The Joy of Parenting

I spent the first decade of my life in a small city in the Midwest that is so average it's held as the arbiter of all things middle class. I lived in a not-so-expensive neighborhood walking distance to a small university, and the neighbors included large working class families and professors just starting out who already had a kid or two before the age of 26. Everyone was married, and everyone's mother was a stay-at-home mom, and moms maybe sold Tupperware or Avon for a little extra cash. Kids delivered papers, mowed lawns, and shoveled snow for spending money.

Sounds like a neat little slice of mid-20th century America, but I'm not that old and things weren't that great. Title IX and organized sports for girls was just a dream, which was good because most families only had one car and Dad took it to work. Every mother ironed, and having the ironing board out in the kitchen during the day was a source of pride. Mothers that actually boiled clothes in starch, hung them up to dry, and then ironed - well, that was the gold standard of housekeeping. Expensive vacations were out of the question - wherever you went, it had to be drivable. Who could afford to fly 2 or 6 or 8 kids to Disneyland?

Things have changed drastically for middle class parents since then, as Jennifer Senior explains in "All Joy and No Fun" (2014). Over 64% of mothers with children under the age of 18 work now. Conversely, Moms and Dads actually spend a lot more time parenting - 30% at least - than parents did more than a quarter century ago. There are less white shirt boiling and ironing, and more soccer practice, piano lessons, and Chinese classes.

Senior discusses a lot of statistical, peer reviewed studies on parents and parenting, including the idea that as parents, we are happier than our own parents were as a whole. That is the "Joy" part of the title. Personally, I don't find being a housekeeper fun, which seems to be a lot of being a parent. (Don't believe me? Try sending your 4th grader to school wearing dirty jeans more than once . . .)

I do enjoy - and find joy - in my kids. I'll remember them them in my arms as babies long after I forget my own name. My parents enjoyed me, but their joy was tempered with an early 20's nervousness. I was 10 years older as a first time parent, and I was more sure about what I was doing. I had Velcro diaper fasteners and car seats, not large pins and a swaddled kid in my lap. That's another important point Senior makes: we are older and more educated than our parents were, and overall, life is a lot safer for everyone - kids included.

Senior takes the Malcolm Gladwell ("David and Goliath" 2013; "Outliers" 2008) approach to sociology: she collects groups of related research; gives it a name; and presents it in a coherent, cohesive way that resonates with 'the public'. Senior, like Gladwell, starts an important conversation - but, like Gladwell, she doesn't condescend by pretending to know all the answers.

Senior does the narration herself, and she's got a bit of a Demi Moore/"St. Elmo's Fire" (1985) huskiness going on.

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183 people found this helpful

Beautiful.

This is one of the best books about parenthood I've ever read. Senior does not claim to have the answers or offer advice, and yet I feel more equipped after having read it. It is a look at parenthood as a whole: the history, stages, effects. It puts so many day-to-day trials into perspective and helps the reader to be more forgiving of themselves. It was like a balm for my soul.

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25 people found this helpful

Thought provoking

Would you consider the audio edition of All Joy and No Fun to be better than the print version?

Not necessarily

What does Jennifer Senior bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Her inflection and emphasis is perfect because she knows this material so well.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No, there's way too much information to be absorbed at once. This a book that can be better appreciated by listening intermittently.

Any additional comments?

Jennifer Senior has a husky voice which made me initially think she suffered from a cold. In the beginning I found her somewhat hard to understand, but I got used to her cadence and felt ultimately her knowledge of the material made her the best reader possible.

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14 people found this helpful

A must read for people with children

Would you listen to All Joy and No Fun again? Why?

Yes. It would actually be a good "reference" book. Lots of things to reflect on. Jennifer does a great jod on the narration of the book. I particularly like the fact that she does not pretend to be an expert on several fields but rather quotes the studies, people and scientists that she consulted.

What does Jennifer Senior bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Her voice is engaging. That was actually one of the factors that made me decide to listen to the audiobook, after listening to Jennifer's TED talk.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes.

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12 people found this helpful

All fun.

If you are a parent, you will thank this book for appreciating your efforts in a way your children never will.

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9 people found this helpful

All Stats and No Insights

The near constant recitation of studies and statistics occasionally interspersed with anecdotal stories which - unfortunately - I found uncompelling. As a bonus - it ends on a horribly sad note. Thanks for that.

Also, I do wish the author had chosen not to read the book herself. She wasn't horrible but she didn't have a sense of pacing that a professional reader would have had and pacing is so very important with an audio book.

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9 people found this helpful

A valuable perspective on parenting

As someone who is looking forward to being a parent, I wanted to find a book that would speak to the implications of parenthood beyond managing the child. This book has provided a healthy insight into the complex nature of raising children in America's modern society. While I expect my own family challenges that no book can necessarily prepare me for, this book gives valuable wisdom to help reflect on when faced with the unique challenge that is raising a person.

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8 people found this helpful

A joy to listen to

Would you listen to All Joy and No Fun again? Why?

Possibly. I don't generally listen to/read books more than once.

Which character – as performed by Jennifer Senior – was your favorite?

Jennifer Senior - she was brilliant as herself

What did you learn from All Joy and No Fun that you would use in your daily life?

Great practical tips on big-picture parenting theory.

Any additional comments?

All parents should read this.

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7 people found this helpful

step parent relief

I was dating a divorced man with 4 kids and things were getting serious. I've never had children in my life before, and I was nervous to be around them. Although I know that step-parents have their own set of unique challenges, reading this book helped me calm my fears and think, "maybe I can do this."

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5 people found this helpful

Satisfaction for mothers, by mothers, bout mothers

What disappointed you about All Joy and No Fun?

If this is informative, then most Americans are sadly misinformed about both current parenthood and parenthood throughout history. Do people honestly not realize that "childhood" is a modern invention? that the women's rights movement did not start in 1968? While the references to academic papers were interesting, these were all applied to women's frustrations with the parenting process, and the author bemoans the fact that there is no easy fix. She's wrong.

Would you ever listen to anything by Jennifer Senior again?

probably not

What did you like about the performance? What did you dislike?

Nothing wrong with it, and it's not a novel, so it's like listening to a long paper. Unfortunately, it's one that doesn't apply to you if you're a guy.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

It should help some mothers see that they are not alone in their frustrations with parenting. Unfortunately, it will only cement all the old ideas that most of the problem is that their husbands aren't doing enough to help them.

Any additional comments?

There's an easy fix for most men: more sex, or, even some sex, with their wives, whom they love. It's not nearly as complicated as women want to make it.

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4 people found this helpful