Episodes

  • Did Your Partner Betray You? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 2

    Did Your Partner Betray You? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 2
    Jun 2 2023
    Men and women deal with emotions differently, but we all have them. And any man who believes that stuffing and denying their feelings are the path to a happy and successful life - all I can say is that is NOT my experience, nor is it the experience of anyone I've ever met. One of the most painful things a man can experience is the betrayal by his spouse. Today is part 2 of Recovering From Betrayal, focusing on a man betrayed by his wife. My returning guest, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms. Vanessa shares how she went from supporting women to serving more and more men. We explore the pain, secrecy, and shame men experience after discovering their spouse's cheating. Vanessa also explores why men and women have affairs and the most common question men have when they find out they've been betrayed. While women often want to tell the world when they've been cheated on, that is not the typical response for men. What is so crucial for a man who has been betrayed is to forgive himself. The core message is to be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after. Topics and Questions 2:12: How different is the experience of recovering from betrayal when you are the betrayed party?7:33 - Vanessa's first male client12:23 - The six most common reasons women cheat16:26 - What does a man feel from betrayal?19:34 - Differences between how a man feels and how he thinks society says he should feel.24:19 - Is this journey of self-forgiveness different if the wife wants the relationship to continue or not?27:47 - Are there any best practices for a man when he discovers his partner is cheating?34:44 - What is the best way for people to find out about everything you are up to?37:02 - The response to Vanessa's first appearance Links Vanessa Cardenas -- https://www.understandingear.com Talk to Vanessa -- https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men Recommended resources Man's Search for Meaning -- https://amzn.to/43BFxG0 RMF 149 - Men in Emotionally Abusive Relationships http://realmenfeel.org/2019/09/24/ep-149-men-in-emotionally-abusive-relationships/ RMF 226 - The Abuse of Men by Women http://realmenfeel.org/2021/02/16/the-abuse-of-men-by-women/ https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    43 mins
  • Can You Enjoy Time Alone? | Growth & Resistance

    Can You Enjoy Time Alone? | Growth & Resistance
    May 12 2023

    If you notice today's episode looking and sounding different, I'm on the road and don't have my usual setup.

    Are you comfortable being alone? Can you enjoy your own company?

    Often men will feel uncomfortable emotions if they are alone and in silence. I am an only child, so I'm used to being alone, but I'd always have music or a TV playing in the background. I wasn't a fan of absolute silence because I wasn't a fan of some of my thoughts.

    Over the years and with lots of work and growth, I'm incredibly comfortable on my own and with the silence of only my mind. Growing up, I thought doing something in public alone meant you were a friendless loser. I'd miss movies and concerts that I wanted to see but couldn't find someone who wanted to go.

    In recent years I've started going to movies alone and love it - no debate, no hesitation, no trying to convince someone. I've even gone to some concerts alone, too, and enjoyed myself and didn't feel judged. Earlier this year, I saw Anthrax in Boston on a Sunday night, and I knew even my friends who like Anthrax wouldn't go out on a Sunday night.

    I'm in Toronto, Canada, for two weeks of training with the Modern Mystery School. I'm being recertified as a Guide, Healer, and Life Activation practitioner, then taking seven days of new classes. I drove up here alone, a 12-hour ride since I drive a Tesla and need to stop to charge every 90 minutes or so on the highway. But I had a blast. I could sing at the top of longs to a full day's worth of songs that I love. I explored new towns and stores at each new stop, and the weather was fantastic.

    I drove here on Sunday, and today, Wednesday is the only day I don't have any classes. I planned to visit the Wonderland amusement park, which is just 10 miles away and has some great rides, including a world record-holding dive coaster -- that's when you pause at the top - - which, if you know me -- I love roller coasters. I had planned to do a show about enjoying yourself - and I don't mean masturbation - with lots of photos from today with me by myself on all sorts of cool rides.

    But, another thing common on the path of spiritual growth and healing is resistance. Technically known as your shit, meaning your shit will come up when you go beyond your comfort zone and grow.


    Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

    Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

    Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

    Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

    Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

    RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

    YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

    --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    8 mins
  • Did You Betray Your Partner? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 1

    Did You Betray Your Partner? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 1
    May 5 2023
    Since men are human, they can make mistakes. One aspect of life we make mistakes in is our relationships. Since so many studies show that a strong prediction of happiness and longevity is the quality of our relationships, betraying our partner is a significant issue. Google says that nearly half of individuals in monogamous relationships admit to having an affair. Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. My guest today, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms. Vanessa delivers a master class on men who've betrayed their spouses but want to stay together. She shares the three aspects of cheating, why women can't just "get over it," and seven reasons why men cheat. You'll also learn what got Vanessa working with betrayal. Be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after. Topics and Questions 1:34 - In your work, what constitutes betrayal?2:14 - The three aspects of cheating.5:47 - Are men and women equally likely to cheat?7:10 - Did you initially work exclusively with women?9:09 - Does it matter why a man cheats?9:37 - Vanessa's experience with being betrayed.13:37 - Seven most popular reasons why men cheat.19:56 - Does having any of these reasons mean you are destined for betrayal?20:26 - Does blame and responsibility fall on both partners?20:52 - The very first thing to do once you've come clean.24:39 - Is there anything men should NOT do?25:55 - Can a relationship be better post-betrayal?28:11 - What men can do to rebuild the relationship.31:33 - How a relationship can be better post-healing.34:18 - Men are taught not to feel.35:57 - What do you tell a man who can't understand why his wife can't just 'let it go?"37:34 - Returning for part two, When You've Been Betrayed.39:40 - Recommended resources and how to get in touch with Vanessa "If you don't make time for your relationship. You will be forced to make time for your loneliness" - Vanessa Cardenas Links Vanessa Cardenas -- https://www.understandingear.com Talk to Vanessa -- https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men Recommended books Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating -- https://amzn.to/3LAs6yP The Gift of Fear -- https://amzn.to/4191V86 Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partners' Betrayal: What to Do When Your World Falls Apart -- https://amzn.to/42lwlEU Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner's Betrayal: How to Talk to Your Kids, Parents, In-Laws, Friends, and Others -- https://amzn.to/3HGcOaD Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    45 mins
  • Cultural Appropriation in the Mankind Project | Real or Imagined?

    Cultural Appropriation in the Mankind Project | Real or Imagined?
    Apr 28 2023
    Last Sunday, a man reached out to the Real Men Feel page on Facebook and said - I would like to appear on your show and debate "cultural appropriation in MKP." That man, B Crittenden Freeman, is my guest today. Crittenden has been a member of the ManKind Project for 30 years holding multiple positions, Center Director, Elder, Leader In Training, and Recording Secretary for the MKP USA Board. He was responsible for the occurrence of the 1st NWTA Urban Adventure.  Initially, I thought this subject had been played out. I've done two shows about it, but they were me alone, and I did ask for people to step forward and discuss this with me. So, here we are. I don't think we are on opposite sides of any issue for a brawling debate, but let's find out. To follow our conversation, you'll need to know a few acronyms; MKP is the ManKind Project, NWTA is their New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, and LKS is the Lodge Keepers Society, the group within MKP responsible for building and running sweat lodges. Topics and Questions 1:22 - Could you lay the groundwork; what is the controversy around cultural appropriation and MKP?4:55 - Andy's experience of the NWTA in 20165:38 - Have indigenous people claimed MKP has been ripping them off from the beginning or only recently?6:25 - What happened last year to make this a big issue and result in changes?7:55 - Andy was ready to staff an NWTA last fall, but MKP halted everything.9:51 - The millions being made.13:14 - How MKP learned to put on sweat lodges.16:56 - The shadow elements of the situation.21:20 - Cultural appropriation in the melting pot of the United States.23:57 - Are you good with the outcome but oppose the communication around it?26:01 - With the changes made, are you in or out with MKP?30:24 - What's your ideal scenario for resolution?31:45 - Andy's experience with the updated MKP weekend.33:45 - What drove your 30 years of participation with MKP?36:42 - Tell me about the first Urban NWTA.41:43 - Anything else you want to share?42:57 - How can people connect with you?43:37 - Is there a way to get off the limited activities list? "How does a dominant culture say to a non-dominant culture, you are coming from a wounded place?" - B Crittenden Freeman Links Critt on Facebook -- https://www.facebook.com/b.crittenden.freeman MKP USA -- https://mkpusa.org/ Spirit -- https://www.spiritprotection.org/ Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel #RealMenFeel ep 300 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    47 mins
  • Tapping Into The Strength of Men | The Power of Choice

    Tapping Into The Strength of Men | The Power of Choice
    Apr 21 2023
    I love to give any man who is being of service a platform to share his message. I met today's guest, Dustin Bakker, in an online program and was immediately impressed by his willingness to be authentic and vulnerable and his desire to help other men. After losing his sense of happiness, Dustin began changing his life and slowly became aware of what his mind, body, and soul were trying to tell him. Dustin did the research, study, and inner work required to discover his happiness. He's gone on to create F.O.ReaLiving and The Strength of Men. We discuss the power of choice, expressing emotions, and the goal of a stronger connection to our authentic selves. Dustin shares how drugs were one of his masks, keeping him from his strengths and true self. Dustin is a strong example of self-sufficiency while also yearning for connection. It does not have to be one or the other. Community is another strength that society seems to have let go of.  We all benefit from helping others. Topics and Questions 1:04 - Tell me about what growing up was like for you.1:53 - Was your general outlook positive, negative, or neutral?2:44 - Did you follow your mom's path of being a partier?4:25 - Was being alone so much growing up a happy time for you?5:21 - When did you realize your life wasn't working to the extent you wanted it to?8:03 - Can you expand on the "movie scene" you came home to?9:12 - Have you always had that intuitive sense?10:19 - Is a group of scaffolders in British Colombia usually talking about happiness and fulfillment?11:19 - What do you do in your men's gathering?12:02 - What are some of the tools you've learned?14:09 - What do you see as the strength of men?15:54 - What made you appreciate your emotions?19:37 - Could you feel connected to your authentic self when drunk or high?20:56 -How did you learn what it means to be a man?22:48 - What is FOReal Living?24:59 - Can you share a practice, program, or book that has helped you?25:48 - What is one thing you wish more men knew?27:24 - What are you most proud of?29:15 - What would you like to see The Strength of Men become?34:51 - How can people learn more about what you are up to? "Choice is the superpower that we all have." - Dustin Bakker Links Instagram -- instagram.com/thestrenghtofmen/ Facebook -- facebook.com/thestrengthofmen Dustin Bakker -- TheStrengthOfMen.com F.O.Realiving -- forealiving.com Healing & Mystical States Are Just A Breath Away on Amazon, https://amzn.to/41OdGS5 Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    37 mins
  • Connecting Through Trauma | Life-Changing Stories

    Connecting Through Trauma | Life-Changing Stories
    Apr 14 2023
    When life gets hard, a lot of men withdraw. They talk less. In the face of a health challenge for yourself or a loved one, you might be much more willing to discuss logistics and tasks than the emotional impact. My guest today is not most men. He believes in having hard conversations with people going through trauma.  David Richman is an author, public speaker, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. With his most recent book, Cycle of Lives, David shares stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer. He interviewed fifteen people who were profoundly affected by cancer - either as a caregiver, patient, or loved one - and explored the dynamic of why it's so hard to discuss the emotional aspects of the journey. These evocative stories give the reader a few tools to take away and use in their own lives when encountering the difficulties of talking to others about the emotional aspects of trauma. We discuss getting past assumptions, beginning the hard conversations, and being open to the negative and positive aspects of traumatic experiences. To connect with the people we care about, we must be willing to be uncomfortable. There is more behind anyone's story than we know. Don't worry about what's "proper." Let someone know you care authentically. Topics and Questions 1:13: - What prompted you to want to write a book dealing with cancer?1:13: - What prompted you to want to write a book dealing with cancer?4:44 - Did each participant have a positive side to their experience?7:12 - How did you decide on these 15 stories? 9:46 - Did you come across any common themes amongst the participants?13:52 - Did you see that prior trauma led to more or less resilience regarding cancer?18:27 - Fear of abandonment during trauma.19:49 - The lie of not wanting to upset someone further.21:09 - Is it scarier that people might not care or that they would care?22:48 - Did everyone want the same sort of support?25:44 - How did you get people to open up to you on such a personal and profound level?27:21 - Is the advice the same for friends and family who are not trying to write books?28:44 - What do you hope the reader takes away from reading your book?29:47 - How do you think the participants' lives were affected by your deep interactions with them?35:24 - What's the best way for people to learn more about what you are up to?35:32 - Anything you are looking forward to?36:16 - Did this prompt participants to write or share more of their stories? "People are so fearful of saying the wrong thing, while the person going thru the trauma is wondering why nobody will talk to them." - David Richman Links Instagram -- instagram.com/davidrichman_cycleoflives/ David Ricman -- CycleofLives.org See Cycle of Lives on Amazon, https://amzn.to/3GK6zlF Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel #RealMenFeel --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    38 mins
  • Returning to the New Warrior Training Adventure | ManKind Project's NWTA

    Returning to the New Warrior Training Adventure | ManKind Project's NWTA
    Apr 8 2023
    Last weekend I was in Connecticut to staff the New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, a weekend-long rite of passage for men from the ManKind Project. This was the first NWTA in New England in three years, thanks to Covid. I was supposed to staff the weekend last October, but all the NWTAs across the US were halted due to charges of cultural appropriation. The charges of cultural appropriation were from a group of Native American elders called Spirit. I'm not going to rehash everything here. Visit the blog post for this episode at RealMenFeel.org, and I'll have links to every article and video I mention. When I discovered that all NWTAs were canceled, I was shocked, disappointed, and hurt. My NWTA was back in October 2016. There was a lot of Native American ritual and ceremony, and it was presented respectfully, honoring where they came from and giving full acknowledgment. It was stressed how much training ManKindProject (MKP) men had with the Lakota people to learn what we would be doing. There were months of negotiation between the ManKind Project and indigenous leaders. I didn't know when or if NWTAs would return, and I feared a watered-down weekend with no impact. I don't agree with all the things MKP let go of doing, but I also wasn't part of the process and have not had any interaction with the Native Americans who were upset. I do appreciate MKP's attempt to have integrity around the intended and unintended consequences of their training. When the NWTAs were rescheduled, I didn't sign up to staff. I had no idea what the changes were and if I was on board with making any, but as I had previously stepped forward, I was asked to join this staff. I decided to do so because I wanted to experience this updated version of the weekend and see if it was still as powerful and was something I could recommend. I intentionally did not promote or invite anyone to last weekend's training.  Real Men Feel's history with the Mankind Project goes back a long way. The ManKind Project, with Boysen Hodgson, Episode 26, September 6, 2016 New Warrior Training Adventure Weekend Report, Episode 32, October 24, 2016 I've also had many guests who've done the NWTA and are part of MKP. Sometimes that was part of the show, and sometimes it was something I learned afterward. Back to last weekend, I staffed my first NWTA since 2017, and I did so because I wanted to fall in love with the weekend again. I wanted to find that despite any changes, regardless of my opinion about them, this is still a powerful, potent weekend that I can recommend to men. It is.  I was flying high for days knowing there were 25 new men in the world. Men with vision, meaning, and mission. Men who have grown, healed, and reclaimed their Gold. I wanted to staff this New Warrior Training Adventure weekend to see if it was still something I could heartily recommend to men. YES Do it. Don't look for details about what happens. All of my videos are safe because I share my experiences without sharing details of what is done. You will go on a hero's journey - let that be enough of a description. If you've done the weekend, I highly recommend staffing it. You'll get wins and insights at another level. Make new friends and perhaps reconnect with old ones. Visit NewWarriorTrainingAdventure.com, and you'll get a list of upcoming weekend events around the globe. Pick one, and register. Links ManKindProject -- mankindproject.org NWTAs -- newwarriortrainingadventure.com Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    10 mins
  • Rebuilding Yourself | Being The Best Man You Can Be

    Rebuilding Yourself | Being The Best Man You Can Be
    Mar 31 2023

    We are early in Spring, a time of renewal, growth, and, ideally, flourishing. I know that in my life, I've often had to renew, prune my life, weed out the shit in my mind, and reinvent myself to be the best man I can be.

    My guest, Teddy Woolsey, took action when his life needed an overhaul and created a system that helped him, and now he uses that in service to others. He was 100K in debt, out of shape, depressed, and in a failing relationship to being debt-free, earning 3x as much, meeting his future wife, and living in Manhattan all in under a year and 1/2.

    Teddy is RBLD Fitness's founder and works full-time as a Tech Sales Executive. He coaches his clients on sustainably losing fat, building muscle, and finding the balance between hard work and joy in their lives. 

    We discuss the danger of relying on another person for your happiness and the importance of filling your self-help bucket and putting yourself first. Society often sees men as only having value based on what they earn, create, build, and protect. Such expectations left Teddy feeling anxious, frustrated, and unworthy.

    You have value because you exist, not because of what you do. Listen in and let Teddy's explosive joy seep into you.


    Topics and Questions

    • 1:20 - How was joy in your life?
    • 3:09 - What made you realize your life needed to change?
    • 7:07 - What was in your self-help bucket?
    • 7:54 - Did you realize your happiness depended on someone else before the relationship ended?
    • 11:25 - Did you know you were making a system at the time?
    • 15:09 - Tell me about the RBLD Fitness Philosophy
    • 19:40 - Step One: Tips for Reflecting
    • 23:40 - What does being a good man mean to you?
    • 28:34 - What brings you joy?
    • 30:57 - What mistake got you the lesson you appreciate most?
    • 32:35 - What do you wish more men knew?
    • 33:51 - What's the best way for people to learn more about you?


    "Change your schedule and change your influences immediately! That will spark a revolution within yourself." - Teddy Woolsey


    Links

    Instagram -- @tedwoolsey

    RBLD Fitness -- www.rbldfitness.com

    Recommended book, The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod


    Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

    Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

    Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

    Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

    Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

    RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

    YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

    --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support
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    36 mins