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Coping

Written by: Chaplain Kevin Deegan & Life Coach Kathy Young Deegan
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  • Summary

  • In these unprecedented times how are you coping? Join hosts Chaplain Kevin & Life Coach Kathy as they discuss relevant topics and practical tools for healthy coping. Chaplain Kevin Deegan is a Board Certified Chaplain who is serving on the front lines in hospital ministry. Kathy Young Deegan is a certified Life & Vocation Coach helping individuals overcome their life obstacles and discover their true calling.
    © 2023 Coping
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Episodes
  • Courage: Models & Myths

    Courage: Models & Myths
    Apr 30 2024
    Kathy and Kevin discuss the topic of courage and explore its true meaning beyond the common misconceptions. Reframing the perception of courage as not just physical bravery but as the ability to stay true to one's desires and walk one's own path despite fears or external pressures is important on your path to becoming healthy. Kathy Welcome back everyone for another episode of “Coping”. Kevin That's right. So today we're going to talk about a new topic, something that we just explored in a recent spring retreat that you led. Kathy Yes, our spring retreat was titled, Take Courage. Kevin That's right. So I wonder, what comes to mind when we think of courage? What does that word mean? Kathy That's a great question. What do you think? Kevin Well, when I think of courage, I think about somebody who faces their fears. I also think about gladiators in ancient Rome, folks who were fighting for survival and showing brute force and physical strength, sort of like the idea that comes to mind for me. Kathy Yeah, there's so much to explore with this topic of courage. Let's get started. Kathy So, as we mentioned, our topic today is courage. A recent retreat was Take Courage. And when I did some research exploring the root of the word courage, I found something really interesting. So, the Latin word from courage comes from the word 'core'. And the earliest forms of the word, you know, courage had a different definition than it does today. Courage actually meant to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart. Kevin Oh, fascinating. I did not know that. So I guess that begs the question, how is courage related to telling one's story or, as the quote says, to speak one's mind and telling their heart? How are those things related to telling your story? Kathy Sure. So what I think is that the true definition of courage has to do with the ability of us being vulnerable and authentic in the telling of our stories. Kevin Say more about what it means to speak your heart. Kathy So I would say that when we speak our hearts, we're listening to what the truths are that we hold dear. But what often happens is the noise of our world clouds that out, other people's expectations, us wanting to people please, us not wanting to let others down. We don't get to live our truth because of all of the noise and the anxiety surrounding what other people want for us. But when we get to the core of what we actually desire and care about is being able to speak our truths. Kevin Hmm. What I hear you saying is that speaking your heart is getting honest with yourself about what your desires are, your hopes, your dreams are, as opposed to all the expectations, all of the outward distractions and things that pull us one way or the other, but to stay true to our path where we want to go, where we feel like we're being led. Kathy Absolutely. Has that been a struggle for you? Kevin I've definitely struggled with that I am the type of person that people pleases and lives a life seeking out external affirmation and wanting to please others around me and seeking that validation from others but in the in the times where I feel most discontent it's the times that I'm seeking the most external validation and approval from others and in the times where I've been most satisfied or have been most confident or have made the hardest decisions in my life and the best ones are the times that I decided to stay true to my heart to speak my truth and to walk that path. Kathy Mm-hmm, and that is the essence of courage is what you're describing Kevin I have a feeling there's some myths around courage. Can you tell us a little bit about some of the misconceptions and the myths surrounding the idea of courage? Kathy Sure, so the first myth that we often hear is, "I don't feel courageous." Kevin Right. Kathy And I can think back to times in my own life when I did courageous acts and in the midst of it, wasn't feeling particularly courageous or brave or strong, but I was still moving forward into those actions which others would describe as courageous. I wonder, I know that you have had many courageous acts in your life. Were you feeling courage in those moments and spaces? Kevin Hmm, In the times where I was appearing in the world as most courageous were the times that I felt like I had no other option, that I had to do the brave thing because it was the only thing I was faced with an impossible circumstance and was left with no other choice but to be courageous, that I had to face some of the challenges in my life and take them head on. I don't know if it was courage in my traditional understanding of courage of being brave and facing my fears as much as it was looking internally to my heart and coming to terms with what I wanted for my life and seeking that. So I think the definition that you described today, I would say yeah, I...
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    20 mins
  • Leslie's Story: Writing "Walking in Healing"

    Leslie's Story: Writing "Walking in Healing"
    Apr 2 2024

    Summary

    Kathy interviews Leslie on writing her memoir. She discusses her journey from journaling privately to publishing a book sharing her story and healing process. Listen to how the power of writing can transform your life.

    Kathy: So welcome, Leslie. My first question is, what prompted you to write your memoir, your own story?

    Leslie: Well, I love to write. I just, growing up, I didn't know what, exactly. I started when I was younger, like just writing in my journal, because I did not know how to express myself, so the only way I could do it is through journaling. And then I discovered later on that I just love writing. I wanted to write a devotional because I felt like devotions are so pretty. And so, you know, just something that takes, that I could write about God and not about me. But then once I started writing, the only thing I could write is my story and then God began to work there.

    Kathy: Well, you mentioned one obstacle already of wanting to write your own story. What other obstacles did you face in this project?

    Leslie: For sure, fear of a lot of things. But one thing that, because I started writing a few years ago, but I got stuck and the fear of being vulnerable. I felt that it was too much or too "out there". And I just was thinking of what if people say this or like just focusing on that and I didn't know how to be vulnerable.

    Kathy: And then how did you overcome that? Because I'll just get stuck there, right? We're like, oh, nobody cares about this or people are going to judge me or I'm telling too, it's TMI.

    Kathy: Yes.

    Leslie: I remember one day in particular that I was just wanting to write. And then, so I got it again and now I just kept writing. And at that very moment, God began to heal some of the things that I wasn't writing and I realized that I was being healed while I was writing. And I wanted to experience that and help someone else experience it. I knew that the smallest thing people can relate to. So I felt like if I just write this and one person can relate, then it'll be worth it, you know? I'll write about my life and about healing, but the healing part of writing this book was another level.
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    3 mins
  • Does My Story Matter?

    Does My Story Matter?
    Mar 19 2024
    Kathy and Kevin discuss overcoming common blocks people face in sharing their personal stories and why every human story matters. They address common myths that our stories are boring or unimportant, fears of revisiting the past or reactions from others, and the healing power of vulnerability in finding connection and give listeners advice about why each story matters and how to start small by sharing with trusted individuals to begin integrating past and present into an evolving narrative arc. Author Leslie Carcamo discusses the transformative power of writing her memoir, “Walking in Healing”. Kevin: Hi everyone. Welcome back to another episode of "Coping". Kathy: Yes, welcome everyone. Today we want to finish up our story theme as we dive into asking the question, "Does your story matter?" Kevin: "Does our story matter?" That's a great question. Let's get started. Kathy: So In our Story Journey this year we are learning about our story myths, origin stories and now writing our stories. So as every author knows, you know, we have to wrestle with what we call writer's block. And whether you're writing your story or telling your life story, there are these blocks that arise. So we know that there are around three reasons why we experience blocks and sharing our own stories, but really at the core is this question we're diving in today: Does my story matter? Kevin: Yeah, it's a really great question. In my work as a chaplain spending time with patients in a hospital setting, most of the work that I do centers around meaning-making which happens through conversation and delving into patient stories, their experience both before being diagnosed and now with a new onset illness or medical crisis that's going on in their life and Sometimes patients will conclude sharing their story by saying something like, "Well I know that others have it way worse than I do" or they'll say something like, "Well, I don't want to bore you with my story." So it's interesting. There are these blocks in sharing our own story and that question arising, "does my story matter and what is it mean in comparison to other people's stories who perhaps have it worse than I do or have different experiences than I do? What value does my story have? And why should I share my story with other people?" Kathy: Yes, I've heard all of those. And I've experienced that as well. I know that when I was younger, I would say, like, high school and college years, I thought my life story was super boring. I didn't have any drama or crisis, you know, I was basically the good girl. So I thought that was very uninteresting and nobody would care to hear that story. Yeah, I just thought, "who wants to hear my story? My story doesn't really matter." Kevin: Right. And of course, I know most of your story you describe yourself as the good girl growing up but then life happened. Do you mind sharing a little bit more about how your life and story unfolded? Kathy: Yes, so some of our listeners already know that in my late 30s that we experienced a family crisis and I think of course it wasn't boring any longer I couldn't say that but I was I'll admit that I was ashamed to tell my story for probably about 10 years because there was a lot of judgment from different places about my situation and my choices and I would say maybe within the last seven years -- which is very recent -- I have embraced my story and integrated into the person that you know me to be now. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Yeah that integration piece is such an important part of processing our stories making sense of the things that have happened to us and then finding a pathway forward right? It's a journey, as you said. Yeah so I know that you are in the middle of a Journey with a group of students who are exploring their stories writing their stories tell us a little bit about what you're learning in that group and some of the lessons that we can learn about the types of story blocks that we all can experience. Kathy: Yes it's an amazing Journey and it hasn't been easy just like our lives right? The book we have chosen is Leslie Leyland Fields' "Your Story Matters" and in that, because she's an author and writer herself and a writing coach, she talks about the obstacles like the writing blocks to sharing your story and the first one she talks about is the one I mentioned earlier about me that I experienced and it's the one that says "my life is uninteresting". My story doesn't matter because my life is uninteresting. And while that might be factually true, let's say you are, in your estimation, leading a boring or uninteresting life, one thing to remember is that all of our stories are human stories. So that means that someone out there can always benefit from your story. Kevin: And say a little bit more about that. Why is it that somebody else can benefit from that? Kathy: So in our class, for example, we had a writing prompt called, "How I Got to School Every Day". And when I proposed ...
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    16 mins
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