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You’re Not Lazy, You’re In Protective Mode

You’re Not Lazy, You’re In Protective Mode

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 Content WarningThis episode discusses grief, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Please take care of yourself while listening. If you’re in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.When stress, grief, or trauma hit, your brain can shift into protective mode—withdrawing, numbing out, or feeling “lazy.” That isn’t a moral failing; it’s biology doing its best to keep you safe. In this episode, Rachel/Ray shares Brian’s story of profound loss and the slow return to connection, and offers simple, biology-backed practices (grounding, micro-movements, temperature shifts, voice notes, and music) to help you work with your nervous system instead of against it.Song spotlight: Sleep Token — “Infinite Baths.”Excerpt shared in-episode. Listen here: https://youtu.be/noWUQci7BsU?si=dk1nBeZV5DqIvph35-4-3-2-1 grounding to orient to safetyMicro-movements (stand, stretch, tap fingers, short walk)Temperature shift (splash cold water/hold an ice cube/step outside briefly)Paced breathing to nudge the vagus nerve and calm arousalVoice note from “future you” (record on a good day; play on a hard day)Music as regulation (one song that matches your state, then one that lifts it slightly)Connection/co-regulation (reaching out; even quiet presence helps)U.S. — 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988, or chat via the official site. 24/7, free & confidential. Hey NHSCrisis Text Line (U.S.): Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a live, trained Crisis Counselor. 24/7.The Trevor Project (LGBTQIA+ youth, U.S.): Call, text, or chat for 24/7 support. Royal Berkshire NHS Foundation TrustTrans Lifeline (peer support, U.S./Canada): Community-run hotline for trans people. MDPISAMHSA National Helpline (U.S.): 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for mental health/substance use treatment referrals. Hey NHSOutside the U.S.: Find your country’s helpline via Find a Helpline (global directory). PMCThese services are not a substitute for ongoing care. If you can, consider reaching out to a licensed mental-health professional in your area.Stress, amygdala & prefrontal “offline”Review of how acute stress chemistry (e.g., catecholamines) can impair prefrontal cortex functions (planning, motivation) and bias us toward survival responses. PNASNaming emotions (“affect labeling”)Putting feelings into words can reduce amygdala reactivity and engage regulatory networks. (Accessible review summarizing classic findings.) AcademiaGrounding / 5-4-3-2-1A commonly recommended sensory grounding technique in clinical guidance (NHS). PubMedPaced/slow breathing & vagal activitySlow, regular breathing is associated with increased heart-rate variability (a marker linked with vagal regulation) and calmer arousal. SCIRPTemperature shifts & the “diving reflex”Brief cold-water facial exposure can trigger parasympathetic responses (slowing heart rate), which some people find calming. PMCSocial support & threat reduction (co-regulation)Supportive presence/handholding can dampen neural threat responding; perceived support matters. Oxford AcademicMusic and the brain’s reward systemPowerful musical moments engage dopamine-related reward circuitry, which can help with mood regulation. PMCGuest story: Brian (shared with permission).Music mention: Sleep Token — “Infinite Baths.” Please support the artist via official channels.Host/Producer: Rachel (“Ray”).Disclaimer: This podcast shares personal experiences and educational information; it is not therapy or medical advice.
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