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Healing Your Attachment Wounds

How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships
Written by: Diane Poole Heller
Narrated by: Diane Poole Heller
Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
Categories: Self-Help, Relationships
5 out of 5 stars (41 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Why do we experience recurring struggles in our relationships? And why do traumatic events - such as a physical injury, emotional threat, loss of a loved one, or other life crisis - so often awaken or amplify our sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness?

From our earliest years, teaches Diane Poole Heller, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint.

With Healing Your Attachment Wounds, a pioneer in attachment theory and trauma resolution brings together these two fields to help us understand and benefit from their complementary principles and methods.

This in-depth audio learning program sheds light on the three styles of insecure attachment - Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized - and the ideal fourth style of Secure attachment, where we enjoy a foundation of safety, adaptability, and intimacy with others.

The good news is that we can change, regardless of our early or current life experiences.

"As we heal and move toward Secure attachment," teaches Heller, "we become aware of triggers and patterns in our relationships. Our nervous system learns to be more regulated. Things don't throw us off so easily. And we open our capacity to love and experience greater compassion."

Through key principles, examples, and practical exercises, this program invites you to begin your own healing journey toward healthy vulnerability, wholeness, and connection with others.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.

©2017 Diane Poole Heller (P)2017 Sounds True

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    4 out of 5 stars

A great reminder that the childhood wounds don’t need to ruin adult relationships

I was recommended this book on #Audible1 when I started my recent new relationship. Diane walks us trough different adult relationship patterns that are rooted in the childhood. I thought I had worked through most of my abandonment issues but yet again a new relationship presented some challenges... This book was perfectly timed for me and reminded me that despite some of my childhood trauma I can be free and happy in my relationships as an adult. Just gotta keep working on it... Thank you!

3 people found this helpful

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Practical - loved the exercises too!

This audiobook was short, compact, and concise. I loved how practical it was and how there were exercises provided too that you can do as you listen to the recording. It was also interesting to make connections with my childhood as I listened to this! Also, the recording was well done and engaging. I felt like she was teaching me. It felt personal.

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  • Matt
  • 2017-12-05

Superb!

This is an excellent overview of trauma, healing and flourishing as a human from the attachment perspective. I've listened to a lot of other works about attachment, Stan Tatkin, Dan Siegel, Kinnison, Levine and Heller, Sue Johnson, etc, and this is one of my favorites. Just finished listening to it and looking forward to listening a second time. I found Diane Poole Heller's voice very pleasant. Highly recommended!

17 people found this helpful

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  • Vanessa
  • 2018-03-29

Great book

I would recommend you first read “Attached” by Levine and Heller. Then read this book, it’s better to have a basis or orientation of your attachment style first. Then this book gives great exercises to help you move to a more secure attachment style.

14 people found this helpful

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  • Peter
  • 2018-04-01

Kindling hope

Where does Healing Your Attachment Wounds rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

Near the top, I always prefer books read by the author. Nuance, inflection, prosody and intonation combine to make the experience as close to sitting in the same room as is possible within this medium. Diane's reading of her own work is a shining example. Her authenticity is palpable. In the words of Stephen Porges, she conveys a sense of safety that allows deep penetration of the message. What more could you want in an audio book?

What was one of the most memorable moments of Healing Your Attachment Wounds?

Not a moment, but a message: that healing insecure attachment patterns is possible, and proven. After reading "Attached", and learning a solid foundation on adult attachment styles, the take away was less than hopeful for those with insecure patterns (still highly recommend that book!).
From this and other books I have come to realize there is nothing to fix, only wounds to heal. Fixing is a manmade construct for broken things, not living beings. We are born whole and imbued with the power to heal, our attachment system is no different and if given the right environment will do so naturally, as does a bodily wound. This concept makes sense to me. Diane lays out step by step how to create such an environment, shares her own and others experiences with deep and genuine compassion, her soothing voice and presence made it feel one on one, and left me feeling hopeful, for myself and others who might feel somewhat doomed upon first learning about adult attachment.

Which scene was your favorite?

"we were born ready to form secure attachments, the system is still there intact, we are just excavating it..."
This is a fresh concept I have not come across in any of the 3 other books I've read on the subject, I really appreciate the metaphor.

Any additional comments?

Learning about adult attachment theory has opened a window into my past and offered liberating insight into behavior that has eluded me for decades, no therapist has mentioned it to me before, sadly. This book adds revelation to insight by offering a strategy for healing. Hope is a powerful motivator! If you know what I'm talking about, you'll get a lot from this book. Highly recommended!

6 people found this helpful

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  • SidVid
  • 2020-01-20

u mean i’m not doomed to self inflicted suffocating loneliness?

as a single person with insecure attachment, many books about attachment were really discouraging because they either weren’t relevant to me because i’ve been single so long or worse they were full of warnings to avoid a relationship someone like me. i’m really relieved to have found a book that gave me actionable advice to move closer to a secure place and gave me hope that i’m not doomed to be the villain in all my attempts for closeness.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Margaret C. Turnbull
  • 2019-06-05

Good stuff, but really needs a table of contents.

These lectures (and they are delivered as lectures not as a regular audiobook) contain a lot of fantastic and useful information. But in order to use it more effectively, each chapter/lecture should have a title, indicating what the chapter is going to be about. Otherwise, it’s really hard to find what you’re looking for when you want to go back and review what she says about any given attachment style. I got completely lost trying to find anything. I think that’s a flaw both in the recording itself and in the audible format. Perhaps Sounds True could post a PDF of chapter headings — but I wasn’t able to find anything online.

3 people found this helpful

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  • M Scott
  • 2018-01-01

check yourself before you wreck yourself

I've heard it said that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Not just intimate relationships but any and all of them - in which the common denominator is you. If you have tried and failed repeatedly in your interpersonal history then you should examine your attachment functioning and manifest behavior in fine detail. Every interaction you ever have in life adds up, like raindrops - will the outcome be a powerful deep river that gauges into the bedrock or a scattered squall that dissipates across the barren plains?
Diane's work here will show you not who you are, but how you are - the hidden, reactive, maladaptive parts of your psychology that drive your behavior and lead to relationship difficulties. And some clues on how to correct these.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Nicholas Carter
  • 2017-12-11

Gold

Gold. This provided me with valuable insight into my own attachment style and the simple steps I can take to move towards secure. I also felt a lot more compassion for people I previously judged as horrible. And a positive way forward. I'll definitely be listening again.
This affects every aspect of life. I want to share this with everyone, and have already shared it with some friends. One thing that could have improved the listening experience is a suggestion that we pause as often as we need to, as Diane talks quite fast.

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  • Gustavo Adolfo
  • 2020-02-29

she focuses more on the spiritual side of it.

it's an interesting audioble but I found it that she focuses more on the spiritual side instead of the actual psychological side of the whole thing. she does talk about attachment theory in a deeper form but that's only like a quarter of the whole audible.

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  • Sigrun Sigurdardottir
  • 2019-05-13

nothing new, just basic

the reader sounded a bit "know it all" and I was expecting more. might be useful for some people. nothing wrong with the info just avarege storytelling and for me nothing new.

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  • MF
  • 2017-12-08

Exceptional!

Diane is a master in her field. I loved the clarity that she brings to the subject, and the myriad of examples that she offers. Her delivery is ecceptional. It was as if I was having a conversation with her, not listening to a lecture. I strongly recommend this audio.

2 people found this helpful