In this insightful episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer welcomes Tahara DeBarrows, a licensed marriage and family therapist, to discuss alexithymia—a personality trait often described as "emotional blindness." Tahara DeBarrows explains what alexithymia is, how it impacts relationships and personal well-being, and offers practical advice on how individuals can develop emotional awareness. The conversation also touches on trauma, neurodivergence, and the importance of seeking help without stigma. Listeners will leave with a deeper understanding of emotional processing and actionable strategies to support themselves or loved ones.

Topics Covered:

• What alexithymia is and how it manifests
• Emotional awareness and emotional vocabulary
• Neurodivergence: autism, ADHD, and its relationship to alexithymia
• Impact of emotional blindness in relationships and parenting
• The role of trauma in developing alexithymia
• Gender and cultural aspects of emotional expression
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and emotional wheels
• Somatic therapies and mindfulness
• Trauma-informed approaches in therapy
• Practical steps for supporting someone with emotional blindness

Key Takeaways:

• Alexithymia is not a mental health disorder but a personality trait, often described as emotional blindness.
• Emotional blindness can develop as a survival strategy, particularly in traumatic or emotionally disconnected environments.
• Both neurodivergent individuals and those with trauma histories may be more likely to experience alexithymia.
• Emotional vocabulary can be strengthened; skills like identifying and naming emotions can be learned and mastered.
• CBT, emotional wheels, and somatic therapies are effective tools for building emotional awareness.
• Seeking therapy is not a sign of being "crazy"—it's a step towards better self-understanding and well-being.
• Grace, patience, and modeling emotional language can support loved ones struggling with emotional blindness.
• Trauma-informed care prioritizes the client’s needs and equips them with coping skills for triggers.

The Six Best Quotes:

1. "It's not a mental health disorder. It's really just an emotional processing kind of issue." –
   Tahara DeBarrows
2. "Identifying emotions could be a skill. Meaning that it can be taught, it can be learned, it can be mastered." –
   Tahara DeBarrows
3. "We go to medical doctors for physical symptoms... What's the difference with seeing a therapist for mental health issues?" –
   Tahara DeBarrows
4. "The reality of it, usually we feel worse before we feel better when we start to uncover those feelings because we were so avoidant before. But there's hope." –
   Tahara DeBarrows
5. "If you're the one in the relationship who knows how to identify their emotions, you can kind of model what you want that to look like." –
   Tahara DeBarrows
6. "Trauma-informed means I'm just putting the client first... with a lot of grace and a lot of care for these individuals who've gone through a lot and have developed things like alexithymia." –
   Tahara DeBarrows

Connect with the Guest:

• Website: ajourneytohealingcounseling.com
• Email: info@ajourneytohealingcounseling.com
• Blog: Men with Alexithymia (find under Blogs section on the website)

Resources List:

• A Journey to Healing Counseling –Tahara DeBarrows's practice (Connecticut & Florida)
• Blog: Men with Alexithymia
• CBT Worksheets: Available under Services and Professional Development on ajourneytohealingcounseling.com
• Emotional Wheel: Search "emotional wheel" on Google for printable charts
• Somatic therapies & mindfulness practices (referenced as body scanning and progressive muscle relaxation)
• For specific therapy and information, contact info@ajourneytohealingcounseling.com

In this insightful episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer welcomes Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, CEO of Parents Anonymous for a dynamic conversation on the mental, emotional, and social challenges facing families today. The pair dive into the realities of parenting in the digital age, specifically the complexities that social media introduces to family dynamics. Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin breaks down the ethos and offerings of Parents Anonymous, and arms listeners with practical strategies to navigate children’s screen time while maintaining open, nurturing relationships. The episode wraps with guidance on where families can seek help and highlights the vital importance of connection, limits, and ongoing support.

Topics Covered:

• What is clinical hypnotherapy (versus popular misconceptions)
• The holistic, multi-generational support model of Parents Anonymous
• The impact and dangers of social media on children and teens
• Signs your child may be overusing or misusing social media
• Setting healthy boundaries around technology use
• The links between family routines, chores, and long-term well-being

Key Takeaways:

• Clinical hypnotherapy is about gently accessing and addressing deep emotional triggers—not stage tricks.
• Parents Anonymous provides judgement-free, evidence-based support for all caregivers, not just biological parents.
• Children do best with clear, consistent limits—even if they resist them in the moment.
• Parents' own modeling and digital boundaries are just as important as rules they set for kids.

Quotes:

1. “If you don’t deal with what we call our basic underlying feelings, you’re really only moving on one level.” –
   Lisa Pion-Berlin
2. “It is important to set limits around social media and modeling it yourself as a parent—many parents are addicted themselves.” –
   Lisa Pion-Berlin
3. “If you’re on your phone, you’re not interacting with each other, you’re not interacting with your peers, you’re not interacting with your children, you’re disconnected.” –
   Lisa Pion-Berlin
4. “Children have reported over and over again when they have limits, they feel safer and more confident.” –
   Lisa Pion-Berlin
5. “You need to create these breaks so you can foster. I think kids today don’t even know how to interact with their peers, right?” –
   Lisa Pion-Berlin
6. “No blame, no shame—any issue you have about yourself or any of the children or people in your life—the helpline is there.” –
   Lisa Pion-Berlin

Connect with the Guest:

• Parents Anonymous Website: natlparentyouthhelpline.org
• National Parent & Youth Helpline (Call/Text): 855-427-2736
• Meditations and resources: Available on the website in English and Spanish
  • No specific social media handles or personal email were provided in the episode.

Resources Mentioned:

• Parents Anonymous: natlparentyouthhelpline.org
• National Parent & Youth Helpline: 855-427-2736 (call or text, 24/7, 240 languages)
• Family support, evidence-based programs, and leadership training information via Parents Anonymous website
• Meditations and age-specific parenting resources (English, Spanish, 10+ languages): Parents Anonymous Resources
• No books, other podcasts, specific courses, or YouTube channels were mentioned in this episode.

In this episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer sits down with Nicholas Schmitt, Senior Director of Conflict Resolution and Training at Community Mediation Services in Queens, NY, to discuss practical strategies for handling difficult conversations. Whether it’s political discourse at family gatherings or heated debates among neighbors, Nicholas Schmitt shares expert tips for setting boundaries, remaining connected, and fostering brave, productive dialogue. The episode covers ways to navigate emotional triggers, establish healthy guidelines, and utilize mediation—even outside formal settings. Pamela Brewer and Nicholas Schmitt unpack what it means to approach conflicts with empathy and mindfulness, empowering listeners to engage more constructively year-round.

Topics Covered

• Setting boundaries before gatherings
• Managing triggering topics during family or social events
• Exiting conversations respectfully and maintaining connection

Key Takeaways

• Most political and emotional disagreements stem from underlying shared values, but different reasoning.
• Setting boundaries and having prepared phrases help prevent conversations from going awry.
• Hosts can bring structure to gatherings by creating spaces for challenging discussions and reminding participants of guidelines.
• It’s okay to exit a stressful conversation and prioritize your wellbeing without blaming others.

Top Quotes

1. “We operate from a space of intuitive values, and then we search for reasons from there for why we have those values.” — Nicholas Schmitt
2. “Come up with maybe some boundary phrases, so you're not hit by surprise and your brain goes blank when that topic comes up.” — Nicholas Schmitt
3. “There's no better way to break connection with another person than to say, ‘You are the problem and you are the reason we're breaking connection.’” — Nicholas Schmitt

Connect with the Guest

• Website: mediatenyc.org
• Email: nschmitt@mediatenyc.org
• Phone: 718-523-6868

Resources List

• Community Mediation Services: mediatenyc.org
• Contact: nschmitt@mediatenyc.org, 718-523-6868
• Mediation referral information (for nationwide options): Reach out to Community Mediation Services or visit their website for help finding local organizations
• Training courses offered: Conflict resolution skills, positive communication, initial mediation training (inquire via website or contact info above)

In this compelling episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer welcomes author Jo Scott-Coe to discuss her books "Mass: A Sniper, a Father, and a Priest" and "Unheard Witness." The conversation dives deep into the hidden, insidious patterns of domestic violence and their connections to mass shootings, focusing especially on the often-overlooked experiences and expertise of victims. The episode explores societal blind spots, victim blaming, obstacles to reporting, and the critical importance of community awareness and support.

Topics Covered:

• Jo Scott-Coe
• The relationship between domestic violence and mass shootings
• The obstacles victims face when seeking help
• Societal perceptions and misconceptions about mass shooters
• “Why didn’t she just leave?” — The realities of escaping abuse
• Recognizing signs of abuse in friends, family, or colleagues
• How to responsibly and supportively help someone you suspect is being abused
• Resources for survivors and supporters

Key Takeaways:

• Mass shooting events have often been preceded by histories of domestic violence; estimates indicate up to 70% of public mass shootings display this pattern.
• Victims are frequently blamed and face significant barriers when trying to report or seek help, both from family and institutions.
• "Just leaving" an abusive relationship is not simple—leaving can be the most dangerous time for victims, compounded by legal and societal obstacles.
• Survivors' lived expertise should be central in conversations about intervention and prevention.
• Allies should focus on listening without judgment, being ready with resources, and supporting the individual’s readiness and choices.
• Resources and hotlines exist, and knowing how to access or share them can be life-saving.

Six Best Quotes:

1. “That mass shooting is a culmination rather than a first strike.” –
   Jo Scott-Coe
2. “The expertise of survivors has to be central.” –
   Jo Scott-Coe
3. “The only way I know how to assert myself is to dominate—those cultural messages seem to be the common territory.” –
   Jo Scott-Coe
4. “Just leave—it’s so interesting… we’ve learned in the last 60 years that leaving is the most dangerous time for a survivor.” –
   Jo Scott-Coe
5. “Trying to unpack the experiences with someone who is a friend, without judgement… is important.” –
   Jo Scott-Coe
6. “You deserve better. This is not your fault. There are friends for you, and you deserve to find them.” –
   Jo Scott-Coe

Connect with the Guest:

• Jo Scott-Coe webpage: https://www.joscottcoe.com
• "Unheard Witness" via University of Texas Press: https://utpress.utexas.edu
  (Special promotion code: UTX K LW for a 40% discount at time of recording)
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/joscottcoe
  
  

Resources List:

• Books: "Mass: A Sniper, a Father, and a Priest" by Jo Scott-Coe
• "Unheard Witness" by Jo Scott-Coe (Univ. of Texas Press)
• Organizations & Websites:
  • National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): https://ncadv.org
  • Local domestic violence shelters and hotlines (check your local listings)
• Note: Many domestic violence support sites include a quick-escape feature for safety.
• Legal and Advocacy Advances:
  • Ongoing international discussions about criminalizing coercive control (noted: UK, Australia, New Zealand)
• Activists Mentioned:
  • Mildred Muhammad (advocate, survivor of D.C. sniper violence)

In this deeply moving episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer sits down with acclaimed author, musician, and poet Bruce A. Jacobs to discuss his forthcoming book, "Fishing While Black." Together, they explore vulnerability, masculinity, and the healing power of the natural world—especially as those themes intersect with trauma, race, and family history. Bruce shares personal stories about his relationship with his emotionally wounded father, reflecting on love, pain, and how time in the wild became a transformative space of connection and growth. The conversation invites listeners to question societal norms about expressing emotion, especially for Black men, and encourages embracing both the complexities of our parents and the restorative possibilities of nature.

Topics Covered:

• Bruce A. Jacobs’ upcoming book, "Fishing While Black"
• The importance of the outdoors as a space for healing and connection
• Navigating complex relationships with parents (love and loathing simultaneously)
• Emotional vulnerability as a Black man
• Breaking generational cycles of trauma and understanding mental illness
• The role of nature in grounding and self-discovery
• Societal attitudes towards mental health and stigma ("loony bin" language)
• The process and compulsion behind writing personal stories

Key Takeaways:

• True healing and connection often happen in places or moments away from societal noise—nature can be medicinal.
• Being vulnerable about personal and familial pain is courageous and necessary, especially in communities where such openness is discouraged.
• Our parents teach us what they know—recognizing their humanity allows for a more compassionate understanding.
• The motivations behind creative expression can be deeply personal and sometimes inescapable.
• Expressing emotion, especially as a Black man, is not a weakness but a powerful act of self-affirmation and relational honesty.
• The language we use to talk about mental health matters and reflects broader societal attitudes.

Top 6 Quotes:

1. "My bonding with my father began and sustained itself in the wild, in the outdoors, next to rivers, in the gorge and in the woods, where he treated me as tenderly as he would have treated a fledgling in his own arms."
2. "He would weep openly in public at something that possessed him to the point where that's the only response he had...the openness itself was a real gift to me, and it remains one."
3. "I loved him as much as, at times, I loathed him. He always loved me and he always let me know."
4. "Our parents learned something, and that's what they taught us, not necessarily out of a place of maliciousness, but that's what they knew."

Connect with Bruce A. Jacobs:

• Literary Journal (for excerpt "The Gorge"): Shenandoah, Spring 2025 (link will be available when published)
• Bluesky: bajacobs.bluesky.social

Resources List:

• "Fishing While Black" (forthcoming book by Bruce A. Jacobs)
• “The Gorge” excerpt by Bruce A. Jacobs: to be published in Shenandoah, Spring 2025 (https://shenandoahliterary.org)

#MensMentalHealth
#BlackVoices
#EmotionalHealing
#NatureTherapy
#FatherSon
#MentalHealthAwareness
#FishingWhileBlack
#Vulnerability

In this episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer sits down with Leisa Hart, a sales manager and award-winning realtor at Long & Foster (Chevy Chase Circle and Navy Yard locations in D.C.) to explore the powerful connection between where you live and your emotional well-being. Together, they debunk myths about price point, discuss the emotional journey of choosing a home, share insights on navigating outside influences, and highlight why finding the right space is about more than just square footage. Leisa shares her empathetic approach to real estate, focusing on clients' feelings and helping them find true sanctuary, regardless of budget.

Topics Covered:

• The emotional and social impact of where you live
• How financial constraints and price points affect home choice and peace
• Techniques for identifying your “sanctuary” in a home search
• Navigating family and friends’ opinions during the buying process
• The role of the realtor and building your home-buying team
• Communicating openly with your realtor and what to do if it’s not the right fit
• Practical advice for a smooth and enjoyable real estate experience
• Recognizing and quieting the “noise” from outside influences

Key Takeaways:

• Your home should be your sanctuary—peace doesn’t come with a price tag.
• Emotional needs matter as much as practical ones when searching for a home.
• You don’t need to own to find a peaceful, fulfilling place to live.
• A good realtor will listen and facilitate, not impose their ideas.
• It's vital to make decisions for your own well-being, not just to please others.
• You’re never stuck with a realtor if they aren’t the right fit; communication is essential.
• Homebuying is a team effort and should be a smooth, even enjoyable process.

Top 6 Quotes:

1. “Peace does not come with a price tag attached.” – Leisa Hart
2. “When you're choosing a home, you're choosing your sanctuary.” – Leisa Hart
3. “My job is to listen to them, not impose my wishes or my thoughts on it, because it's not about me.” – Leisa Hart
4. “Do not be afraid of hurting your Realtor's feelings. Do not be afraid of speaking up for yourself. You're finding your peace and you need that.” – Leisa Hart
5. “It's natural for your closest friends and family to weigh in, but this is your home, not your parents', not your friends'.” – Leisa Hart

#HomeIsSanctuary
#EmotionalWellbeingFor Your Living Space
#RealEstate includesRealEmotions
#MESHpodcast

In this powerful episode of M.E.S.H., host Pamela Brewer welcomes back Helen Winslow Black, author of "Seven Blackbirds," to dive deeper into the realities of domestic violence. Helen shares insight from her novel, which resonates with survivors thanks to its authenticity and emotional truth. Together, they unpack the complexities of communication in violent relationships, the pervasive cycle of shame and secrecy, and the crucial steps toward healing and empowerment. Helen also discusses practical resources, her personal journey, and sheds light on how fiction can bridge the gap in raising awareness about abuse.

Topics Covered
Challenges of communication in violent relationships
The symbolism behind "Seven Blackbirds" and the power of secrets
Similarities and differences in domestic violence experiences for men and women

Key Takeaways
In violent situations, reasoning and communication may be unsafe; prioritizing physical safety is paramount.
The secrecy and shame around abuse are major barriers to healing; speaking one's truth is transformational.
Abuse affects people of all genders similarly; it’s about control, not love.
Victims are often psychologically isolated, making outside support critical.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer for survivors; hope and personal recovery are vital.

Quotes
"You have to meet survivors where they are. It's amazing when they've spoken up; treat that very gently."
"The psychological isolation is necessary for the abuser to keep on abusing."
"There's always hope that you, the person who's being harmed, can be in a different place."

Connect with the Guest
Website: helenwinslowblack.com
Email: Contact available via her website
Books: "Seven Blackbirds" and "Songs My Mother Taught Me" (available at indie bookstores, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Bookshop.org)

Resources List
National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/
Local domestic violence organizations: (Example shared: The Alliance, Central Colorado)
Everyday Heroes Program (Chaffee County, CO): Local support and education initiative
Bookshop.org for independent bookstores: https://bookshop.org/
Helen Winslow Black’s books: "Seven Blackbirds" & "Songs My Mother Taught Me"
Helen’s Website: https://helenwinslowblack.com