Heather Cronemiller and Lacy Bentley join Dr. Rob to talk about female sex addiction and the damage it can cause families. Both Lacy and Heather share their personal experience with being the ‘other woman’ and how, despite it going against everything they believed in, they still continued down a path of destruction. When it comes to any form of addiction, what we're really fighting against is deeply broken attachment wounds. Find out more on today’s episode.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:40] A little bit about Lacy and how she got introduced with Dr. Rob.

[3:20] A little bit about Heather and how she met Dr. Rob.

[5:30] Despite being married, Heather felt like she wasn’t with her soul mate. Everything she thought love was, was wrong.

[6:15] What does mature love feel like?

[8:55] Heather realized through her own recovery, her husband is a wonderful man and replacing him with the ‘flavor of the month’ won’t fix the problem.

[13:35] What is polygamy and does it actually exist? Is it just a mask for sex addiction?

[21:00] Why is sex ‘never enough’ when working with sex addicts?

[23:35] What does it look like to work with someone like Lacy as a female sex addict?

[25:00] Heather shares her personal experience working with Lacy and how it helped her move forward and on a healthier path of recovery.

[26:15] Heather talks about her recovery journey and what that looks like for her.

[30:15] Lucy and Heather talk about their upcoming book, Going Deeper for Women!

[38:15] How does addiction bleed into other aspects of our lives?

[41:10] Heather shares why their book is going to help any woman going through addiction.

[47:10] There are nasty names we call women that we don’t call men, despite them both doing the same actions.

[50:50] Dr. Rob has met very few men who understand the experience of a woman and what she has to deal with when she goes out into the world.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Herrecoveryroadmap.com

Oakhaven-counseling.com

Going Deeper for Women

QUOTES:

• “Mature love is a choice and that can be complicated to say because it doesn’t feel like a choice.”

• “How many partners do you need for it to be ‘enough’? In sex addiction, it’s never enough.”

• “We are dealing with attachment wounds. We are dealing with childhood trauma. We’re not dealing with a woman who has a fully functional relational brain..”

Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was actually going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. This episode is part two of these two women sharing their very personal story of how they found out about their husbands’ addictions and how they got through it.

TAKEAWAYS:

[3:15] Hindsight is 20/20. These are real and raw emotions and unfortunately, it’s difficult to hide or protect your children from what’s happening within your household.

[4:20] Melissa shares the reactions her friends and family had after they realized what was going on in her marriage.

[4:45] Annie found out that she had friends who loved her, but this topic was very difficult for them to handle.

[6:45] Did Annie’s husband’s porn use affect their intimate life?

[12:55] When Melissa joined a support group, it was the first time she felt validated and like she wasn’t going through this journey alone.

[23:45] Guess what, an addict can lie to their therapist! And some therapists eat it all up.

[30:50] Melissa knew for many years something was wrong but she just didn’t know what. Those years were painful; to constantly doubt herself.

[33:40] The work betrayed spouses have to go through to heal is very different from what an addict has to go through to make amends.

[39:15] How did Melissa and Annie meet? They’re so grateful for each other and their support!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Jasonvr.com

Jason on LinkedIn

Get Past Your Past

QUOTES:

• “You trust your spouse and it’s something that you never expected to happen. I never expected to find what I found.”

• “I knew my friends were trustworthy, but I couldn’t go to my friends and be like, ‘guess what I discovered now’. At least, I couldn’t.”

• “I will never be grateful this happened to me, but I am grateful that because it happened to me, I have made life-long friends.”

Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. These two women share their stories and also share why they decided to stay with their husbands and support them in their addiction.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:15] Today we hear from two women who have gone through painful marital betrayal.

[2:45] Why did these two women agree to come on and share their painful story today?

[3:50] When Melissa first found out about the betrayal, she didn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. Today, she does.

[6:25] Melissa really felt like everything in her relationship was good…until it wasn’t.

[13:00] What made Melissa throw her husband out of the house?

[14:50] What is betrayal trauma and why do so many partners experience it after finding out about their spouses affairs?

[20:00] Why did Annie stay in her relationship?

[20:55] When discovery happened, Annie had been married nearly 29 years.

[27:25] Dr. Rob defines what ‘porn’ means these days. It’s not just looking at a naked image anymore!

[28:50] Guys look at porn, what’s the big deal?

[31:15] Melissa’s husband would minimize her concerns when he was ‘out late’. She knew something was wrong, but couldn’t quite put her finger on why or what.

[32:45] Melissa’s husband is now upset at himself that he missed so much of his children’s lives because of his addiction.

[36:40] Annie shares that when people found out about her husband’s addiction, all the attention went to him. That’s when she felt so alone.

[38:30] Annie felt a second betrayal from her husband’s CSAT. She was dismissed in her feelings and she had no support!

[40:40] Melissa knew in her gut that something was wrong, so she snooped through his phone. When she found out all the lies and betrayal, she screamed so loud at him that it woke her children up.

[41:15] Melissa found out that their couple’s therapist knew about some of his betrayals and kept this information from her. Dr. Rob said this behavior was a violation of trust for a couple’s therapist. If you’re a therapist, don’t do this!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Jasonvr.com

Jason on LinkedIn

Get Past Your Past

QUOTES:

• “Anything that’s kept secret from the relationship is a betrayal. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a person or not. It’s all kept secrets and it’s all painful.”

• “Decades ago, when women left their husbands, they were scorned. Now, when we stay, they don’t understand.”

• “Just because he screws up doesn’t mean I’m going to throw my lift under a bus.”