Do you feel like you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you? What scientists call "emotion regulation" turns out to be one of the most important life skills we can possess. It's essential in dealing with setbacks, in balancing risks and rewards, and in maintaining successful relationships. This week, psychologist Ethan Kross explores the growing and fascinating science of managing our emotions. He explains why our feelings so often go astray, and shares insights into how to reel them back in.

In this episode, you'll learn:

*How to coach yourself through emotionally intense moments.

*Why certain types of personal writing can help with your thorniest problems or challenges.

*How to use music and your physical senses to regulate your mood.

*How to use the technique of "selective avoidance" to shortcut emotional spirals and "what if" thinking.

Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as we explore lessons we've learned in Hidden Brain's first decade. For more info and to purchase tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/.

There's no magic potion that can make someone adore you. But there are things you can do to promote a deep and enduring connection — and even feelings of passion — between yourself and your partner. In the final chapter of our Relationships 2.0 series, psychologist Arthur Aron shares some techniques for falling and staying in love.

In today's conversation, we explore:

*The assumption that love fades over time.

*The effects of daily routine on romantic relationships.

*What our choice in a romantic partners says about us

*How successful long-term couples keep love alive

If you love Hidden Brain, please join us for our upcoming live tour! Shankar will be visiting cities across the U.S., and our listeners have the first crack at purchasing tickets. You can get yours at https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. Use the pre-sale code BRAIN. We hope to see you there!

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts ​is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray.

In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:

*The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind."

*How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds.

*Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.

*How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.

Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings.

As you go about your day, you likely interact with family, friends and coworkers. These relationships can help you feel cared for and connected. But what if there’s a whole category of people in your life whose impact is overlooked? Today, in a favorite episode from our archives, psychologist Gillian Sandstrom reveals some simple ways to make your life a little more joyful and maybe even a little less lonely. Then, we talk with researcher Erica Bailey, who responds to listeners' questions about authenticity and how to reveal our true selves to the people around us.

In this episode you'll learn:

• The sociological concept of "weak" and "strong" ties, and the important roles they play in our lives.
• How "weak ties" contribute to our happiness.
• How to talk to strangers — including how to start, maintain, and end a conversation.
• How to decrease feelings of loneliness and increase feelings of connectivity in your daily life.

If you enjoyed today's conversation with Gillian Sandstrom, be sure to check out these other Hidden Brain episodes:

You 2.0: The Gift of Other People

How Others See You

When we head into a negotiation — whether we're asking for a raise or trying to get our spouse to do the dishes — our focus is usually on getting the other person to agree to our preferred outcome. What we don't focus on are our own biases and blind spots. Behavioral scientist Max Bazerman studies the theory and practice of negotiation, and he says that paying attention to these biases can help us to craft better deals.

Do you have a follow-up question after listening to this episode? If you'd be comfortable sharing your question with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Use the subject line “negotiation.” Thanks!

All of us want to "seen" by the people around us. We want to be recognized as unique individuals. Yet the experience of being seen in this way can be dispiritingly rare. This week, we kick off our "Relationships 2.0" series by talking with researcher Allison Pugh about the psychological benefits of what she calls "connective labor." She explains why this labor is often overlooked, and how to cultivate the superpower of making other people feel seen.

In this episode, you'll learn:

*The definition of connective labor, and why this skill is like "engine grease" for our personal and professional relationships.

*Why connective labor is vital to success in a surprisingly broad array of careers.

*The gender stereotypes around connective labor, and why these stereotypes overlook the role that men play as connectors.

*How connective labor affects our mental and physical health.

*How connective labor by teachers may affect students' ability to learn.

*How to slow down in interactions with other people and explore the emotional context behind their words.

If you have a follow-up question for Allison Pugh after listening to this episode, and you’d be willing to share it with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Once you’ve done so, email it to us at ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Use the subject line “connection.” And thanks for listening!

Often in life, we find ourselves wrestling with a decision. But in running these mental calculations, there's something we rarely consider about the future: we might not be the same person when we get there. This week, philosopher L.A. Paul explores how life-altering events reshape who we are.

Want more of our work on understanding your future self? Give these Hidden Brain episodes a listen:

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-how-to-see-yourself-clearly/

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-decide-already/

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-your-future-is-now/

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/the-ventilator/

And for the latest insights about human behavior, delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for the weekly Hidden Brain newsletter! Each issue brings you the latest research, along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy. You can read and subscribe here: https://news.hiddenbrain.org/

Have you ever been falsely accused of something? Many of us think there’s only one way we’d act in such a situation: we’d defend ourselves. We’d do whatever it takes to clear our name — and above all else, we’d never, ever confess to something we didn’t do. But psychologist Saul Kassin says that’s a myth. This week, we bring you a favorite 2022 episode about why we sometimes act against our own self-interest — even when the stakes are at their highest.

In this week's episode, you'll learn about:

• Why we often freeze and fail to defend ourselves when someone accuses us of something
• The various types of false confessions
• What happens in our minds when we're pressured to confess to something that we didn't actually do
• How police interrogation tactics are being used in workplaces and other organizations
• Potential solutions to the problem of false confessions

For more on the psychological dimensions of criminal justice, check out our episode on the infamous Stanford prison experiment.

And if you'd like to check out the research of Saul Kassin and others on this topic, visit our web page for this episode.

Episode image by Tama66, Pixabay.