Personal growth is beautiful — until it’s not. In this episode, Andrew and Cat talk about the hidden fatigue that comes with healing, self-development, and “always improving.” They unpack why the messy middle is normal, why growth never really ends, and how to rest without guilt.

• Growth is cyclical, not linear. You’re not failing — you’re just in a different season.
• The messy middle matters. No one talks about the “in-between” years where progress feels invisible.
• Fatigue is feedback, not failure. Your body and mind need recovery as much as your muscles do.
• Judgment makes it worse. Beating yourself up for being human delays your healing.
• Rest is part of growth. Pausing helps new habits take root.

1️⃣ Redefine success. There’s no “finish line” to personal growth. It’s a lifelong practice.

2️⃣ Accept regression as recalibration. Two steps forward, one pizza back (as Andrew says). It’s all part of the process.

3️⃣ Track what you did, not what you missed. Cat’s “reverse to-do list” builds perspective and gratitude.

4️⃣ Beware the comparison trap. Everyone has a different deck of cards — focus on your own hand.

5️⃣ Switch it up. If your routines feel heavy, try a new form of movement, journaling, or rest.

6️⃣ Recognize seasons. Some months are for pushing forward; others are for digesting what you’ve learned.

• Constant fatigue or mental fog
• Loss of joy in “self-care” routines
• Guilt for resting or taking breaks
• Feeling like nothing is ever enough

• Write a “done list” instead of a to-do list.
• Take micro-breaks during the day — stillness counts.
• Build seasonal awareness: winter = rest, spring = renewal.
• Remind yourself: “I am not behind. I’m evolving.”

• Cat: A golden fall day in Chicago — crisp air, bright sun, and a long peaceful walk. 🍂
• Andrew: Cozy weekend show (“Nobody Wants This”) — proof that slowing down can feel just as good as achieving.

• Website: fiveyearyou.com
• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com

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Ever been told you’re “not fun” or “too serious”? Andrew and Cat unpack what fun actually means — and why chasing other people’s version of it leaves you drained. This episode helps you redefine fun on your own terms, whether that means karaoke nights or coloring budget charts.

• Fun got complicated. It used to be sticks and puddles; now it’s overpriced trips and curated weekends.
• There’s a bias toward extroverts. The world rewards loud, social fun — but quiet joy counts too.
• Authenticity = happiness. True fun begins when you do what genuinely lights you up, not what’s “supposed to.”
• Stop “should-ing” your joy. You don’t owe anyone attendance at events that drain you.

1️⃣ Define your fun. What genuinely delights you — not what looks fun to others?

2️⃣ Drop guilt. Rest and relaxation are productive; joy refuels creativity.

3️⃣ Practice authenticity. Say “no” to misaligned plans; say “yes” to what feels right.

4️⃣ Four ingredients of fun:

• Freedom – Do things with no outcome attached.
• Presence – Be here, not in your head.
• Connection – Lose track of time with people or passions that sync with you.
• Expression – Let the real you show up (no armor, no performance).
• 5️⃣ Replace FOMO with ROMO (Relief of Missing Out). Enjoy skipping the plans you never wanted anyway.
• 6️⃣ Audit your joy. When was the last time you lost track of time? Start there.

• “Suffering through someone else’s fun is still suffering.”
• “Fun doesn’t have to be expensive, impressive, or loud.”
• “When you say no to what drains you, you say yes to what fills you.”
• “Joy lives in small pockets — coffee chats, thrift hunts, puppy cuddles.”

• Try a joy audit: list five activities that make you feel alive.
• Add micro-fun moments — a walk, a playlist, a puzzle, or your favorite meal.
• Revisit childhood joy: What did little-you love? Can you bring that back now?
• Find your people: When you’re authentically yourself, the right friends appear.

• Cat: Fully funded her emergency fund after years of work — and found joy in tracking the goal.
• Andrew: Traveling to England with his daughter and seeing her reaction to Big Ben for the first time — pure magic.

• Website: fiveyearyou.com
• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com

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Feeling stuck, numb, or like the light went out? Andrew and Cat talk about rebuilding hope—without toxic positivity. You’ll learn why hope is a brain-and-body shift (not a mood), what quietly erodes it, and small, doable steps to feel a spark again.

• Hope ≠ denial. It accepts reality and imagines a different future.
• Your brain likes anticipation. Even the thought that “this can get better” gives a healthy dopamine lift.
• Grief comes first. Feel it to free it. Then take one gentle step forward.
• Stories shape state. Borrow hope from people who’ve pushed through setbacks.

1. One good thing prompt: On waking, ask: “Why is today going to be great?” Name one simple thing (first coffee, a walk, clean sheets).
2. Anchor to the present: 3 slow breaths + notice 3 things you can see/hear/feel.
3. Borrow hope: Read or listen to a perseverance story (dating later in life, 52nd lender said yes, etc.).
4. Move a little: Sunlight on your face, a 10-minute walk, stretch by a window.
5. Purpose pebble: Do one small helpful act—smile at a neighbor, text a check-in, hold the door.
6. Future-you assist: Ask, “What tiny thing would future me thank me for tonight?” Then do just that.

• “Maybe there’s more for me.”
• “I’ve done hard things before; I can do hard things again.”
• “I only need a spark, not the full lighthouse.”

• Chronic stress, disappointment, self-blame → Practice self-compassion; feel feelings, don’t camp there.
• Doom-scrolling, heavy inputs → Curate feeds toward light, learning, and real connection.
• No direction → Choose a tiny purpose for today (make one person smile).

• Cat: The pure joy of petting the wiggliest puppy—five minutes of instant hope.
• Andrew: Morning sun + saying “good morning” on a short walk—connection lifts everyone.

You’re not alone, and help is available 24/7. If you think you might act on thoughts of self-harm, seek immediate help:

• United States & Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).
• United States (text): Text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
• Canada (call): 1-833-456-4566; text 45645 (Talk Suicide Canada, evenings).
• United Kingdom & ROI: 116 123 (Samaritans).
• Australia: 13 11 14 (Lifeline).
• Emergency: Call your local emergency number (911 / 999 / 112) if you’re in immediate danger.

If you’re outside these regions, contact your local health services or search for your country’s suicide prevention hotline.

• Say hi / coaching inquiries: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

We’re glad you’re here. Keep going—one small step, one spark at a time.

If you’ve ever rewritten a simple text 3x, “rescued” the dishwasher, or tried to schedule spontaneity… hi, friend. Andrew and Cat unpack why control feels so necessary (spoiler: anxiety + safety), the hidden costs on your body and relationships, and simple ways to loosen your grip without letting life fall apart.

• Control ≠ safety. It’s often an anxious mind trying to predict pain.
• It’s an illusion anyway. Habits create predictability, but outcomes are never guaranteed.
• There’s a relationship cost. Trying to steer other adults (or teens) breeds resentment; “let them” is often the loving move.
• Trade control for structure. Plan your response, not everyone else’s behavior.

1. Awareness > autopilot
2. Notice where you micromanage and name the need under it: “I want to feel safe / prepared / not blindsided.”
3. Micro-win: say it out loud or jot one line in your Notes app.
4. Own what’s yours
5. You don’t control kids, partners, coworkers, traffic, weather, or ride closures. You do control: your breath, tone, posture, words, boundaries, and next action.
6. Replace control with structure
7. Swap rigid scripts for implementation intentions:

• “If the plan changes, I’ll take 4 slow breaths, then choose the most loving next step.”
• “If a child melts down, we pause 10 minutes—shade, water, snack—then reassess.”
• Structure calms you without corralling everyone else.

1. Micro-uncertainty reps (build the tolerance muscle)

• Take a different route home.
• Try a new appetizer while keeping your go-to entrée.
• Sit in a different seat at the table/meeting.
• Leave a 30-minute block unscheduled—and let it stay unscheduled.
• Celebrate the reps, not the results.

1. Regulate before you react
2. Control spikes when your nervous system is hot. Downshift first, then decide. Quick options: box breathing, sensory grounding, a 60-second shake-out, cool water on your face, brief step outside.
3. → Want guided, under-a-minute resets? Try our Quick Calm Method: seven micro-tools we use daily. fiveyearyou.com/calm

• “I’m noticing I want to control this because I care. I’m going to choose calm first.”
• “Here’s the plan, and it’s OK if we pivot.”
• “I can’t choose for you; I can choose how I respond.”

• Fewer replays in your head after plans shift.
• More laughter when things go “off script.”
• Kids/partners volunteer more because they feel less managed.

• Cat: Flying to Canada to see Andrew today—so excited for an in-person hug!
• Andrew: Finished The DOSE Effect by TJ Power—practical ways to retrain brain chemistry and feel better. Loved it.

• Quick Calm Method (video course, < 60 minutes): fiveyearyou.com/calm
• Say hi / coaching inquiries: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

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“Calm down” never calms anyone down. Andrew and Cat share practical, under-a-minute techniques from their Quick Calm Method—tools you can use at work, in traffic, or mid–dinner chaos to regulate your nervous system fast (without a 60-minute meditation).

• Co-regulation beats commands. “Breathe with me” works; “calm down” doesn’t.
• Not all “wellness” fits all bodies. For ~30% of people, traditional meditation or cold plunges can spike anxiety; choose nervous-system-friendly options that work for you.
• You can flip a day in 60 seconds. Micro-resets interrupt spirals and change the tone for you (and everyone around you).

1. Breath Reset (Box Breathing, etc.)
2. Short, shallow breaths tell your brain there’s danger. Slow, counted exhales flip you back into rest-and-digest. Great solo—or co-regulate by breathing together.
3. Cat used this walking from the car to the apartment—under a minute—to avoid snapping and stay “safe space” for her son.
4. Grounding Reset
5. Get out of your head and into your senses (sight, sound, touch). Anchors you to reality when the mind starts catastrophizing.
6. Body Reset
7. Stress lives in your muscles. Quick, discrete movements (yes, even a tiny office-friendly “shake out”) discharge that pent-up energy so it doesn’t leak out as irritability. Cue the giggles.
8. Mini-Meditation Reset
9. A guided 60–120s visualization to power-wash mental noise. Works for many; if meditation ramps you up, skip it and use breath/grounding instead.
10. Laughter Reset
11. Fake a laugh to spark a real one, recall a reliably funny clip, or replay a personal “can’t-not-laugh” memory. Physiology shifts, chemistry follows.

• Rising irritability / about to walk into a meeting: Breath Reset → Grounding (2–3 min total)
• Anger with lots of body tension: Body Reset, then Breath (2–4 min)
• Spiral/rumination loop: Grounding → Mini-Meditation (2–3 min)
• Household mood reset: Laughter Reset + 30-second family dance (1–2 min)

• “I want to hear you. Can we take 4 slow breaths together first?”
• “I’m doing a quick reset so I can respond, not react.”
• “Let’s turn the day around.” (spin, shake, smile—pattern interrupt!)

• Andrew: Loving the Pulsetto vagus-nerve stim—paired with our resets, I’m noticeably calmer day-to-day.
• Cat: First real fall day in Chicago—cool walks, crunchy leaves, instant nervous-system sigh. 🍂

• Quick Calm Method (video course, < 60 minutes total): fiveyearyou.com/calm
• Email us what worked for you: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).

Joy isn’t only for big vacations and milestone days. Andrew and Cat share how to spot, savor, and create tiny moments of joy inside regular Tuesdays—using reframes, mini rituals, and presence.

• Reframe “have to” → “get to.” (“I get to make my teenager breakfast.” “I get to have coffee.”)
• Joy is a muscle. Start from where you are and build reps with small, repeatable practices.
• Presence is the new luxury. Attention given to a person or moment = the rarest gift.
• Gratitude by subtraction. Imagine losing a simple ability (driving, using an arm) to feel instant thanks.
• Choose richer dopamine. Swap “cheap hits” (doomscrolling, impulse buys) for slow joys (plants, cooking, conversation).
• Design tiny rituals. Little, reliable delights (the “third cup” flavored coffee, sun crystals, herbs growing) anchor your day.

1. Awareness: Notice you want more joy—great. That’s step one.
2. Rename the moments: Commute → “podcast walk;” dishes → “gratitude reset;” bedtime → “cozy ritual.”
3. One-sense check-in: Pause to smell coffee, feel a soft blanket, or notice morning light.
4. Threshold ritual: Each time you pass a doorway, smile or take one slow breath and whisper “joy.”
5. Daily delight photo: Snap one picture of something that delighted you today.
6. 1–1–1 gratitude: Say aloud one person, one object, and one moment you’re grateful for.
7. Zero-dollar joy hunt: Celebrate what you already own (favorite mug, a comfy couch, that perfect blow dryer).
8. Grow something: Herbs in a counter garden or a hardy plant (self-watering pots help!).
9. Protect presence: Put the phone away with people you love; use social media as a tool, not a reflex.
10. Teach it forward: Model joy-finding for kids (and delay the dopamine machine as long as you can).

• Savor a “special” cup (save a flavored coffee for your last cup).
• Hang sun crystals to splash rainbows across the room.
• Try a micro-reset: inhale + exhale whenever you enter a new room.
• Keep plants you’ll actually keep alive (hello, self-watering pots).
• Practice gratitude by subtraction: what ordinary thing would you miss if it were gone?

• The DOSE Effect — TJ Power (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins and how to get them the healthy way)

• Andrew: “The glimmer is… the glimmers.” Making tiny joys a habit changed how I feel daily.
• Cat: Self-watering planters—travel-friendly and my plants are thriving. 🌿

• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• Site & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).

Overthinking feels productive—but it’s really a mental treadmill. Andrew and Cat share simple, science-backed ways to break rumination loops, calm anxiety, and take clear next steps.

• Overthinking ≠ problem-solving. It’s a certainty-seeking loop fueled by anxiety.
• Awareness is step one. “I’m trying to change what can’t be changed” stops past-focused spirals.
• Name it to tame it. Label the pattern (“I’m catastrophizing” / “Amy* is yapping again”) to reduce its grip.
• *Amy = your “amygdala alarm”—a playful mental cue.
• Interrupt the loop. Pattern-breakers (breath, movement, grounding) shift brain states.
• Get it out of your head. Journal, voice-notes, therapist, trusted friend—externalize the swirl.
• You already know more than you think. Get still; your body’s “yes/no” shows up fast.
• Action ends rumination. Any small next step beats spinning in maybe-land.

1. Spot it: “I’m looping.” (Awareness)
2. Label it: “This is catastrophizing / future-tripping / should-storming.” (Name to tame)
3. Pattern break (pick one):

• Box breathing 4–4–4–4 (1–2 min)
• 5–4–3–2–1 grounding (see/hear/feel)
• 10–15 minute walk (movement beats rumination)
• Hand on heart, slow breaths (drop from head → body)

1. Externalize: 60-second brain dump (paper or voice note). If it’s still noisy, share with a therapist or trusted person.
2. Choose one: Flip a coin or ask: “What would Future Me thank me for?” Notice your gut reaction → decide.
3. Micro-action: One concrete step within 5–10 minutes (email, calendar block, checklist start).
4. If it returns: Repeat. You’re building a new habit, not chasing perfection.

• Sleep cue: Silently repeat, “I’m not thinking” for ~60–90 seconds; return to breath when you drift.
• Yappy-dog reframe: “Thanks, Amy. Into the crate you go—I’ll revisit this at 4pm.” (Schedule the worry window.)
• Self-compassion: “I’m worrying because I care. I can choose peace by taking one small action.”

• “Worry window” (10–15 min/day) to contain rumination
• Movement first: short walk, light chores, or stretching whenever loops start
• Coin-toss clarity to surface true preference
• Heart-breath check-in before decisions

• No wrong choices. Every decision is a result or a lesson. Both move you forward.
• Indecision is a decision. You’re choosing anxiety over momentum—pick a tiny step instead.

• Cat: A three-day weekend to reset and prep for Andrew’s visit.
• Andrew: Packing to fly out—looking forward to time together.

• Nonviolent Communication — Marshall B. Rosenberg (for clear needs/requests)
• Grounding & breath practices (box breathing, 5-4-3-2-1)

Questions, coaching, or topic requests: hello@fiveyearyou.com

More episodes & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

IG: @fiveyearyou

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Arguments don’t need winners; they need resolution. Andrew and Cat share calm, practical ways to defuse conflict at home, with friends, and at work—so everyone feels seen, heard, and respected.

• Stay calm first. Regulated nervous systems make regulated conversations.
• Listen to understand, not to win. Most “arguments” are unmet needs in disguise.
• Name the real issue. Clarify what the conflict is actually about before debating solutions.
• Feelings + needs > accusations. Use “When you ___, I feel ___; I need ___; could you ___?”
• Define the desired outcome. Agree on “what good looks like” before you continue.
• Two truths can coexist. Your perspectives can both be valid.
• Take breaks at impasses. Timeouts prevent escalation; return when cooler.
• Bring a neutral third party when needed. Therapist, mediator, or trusted friend.

1. Pause & breathe. Lower the temperature (box breathing: 4–4–4–4).
2. State intent: “My goal is for us to understand each other and find a solution we both can live with.”
3. Clarify the issue: “What do you think this is really about?”
4. Reflective listening: “What I’m hearing is… Did I get that right?”
5. Share with NVC: “When X happened, I felt Y. What I need is Z. Would you be willing to ___?”
6. Outcome check: “By the end of this, I’d love for us to ___.”
7. Perspective-swap: Briefly argue the other person’s side to show you get it.
8. Agree on next step: One concrete action each.
9. If stuck: “Let’s pause for 20–60 minutes and revisit at ___. We’re on the same team.”

• Red-flag day: “Quick heads-up: I’m low-sleep/overloaded today. If I seem short, it’s not about you.”
• Boundary without blame: “I want to keep talking, and I need a 15-minute reset to stay respectful.”
• Repair after rupture: “I’m sorry for my tone earlier. Your point matters; can we try again?”

• Ask kids/teammates to share how they’re feeling + what they need (not who’s “right”).
• Normalize check-ins: “What outcome are you hoping for?”
• Celebrate process wins (no interrupting, calm tone, staying on topic), not just “winning.”

• Repeating stalemates on big life choices (money, parenting, moving, family size).
• Patterns of contempt, stonewalling, or scorekeeping.
• Bring in a counselor/mediator to create safety and structure.

• Nonviolent Communication — Marshall B. Rosenberg (feelings/needs framework)

• Andrew: Watching his son thrive at a first MMA practice—and the respectful community vibe.
• Cat: A surprise flower delivery (courtesy of Andrew and his mom) brightened a tough week.

Questions, coaching, or topic requests: hello@fiveyearyou.com

More episodes & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

IG: @fiveyearyou

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking...