago.Green revolutions and GMO foods have made the most productive farmers ever.De-extinction may restore extinct species. And they're correct. There are bright spots. However, as we approach 10 billion, wildlife will continue to suffer and be marginalized. The book should have mentioned that. Dean Spears and Michael Geruso would likely agree that if humans continue to grow nonstop, wildlife will continue to suffer. However, they aren't arguing for nonstop human expansion. They want stabilization. When you combine stabilization with technology (e.g., vertical farming and lab-grown animal products), we would reverse the downward trend in wildlife habitat. 2. Increased energy consumption Dean Spears and Michael Geruso celebrate humanity's progress in energy efficiency and productivity. However, they overlook these facts: 1. The Rebound Effect (Jevons Paradox): As energy efficiency improves, the cost of using energy services effectively decreases. This can lead to: Increased usage of existing services: For example, more efficient air conditioners might lead people to cool their homes to lower temperatures or for longer periods. More fuel-efficient cars might encourage more driving.Adoption of new energy-intensive activities: The increased affordability of energy services can enable entirely new consumption patterns that were previously too expensive to adopt. Think about the ...
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    23 min
  • Exercising Your Explorer Muscle. Exploring vs. Exploiting. Exploration in our DNA

    Exercising Your Explorer Muscle. Exploring vs. Exploiting. Exploration in our DNA
    Jul 4 2025
    Happy 4th of July, 2025! Celebrate your independence by exploring outside!

    In 3 WanderLearn episodes, Alex Hutchinson and I discuss his new book, The Explorer's Gene. This is the 3rd of 3 episodes.

    The Explorer's Gene examines human exploration broadly, going beyond traditional expeditions to investigate why humans explore everything from new foods to music.

    Watch my First Video Interview with Alex

    Video #2: Does Tech Impact on Our Desire to Explore? Is Exploration Required for Fulfillment? Video #3: Exercising Your Explorer Muscle. Exploring vs. Exploiting. Exploration in our DNA. Timeline for Episode 3

    0:00 Tips 02:00 Endurance & Exploring 05:30 Exploiting vs. Exploring 07:00 Exploring in our DNA 09:00 Many ways to explore

    About the book, The Explorer's Gene

    The Explorer's Gene is made of 3 parts: 1) Why do we explore 2) How do we explore 3) What does exploring mean Written in an engaging style that combines narrative stories with scientific research, it's comparable to Malcolm Gladwell's work but with stronger research foundations. It has a comprehensive scope and accessibility. It investigates human and animal exploratory behavior. The book connects external exploration to internal growth, offering insights into decision-making and personal development. It blends entertainment with scientific rigor, appealing to readers interested in human behavior, science writing, and personal growth.

    Feedback

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    Connect

    Send me an anonymous voicemail at SpeakPipe.com/FTapon

    You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at https://wanderlearn.com.

    If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!

    On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on:

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    Sponsors

    1. My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron for as little as $2/month at https://Patreon.com/FTapon

    2. For the best travel credit card, get one of the Chase Sapphire cards and get 75-100k bonus miles!

    3. Get $5 when you sign up for Roamless, my favorite global eSIM! Use code LR32K

    4. Get 25% off when you sign up for Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in.

    5. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free!

    6. In the United States, I recommend trading cryptocurrency with Kraken.

    7. Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees!

    8. For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.
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    14 min
  • The Fastest Traveler Looks to the Future

    The Fastest Traveler Looks to the Future
    Jun 26 2025

    Michael Zervos is the fastest traveler ever!

    Watch the Video

    Now that Michael Zervos has traveled to all the countries faster than anyone else, what's next for him?

    Additionally, what advice would he offer to anyone who wants to break his speed record?

    Did you know Zervos has a book deal? Exciting!

    We cover it all in 13 minutes!

    Timeline

    00:00 Advice to the next person who tries to beat the record

    04:50 Next steps

    Michael Zervos has visited every country faster than anyone else while recounting the happiest moments in people's lives. In this interview series, we talk about his Project Kosmos.

    Michael Zervos makes well-produced social media content. Visit Michael Zervos's Linktree for all his links.

    Follow Michael Zervos on Instagram.

    Connect

    Send me an anonymous voicemail at SpeakPipe.com/FTapon

    You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at https://wanderlearn.com.

    If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!

    On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on:

    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
    • Instagram
    • TikTok
    • LinkedIn
    • Pinterest
    • Tumblr

    Sponsors

    1. My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron for as little as $2/month at https://Patreon.com/FTapon

    2. Get $5 when you sign up for Roamless, my favorite global eSIM! Use code LR32K

    3. Get 25% off when you sign up for Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in.

    4. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free!

    5. In the United States, I recommend trading cryptocurrency with Kraken.

    6. Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees!

    7. For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.
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    14 min
  • Fastest To Travel to Every Country: Michael Zervos of Project Kosmos

    Fastest To Travel to Every Country: Michael Zervos of Project Kosmos
    Jun 20 2025

    I'm celebrating the 350th podcast episode with Michael Zervos! He did it!

    Many people try to travel to all the countries in the world quickly, but most fail.

    Therefore, when I met Zervos in Côte d'Ivoire in February 2024, when he was just 10% into his race, it seemed highly unlikely that he would succeed where so many others had failed.

    Still, there was something about Zervos that made me believe he would pull off this stunt.

    Although many things impressed me about Zervos, the most important was his level of organization. He had secured valuable sponsors who would help him get visas, which is the biggest bottleneck in this quest. As someone who has visited 127 countries, I know how visas limit you more than money. Having two passports would help in obtaining visas, although he did most of the journey with only his US passport.

    After completing his quest, Zervos and I discussed the following topics:

    00:00 The stats

    03:00 Deported from Nicaragua

    6:16 Two other surprises

    10:45 One regret

    12:45 Where to revisit

    16:30 Where not revisit

    Video

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfprfrcYrvU

    Podcast

    Michael Zervos has visited every country faster than anyone else while recounting the happiest moments in people's lives. In this interview series, we talk about his Project Kosmos.

    Michael Zervos makes well-produced social media content. Visit Michael Zervos's Linktree for all his links.

    Follow Michael Zervos on Instagram.

    Connect

    Send me an anonymous voicemail at SpeakPipe.com/FTapon

    You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at https://wanderlearn.com.

    If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!

    On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on:

    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
    • Instagram
    • TikTok
    • LinkedIn
    • Pinterest
    • Tumblr

    Sponsors

    1. My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron for as little as $2/month at https://Patreon.com/FTapon

    2. Get $5 when you sign up for Roamless, my favorite global eSIM! Use code LR32K

    3. Get 25% off when you sign up for Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in.

    4. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free!

    5. In the United States, I recommend trading cryptocurrency with Kraken.

    6. Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees!

    7. For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.
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    22 min
  • Nomadic Matt's Best Travel Tips

    Nomadic Matt's Best Travel Tips
    Jun 13 2025
    Nomadic Matt is a pioneering travel blogger. One day, we'll call him the grandfather of travel blogging during the Golden Era of travel blogs. He's not known for his travel feats but rather for the extensive tips he's provided on his popular website, which focuses on budget travel. Watch the Video The book's budget used to be $50/day, but inflation and a post-COVID world forced Matt to update his book. In 2025, he refreshed his bestselling book, which is now called How to Travel the World on $75 a Day. As part of his book tour, he's appearing on the WanderLearn Show twice! Nomadic Matt discusses 00:00 When to book a hotel 02:40 Why is Africa left out of his book? 05:10 Bilt Rewards Credit Card 08:10 Airline booking tips 09:20 Travel insurance 12:00 Tourist Cards 15:00 Why Matt travels less than before 18:30 Blogging is dead? Questions What's the most embarrassing or ridiculous thing you've done to save money while traveling?What's the difference between EatWith, WithLocals, and Traveling Spoon?When do you usually book your hotels?Why is Africa left out?Are tourism cards still worth it?When do you use travel insurance?Why not use Kiwi?What are Bilt Rewards? His book is packed with tips. Here are my favorite ones. The best websites to keep track of the latest credit card deals BoardingAreaFlyerTalkThe Points GuyView from the Wing Pay your rent and get frequent flyer points with Bilt Rewards Matt's top three airline booking sites My favorite airline website is Kiwi, and use this link to get $10 off. He doesn't mention Kiwi in his book. Instead, his favorite flight booking sites are: SkyscannerMomondoGoogle Flights For insurance Safety WingWorld NomadsMedjetAssistIMGInsureMyTrip for comparison shopping Sell your old clothes to raise money for your trip VintedThredUpPoshmark Online Garage sale to raise funds and downsize VarageSaleOfferUpSwappa for electronicsGazelleDecluttr Anytime Mailbox starts at $6 and has several locations. Lodging Sites LateRoomsLast MinuteHotel TonightPricelineHotwireRoomer allows you to buy someone else's hotel reservation at a steep discountAgoda excels in East Asia Food Matt is a foodie. I am not. Here are some of his favorite sites: EatWith has 5000+ hosts in over 130 countriesWithLocalsTraveling Spoon Ride-sharing or hitchhiking for the 21st century Search for "ride-sharing" and the name of the region/country where you are traveling. You'll usually find options. I've used BlaBlaCar in Europe, for example. Tourism Cards Nomadic Matt sold me on the tourism cards that give you access to popular sites and public transportation. Although that can save you nearly half the price, it's only suitable for those doing a whirlwind, fast, and comprehensive tour. If you want to see the British Museum, don't get the London Pass. But it makes sense if you're going to see most of the significant sites. Why is Africa left out? The first half of the book offers general, practical advice. The second provides specific guidance to various regions. For example, he has a section about Australia. You'd think a book that helps travelers live on $75 a day would encourage tourists to visit Africa. Like Southeast Asia, parts of Africa have a low cost of living. For example, in 2013, in Benin, I rented a two-room place with a shower (but a shared outhouse for a toilet) for $10 per month! Ten years later, maybe the price has doubled to $20 a month! Still, Nomadic Matt confesses, "I had to make trade-offs and omit the lesser-visited countries and regions..." (Kindle Location 1434). I won't quibble with his decision or logic. Conclusion When I got an advanced copy of Nomadic Matt's book, I expected to be bored out of my mind. I figured it was a book for beginners or intermediate travelers, not hyper-experienced travel studs like me. As usual, I was wrong. Nomadic Matt pumped me with many ideas I was oblivious to. Although I shared my favorite ones on this page, buy How to Travel the World on $75 a Day to get all his excellent advice. Feedback Leave anonymous audio feedback at SpeakPipe Connect Send me an anonymous voicemail at SpeakPipe.com/FTapon You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at https://wanderlearn.com. If you like this podcast, subscribe and share! On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on: FacebookTwitterYouTubeInstagramTikTokLinkedInPinterestTumblr Sponsors 1. My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron for as little as $2/month at https://Patreon.com/FTapon 2. Get $5 when you sign up for Roamless, my favorite global eSIM! Use code LR32K 3. Get 25% off when you sign up for Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in. 4. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free! 5. In the United States, I recommend trading cryptocurrency with Kraken. 6. Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees! 7. For ...
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    23 min
  • How Nomadic Matt Travels on $75 a Day!

    How Nomadic Matt Travels on $75 a Day!
    Jun 6 2025
    Nomadic Matt is a pioneering travel blogger. One day, we'll call him the grandfather of travel blogging during the Golden Era of travel blogs. He's not known for his travel feats but rather for the extensive tips he's provided on his popular website, which focuses on budget travel. Watch the video interview The book's budget used to be $50/day, but inflation and a post-COVID world forced Matt to update his book. In 2025, he refreshed his bestselling book, which is now called How to Travel the World on $75 a Day. As part of his book tour, he's appearing on the WanderLearn Show twice! #1 How Nomadic Matt Travels on $75 a Day! Nomadic Matt discusses: 00:00 Splitting between Austin and NYC 02:40 Couchsurfing 05:15 Stupidly cheap 07:00 EatWith and Traveling Spoon Questions What's the most embarrassing or ridiculous thing you've done to save money while traveling?What's the difference between EatWith, WithLocals, and Traveling Spoon?When do you usually book your hotels?Why is Africa left out?Are tourism cards still worth it?When do you use travel insurance?Why not use Kiwi?What are Bilt Rewards? His book is packed with tips. Here are my favorite ones. The best websites to keep track of the latest credit card deals BoardingAreaFlyerTalkThe Points GuyView from the Wing Pay your rent and get frequent flyer points with Bilt Rewards Matt's top three airline booking sites My favorite airline website is Kiwi, and use this link to get $10 off. He doesn't mention Kiwi in his book. Instead, his favorite flight booking sites are: SkyscannerMomondoGoogle Flights For insurance Safety WingWorld NomadsMedjetAssistIMGInsureMyTrip for comparison shopping Sell your old clothes to raise money for your trip VintedThredUpPoshmark Online Garage sale to raise funds and downsize VarageSaleOfferUpSwappa for electronicsGazelleDecluttr Anytime Mailbox starts at $6 and has several locations. Lodging Sites LateRoomsLast MinuteHotel TonightPricelineHotwireRoomer allows you to buy someone else's hotel reservation at a steep discountAgoda excels in East Asia Food Matt is a foodie. I am not. Here are some of his favorite sites: EatWith has 5000+ hosts in over 130 countriesWithLocalsTraveling Spoon Ride-sharing or hitchhiking for the 21st century Search for "ride-sharing" and the name of the region/country where you are traveling. You'll usually find options. I've used BlaBlaCar in Europe, for example. Tourism Cards Nomadic Matt sold me on the tourism cards that give you access to popular sites and public transportation. Although that can save you nearly half the price, it's only suitable for those doing a whirlwind, fast, and comprehensive tour. If you want to see the British Museum, don't get the London Pass. But it makes sense if you're going to see most of the significant sites. Why is Africa left out? The first half of the book offers general, practical advice. The second provides specific guidance to various regions. For example, he has a section about Australia. You'd think a book that helps travelers live on $75 a day would encourage tourists to visit Africa. Like Southeast Asia, parts of Africa have a low cost of living. For example, in 2013, in Benin, I rented a two-room place with a shower (but a shared outhouse for a toilet) for $10 per month! Ten years later, maybe the price has doubled to $20 a month! Still, Nomadic Matt confesses, "I had to make trade-offs and omit the lesser-visited countries and regions..." (Kindle Location 1434). I won't quibble with his decision or logic. Conclusion When I got an advanced copy of Nomadic Matt's book, I expected to be bored out of my mind. I figured it was a book for beginners or intermediate travelers, not hyper-experienced travel studs like me. As usual, I was wrong. Nomadic Matt pumped me with many ideas I was oblivious to. Although I shared my favorite ones on this page, buy How to Travel the World on $75 a Day to get all his excellent advice. Feedback Leave anonymous audio feedback at SpeakPipe Connect Send me an anonymous voicemail at SpeakPipe.com/FTapon You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at https://wanderlearn.com. If you like this podcast, subscribe and share! On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on: FacebookTwitterYouTubeInstagramTikTokLinkedInPinterestTumblr Sponsors 1. My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron for as little as $2/month at https://Patreon.com/FTapon 2. Get $5 when you sign up for Roamless, my favorite global eSIM! Use code LR32K 3. Get 25% off when you sign up for Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in. 4. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free! 5. In the United States, I recommend trading cryptocurrency with Kraken. 6. Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees! 7. For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.
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    12 min
  • "Battle of the Big Bang" author Phil Halper reveals competing theories

    "Battle of the Big Bang" author Phil Halper reveals competing theories
    May 28 2025

    Battle of the Big Bang: The New Tales of Our Cosmic Origins examines the most profound idea: how did the universe begin?

    Watch the video, as it includes illustrations in the final 10 minutes.

    Although I'm not a physicist, I have read many books about the Big Bang, physics, and the universe.

    This book is an in-depth exploration of the competing models that hypothesize about our origins.

    I appreciated learning about the Ekpyrotic universe and Conformal Cyclic Cosmology (CCC), two novel ideas. For instance, CCC posits that "the universe is cyclic but never re-collapses. Each eon expands until all mass disappears."

    "In the Ekpyrotic universe, the movement of the branes is controlled by a springlike force, operating in a higher dimension. What was being suggested was that this force is felt in our reality as dark energy."

    I also appreciated that the book included several illustrations that were essential for grasping these counterintuitive topics.

    One of the authors, Phil Halper, is a well-known YouTuber.

    The other co-author is Niayesh Afshordi, a cosmologist.

    I interviewed Phil Halper on my WanderLearn Show.

    Watch the 30-second book trailer

    If you're fascinated by the Big Bang, watch the video below, where I interview Phil Halper, one of the book's co-authors.

    Here's the timeline:

    00:00 Problems with the Big Bang 04:00 Before the Big Bang 06:20 Stephen Hawking's Strange Theory 09:30 Imaginary numbers and time 11:11 Natural Selection of Universes 19:30 Are we in a white hole? 23:40 Conformal Cyclic Cosmology CCC 25:00 Ekpyrotic theory 28:30 Carroll-Chen Model

    Feedback

    Leave anonymous audio feedback at SpeakPipe

    More info

    You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at http://wanderlearn.com.

    If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!

    On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on:

    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
    • Instagram
    • TikTok
    • LinkedIn
    • Pinterest
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    My Patrons sponsored this show!

    Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron at http://Patreon.com/FTapon

    Rewards start at just $2/month!

    Affiliate links

    Get 25% off when you sign up to Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in.

    Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free!

    In the USA, I recommend trading crypto with Kraken.

    Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees!

    For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.
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    34 min
  • They're NOT gaslighting you! Dr. Isabelle Morley on the weaponization of therapy speak

    They're NOT gaslighting you! Dr. Isabelle Morley on the weaponization of therapy speak
    May 20 2025
    I’ve never highlighted a book as much as They’re Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship. It's my favorite book in 2025! Watch the Video Interview Author Dr. Isabelle Morley gives us a timely book that rejects the reckless proliferation of the following terms: SociopathPsychopathLove bombNarcissistBoundariesBorderlineToxicGaslighting Who is Dr. Isabelle Morley? Dr. Morley is not a chronic gaslighter trying to convince the world that she doesn't gaslight by writing a book about it. Here's her resume: Author of Navigating Intimacy and They’re Not Gaslighting YouCo-host of the podcast Romcom RescueContributor to Psychology TodayAdvisory Board Member of the Keepler appFounding Board Member of UCANMember of the American Psychological AssociationCertified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)The Gottman Method – Completed Levels 1 and 2Relational Life Therapy – Completed Level 1PsyD in Clinical Psychology from William James College, 2015Doctoral project researching hookup culture’s impact on relationship formation, 2015Master's in Professional Psychology from William James College, 2013Bachelor of Arts from Tufts University, 2011 My Fatima Story I dated a woman for two years. Let’s call her Fatima. In the second half of our relationship, Fatima bombarded me with many of the highly charged and often misused words listed above. After she dumped me the fifth and final time, I finally pushed back on her barrage of accusations. I said to her, “So, you truly believe I’m a narcissist? Let’s look up the clinical definition of a narcissist and see how I stack up.” She agreed. Perplexity wrote: To be clinically considered as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) according to the DSM-5, an individual must exhibit at least five out of nine specific characteristics. These characteristics, as summarized by the acronym “SPECIAL ME,” include: Sense of self-importance Exaggerating achievements and expecting to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.Preoccupation Being preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal loveEntitled Having unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.Can only be around people who are important or special Believing that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).Interpersonally exploitative Taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends.Arrogant Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.Lack empathy Being unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.Must be admired Requiring excessive admiration.Envious Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them. These symptoms must be pervasive, apparent in various social situations, and consistently rigid over time. A qualified healthcare professional typically diagnoses NPD through a clinical interview. The traits should also substantially differ from social norms. I asked her how many of these nine characteristics I exhibited consistently, pervasively, and in many social situations. She agreed that I was nowhere near five of the nine. Admittedly, I sometimes exhibited some of these nine characteristics in my intimate relationship with Fatima. I’m certainly guilty of that. However, to qualify as a true narcissist, you must display at least five of these nine characteristics often and with most people, not just your partner. To her credit, my ex-girlfriend sheepishly backed down from that accusation, saying, “You’re right, Francis, you’re not a narcissist.” Later, I would educate her (or, as she would say, “mansplain”) about another of her favorite words: gaslighting. I mansplained by sending her a video clip of renowned couples therapist Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, who explained why standard disagreements and having different perspectives aren’t gaslighting. Soon after explaining that, Mrs. Gottman explains why, in some ways, “everybody is narcissistic.” Watch 6 minutes from 1:35:30 to 1:41:30: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9kPmiV0B34&t=5730s After listening to an expert define gaslighting, Fatima apologized for incorrectly using the term. This is what I loved about Fatima: she wouldn’t stubbornly cling to her position when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. This is a rare trait I cherish. Narcissists and sociopaths are about 1% of the population, so it’s highly unlikely that all your exes are narcissists and sociopaths. Still, Fatima flung other popular, misused terms at me. She loved talking about “boundaries” and “red flags.” According to Dr. Morley, my ex “weaponized therapy speak.” Dr. Morley writes, “It’s not a new phenomenon for people to use therapy terms casually, even flippantly, to describe themselves...
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    36 min