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Vortena: Everybody Loves Large Chests, Volume 3

Written by: Neven Iliev
Narrated by: Jeff Hays
Length: 14 hrs and 11 mins
5 out of 5 stars (32 ratings)
Price: CDN$ 34.00
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Publisher's Summary

What happens when one takes a murderous psychopath and forces them to team up with a cowardly tinkerer? Though not a question Jeremiah ever expected to ponder, he is nevertheless looking forward to seeing what the aforementioned duo will cook up. Success or failure does not matter to Richard, only that the journey be entertaining.    

Things are far less jovial for the one under Tom's "care", however. Stuck in the monster-infested wilderness, lacking the usual backup, hunted by the Empire's top brass, and tasked with an incredibly vague and obtuse Quest, Boxxy will face a world of uncertainty and adversity. However, this is nothing new. Pain, suffering, and loss are things that have been commonplace since day one, and Boxxy is not only entirely undaunted, but also eager to share those valuable lessons with its new "companion". With things both shiny and tasty on the line, the crafty killer has every intention of showing that lich who's boss.    

Assuming Boxxy manages to find it, of course.    

Content warning: profanity, gore, violence, explicit adult content.

The Soundbooth Theater team for this production:      

  • Jeff Hays - narration, music, and sound design   
  • Dalton Lynne - editing and proofing  
  • Griffin Malnar - editing and mastering
©2018 Neven Iliev (P)2018 Jeff Hays

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Just enjoy the very funny and insane story!

More of the same goodness that the first two books had. Still very R rated and very politically incorrect.

Loved it

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Lot’s of fun!

Lot’s of guilty fun! Laughed my ass off on occasion! This is so different from any other LITRPG series! Can’t wait for the next one!

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enjoyable installment

a great light amusing story. I look forward to the next book. a worthwhile listen.

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Volume 4? Please!

This series is the shiniest most tasty series I've listened to. I love this hilariously depraved shit.

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Great

Loved the characters the voices and the storyline. Jeff hays is really talented and knows his trade.

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  • Ray Johnson
  • 2018-10-31

Boxy's back and your gonna be in trouble . . .

. . . hey ya, Boxy's back.


Everybody's favorite murder box has returned for yet another installation of this amazing series of monstrous adventures. It has a few things going for it right off the bat. First, it pretty much picks up where the last book ended. I like that. Sometimes a months later type opening works, but not here; it is important to note that Boxy is still very young, in spite of his powers, and it is good to stay with that. Secondly, we get right into the lich action, we don't really dawdle around trying to set the story up.

Iliev knows how to write so that the more things change the more they stay the same. By that I mean that no matter what happens to Boxy, no matter how he evolves he is still that little chest full of teeth and as brutal as ever. Truth is, every time someting happened I nearly panicked thinking things were going to dramatically alter the way our monster worked, and no matter what evolution Boxy went through he remained Boxy. Clueless, cunning, and without mercy. There are numerous battles that are fairly epic in nature; I really enjoyed the encounter with the Lich and how the murder box dealt with her. The demons are as nasty as you remember, which means lots of naughty fun. The only issue that I have with the book comes in how the mimic treats Fizzy. Her brutalization actually bothered me a bit, because unlike the demons or undead she was a living being who was basically tortured on a constant basis, and then there is an event that occurs that pretty much nearly made me stop listening just because it was rather real. I sort of wish Iliev had just pulled a Shawshank move and rolled away around the corner and left things to our imaginations, but later on it is clearly spelled out what happened. As an adult, I can say that this is an adult book, and how can I complain about something like that when people are being murdered left and right and I didn't blink an eye. So, contextually it fit, but I have to admit it hit me kind of hard. So be warned, there are some very grown up issues taking place. One thing that really amazed me is that this somehow turned into a harem book, with the mad box at the center of all the sexcapades. Considering that Boxy is basically an amorphous asexual I didn't see that part on the horizon at all.

Vortena is not heavy most of the time. Generally you will find your self chuckling at the antics of one of th characters or situations. The book is funny as hell, and it made me laugh multiple times, and I won't lie I never enjoyed the book more than when Boxy was slaughtering people. Ignorance is his armor and his confidence is his sword. A paragon of humility he is not.

The narration is top of the line, and Hays really nails the vocals. Seriously, I think he played Fizzy so well that she become pretty real, and that was why her incident bothered me so much. Also, there are only two books that have amazing hotline phonecalls, one is After Life by Domino Finn, and the other is this killer series. I cannot wait for the moments when boxy calls Carl and talks things over. Those moments are so precious that I really appreciate the way that they are handled. Jeff really upped his game this time around, as the emotional stakes also increased to such a high point. He made some stuff real. Kudos, because as much as I admire Jeff's voicework I don't think he ever hit a Fizzy emotional rollercoaster moment like this before. This is some top tier narration, and it rocked me right back to 1981, when Stray Cats released Rock this Town, cause that ws just what he did. He rocked it inside out. Hays just continues to get better and better.

This isone of those books that you burn through like it was soaked in gasoline. You have so much fun that you are sorry that there isn't a new novel lined up, so I get jealous of people who are just discovering this series, because they can SBT and chill as the series unfolds. Seriously, I was not panning the events in the book, but I will say that they will hit you hard, so be prepared. Get the latest installment now, because I need my Boxy to come back and eat more towns. Even though I did receive a promo code for this review it in no way influenced my considerations of the material, and in fact, inspired me to be more honest. Getting a code generally makes me harsher as a reviewer as I am more often concerned what someone like Me will decide based on my review.

If this review helped, please press the YES below. Thank you immensely!!!

As seen on the LITRPG AUDIOBOOK PODCAST, please check it out on Youtube.com

41 of 45 people found this review helpful

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  • cmreviews
  • 2018-11-08

Mimics gotta' mimic

🡺🡺 Warning: semi explicit sexual content, goreific violence, and a general disregard for moral standards. NC-17🡸🡸

A LitRPG that's not afraid to make fun of the adventurer. If one was to take the players charter sheet and give it to a monster who lives day after day watching its dungeon kin die at the hands of adventures one might get Boxxy T. Morningwood; A mimic given access to jobs, magic, and feats no god ever expected it to possess.

Neven Iliev's writing is most enjoyable. He builds a story that starts with a snowflake and ends with an avalanche. Humor abounds in every chapter with everything from a telephone to well' ... that escalated quickly, expect cute references, tropes, and witticisms. The adult content is explicit enough to be thoroughly enjoyable without becoming a story line focus or a drag; fair warning, it is much more than sex.

Jeff Hays and Spoken Realms produced a masterpiece. Jeff keeps all his voices straight and provides depth and diversity to make charter recognition easy and enjoyable. The sound effects are without a doubt the kind of quality audio productions should strive for, they add to the story without distracting the listener or feeling repetitive. Additionally, planning the parts so skipping the charter sheet without missing any story is a nice touch.

🡺Note: This is a series long review of books 1-3 available from audible at the time of this review. All the books are every bit as tasty as the others, so no book specific criticisms for this review. And thank you for taking the time to read my review.

7 of 8 people found this review helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2018-11-03

Hilarious

The Antics of Boxxy never disappoint. This series is a true gem. Definitely read! Amazing

7 of 8 people found this review helpful

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  • Tobin L. Wallace
  • 2018-11-14

O-O-O-oa-oa

It’s amazing that it’s possible to create such a consistently dark, violent, lewd world and have it be so completely upbeat. It blends multiple styles together, harmoniously. I especially love Jeff’s rendition of Caramelldansen. I never would have guessed that it had metaphysical influences, but... I guess I can see it

5 of 6 people found this review helpful

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  • Ryan Caldwell
  • 2019-02-05

Facepalm

I was particularly drawn to this series because I found its obscurity hilarious, but sadly this entry into the series falls a little flat. It's a bit hard to make anything like rape and psychological trauma entertaining. However, once you can get through that stomach-turning portion of the audiobook, the quality slightly recovers, but it still leaves you feeling uncomfortable.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • joakim garly
  • 2019-01-22

Just too much blatant gore for me...

I liked the idea of a mimic becoming stronger in a hostile world filled with things trying to kill it. However the psychological trauma the characters are put through and the gore ever 5 minutes (exaggerated) makes me almost want to burn my phone.

I did and will not finish it cause of this. it all just seems so unnecessary.

The book has it's good as well as funny parts thought I fear the series is going downhill since book 2. Shame...

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Jim C.
  • 2018-12-21

He Can't Keep Getting Away With This!

Neven Iliev's third installment continues the hilarity and thrilling excitement that is Boxy T. Morningwood. There is really no easy way to review this book without giving spoilers so suffice it to say all your favorite characters return and new ones are brought in for the fun. Boxy continues to surprise the God of Chaos...err...Chance as well as the audience. If you've read the first two books then of course it is a no brainer to get the third. Enjoy!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Darkpoet
  • 2018-11-30

Absolutely Fabulous!

it has been a while since I have enjoyed a series so much. I definitely recommend this comedic masterpiece. keep them coming!!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • AmazonCustomer
  • 2018-11-27

Better than the second one.

Still too much detail in the porn and rape scenes. But the magic and murder are creative and fun.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Hayster_
  • 2018-11-07

the anwser to your question of what song that is

Caramell look it up :)

ps buy this fucking book it is amazing cruel and horrible

4 of 6 people found this review helpful

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  • legionsama
  • 2018-11-18

JEFF HAYS make a great performance again

This book have less hentai that the second one soo all good for me! Great performance of jeff hays has always! If you like the first two book you will also like this one!