Podcast favorite Dr. Amelia Kelley is back on the show! Today we’re unpacking something I know will resonate with so many of you: our trauma responses. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn… we all have them. But what if instead of shaming ourselves for these responses, we learned to use them for our benefit?

Amelia and I get into what each response actually looks like day-to-day, why they happen so quickly in the body, and how to bring more consciousness when they show up. We also explore ways to reframe them so they can become tools that work in your favor: turning fight into advocacy, flight into creativity, freeze into stillness, and fawn into compassion and service.

✨ Podcast episodes are available in two formats - audio and video! If you’d like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

What you’ll hear about in this episode:

• The four trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn (2:36)
• Why these responses happen so fast in the brain and nervous system (5:41)
• The role of naming and grounding in shifting your experience (17:47)
• How to recognize your default response and bring more choice into it (19:55)
• Using trauma responses in intentional ways, like boxing, cycling, meditation, or setting boundaries (38:20)

Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, author, co-host of The Sensitivity Doctor Podcast, researcher, and certified meditation and yoga instructor. Her specialties include art therapy, internal family systems (IFS), EMDR, and brainspotting. Her work focuses on women’s issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, highly sensitive persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.

She is an adjunct professor in Psychology at Yorkville University and a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on SiriusXM Doctor Radio’s The Psychiatry Show as well as NPR’s The Measure of Everyday Life and 411 Teen. Her private practice is part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is also a resident trainer at PESI offering continuing trauma-focused education to professionals.

She is the author of Powered by ADHD: Strategies and Exercises for Women to Harness their Untapped Gifts, Gaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse, coauthor of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship, as well as Surviving Suicidal Ideation: From Therapy to Spirituality and the Lived Experience, and a contributing author for Psychology Today, ADDitude Magazine, as well as Highly Sensitive Refuge. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, Yahoo News, Lifehacker, Well + Good and Insider.

Resources & Links:
ALL NEW: The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are Now Available on YouTube!
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate’s Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Dr. Amelia Kelley’s website
Dr. Amelia Kelley on Instagram

===================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

===================

Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-335-making-your-trauma-responses-work-for-you-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

This week’s encore episode is a solo one, focused on The Divorce Roadmap—a framework I created after more than a decade of working with thousands of women and mapping out every stage of the divorce process. Over the years, I’ve gotten really good at helping people identify exactly where they are on that path, which makes it much easier to know what comes next.

Throughout this episode, I walk you through the three stages of the Roadmap: Awareness, Action, and Moving On, and break down the different phases within each stage.

Divorce is almost never a straight line. It’s messy, it loops, it pauses, and sometimes things fall into place when you least expect it. Knowing where you are on the journey can help you feel more grounded and prepared for what’s ahead.

Resources & Links:
Divorce Roadmap
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach
Kate on Facebook
The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

===================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-your-divorce-roadmap-the-stages-and-phases-of-divorce/

This encore episode features Britt Frank, therapist and author of The Science of Stuck, and we’re unpacking what it actually means to feel stuck and how to finally move through it. Britt has a gift for cutting through the shame we carry about our behaviors.

Whether it’s procrastination, burnout, people-pleasing, or codependency, she breaks down the brain-body connection behind it all and reminds us that you can’t logic your way out of an emotional process.

If you’ve ever felt frozen, overwhelmed, or trapped in your own patterns, this conversation is a lifeline.

What you’ll hear about in this episode:

• How to define the ‘first step’ to help you figure out your plan for getting unstuck
• Britt explains why we can’t think ourselves forward
• We explore the steps to help you get unstuck including: Validating what’s happening and determining the resources available to help right now
• Why Britt says to stay away from positive and negative thinking and instead focus on accurate thinking
• Self-mothering is one the most powerful ways of breaking trauma bonds

Learn more about Britt Frank:

Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator, and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice. You can find Britt on Instagram @brittfrank or on her website www.scienceofstuck.com. Her debut book The Science of Stuck was released 3-22-22 by Penguin Random House.

Resources & Links:

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach
Kate on Facebook
The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

Britt’s website
Britt on Instagram
Britt’s book
Mother Hunger, Kelly McDaniel

===================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-the-science-of-stuck-with-britt-frank/

Over the next month, I’ll be sharing encore episodes of the podcast - conversations that remain just as relevant and impactful today. New episodes will be back in September!

This week’s encore episode features fan-favorite Dr. Amelia Kelley, and we’re digging into what gaslighting really is, how it shows up in our lives, and how we start to heal from it. This conversation originally aired in 2023, but it’s just as relevant today — especially if you’re navigating the aftermath of emotional abuse or trying to reclaim your sense of self.

Dr. Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, and author whose work centers on women’s issues, relationship trauma, adult ADHD, and empowering survivors of abuse. Together, we unpack how gaslighting is used as a tool for power and control, how it erodes confidence and self-trust, and why self-care isn’t optional when you’re healing, it’s essential.

What you’ll hear about in this episode:

• The misconception of gaslighting: what it is and what it isn’t

• The effects of gaslighting on a victim’s mental health

• Dr. Kelley addresses the question, “Is lying gaslighting?”

• You cannot heal from trauma that you are still experiencing

• The steps to overcome and heal from gaslighting include becoming aware, getting outside feedback, and boundary setting

• What self-care looks like during the healing process

• Self-regulation for chronic stress when being emotionally abused

Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley:

Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy. She is a trainer, podcaster and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.

Dr. Kelley is an adjunct counseling professor at Yorkville University as well as a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on XM Radio’s Doctor Channel on The Psychiatry Show. She is a coach and trainer for SAS’s Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her private practice is currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and a contributing author for the Highly Sensitive Refuge. You can find out more about her work at her website www.ameliakelley.com or by following her on Instagram @drameliakelley.

Resources & Links:

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach
Kate on Facebook
The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

Dr. Kelley’s website
Dr. Kelley on Instagram
NYTimes Article about Women and Menopause
Heart Disease in Women

===================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/encore-episode-healing-from-gaslighting-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

If you’ve been in a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, or coercively controlling relationship, you may think you’re alone in your confusion and trauma. After working with thousands of women, however, I can assure you that abusers are all operating out of the same playbook. The gaslighting, the love bombing, the silent treatment? The patterns are actually completely predictable. It’s called the Abuser’s Playbook. And if there’s a playbook for them, there’s a playbook for you, too.

In this solo episode, I walk you through ten of the most common tactics abusers use and more importantly, how to counter each one. This isn’t about changing them. This is about keeping yourself safe, reclaiming your sanity, and taking your power back.

The 10 common tactics narcissistic abusers use (and what you’ll hear about in this episode):

1. Love bombing and future faking that keeps you hooked and how to track the cycle

2. Gaslighting that erodes your sense of reality and how to ground yourself in the truth

3. Projection that flips the blame onto you and how to recognize what’s actually theirs

4. Triangulation that isolates you and how to stay rooted in your own perspective

5. Hoovering that pulls you back in and how to hold your boundary when it feels impossible

6. Smear campaigns that twist your story and how to stay steady when your reputation is under attack

7. Threats and intimidation that instill fear and how to protect yourself and plan ahead

8. Stonewalling and silent treatment that punish you and how to stop chasing their approval

9. Baiting and rage that push you to the edge and how to respond without losing yourself

10. Financial abuse that traps you and how to begin reclaiming control

➡ Download The Survivor’s Playbook at KateAnthony.com/playbook

Resources & Links:
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
How He’ll Likely React Bingo card
Kate on Instagram @kateanthony_divorcecoach
Kate on Facebook
The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage

===================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-333-if-theres-a-playbook-for-them-theres-a-playbook-for-you/