A "spicy" (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Terrible minisode IN WHICH —

0:08:45: MYSTERIES OF LONDON, Ch. 6, IN WHICH —:

• Richard Markham meets Diana Arlington and is utterly smitten. Then a short, stout, vulgar-looking man enters the room. This is Augustus Talbot, and he is truly crass. He keeps trying to steer the conversation round to the subject of a corn he’s afflicted with on his little toe. Chichester and Harborough are clearly worried that Talbot might spoil their chances of making a favorable impression on Richard; why would they be so concerned? It’s increasingly obvious that they’re playing a game, and he’s a mark. Is Mr. Talbot another mark? What IS their game, anyway?

• Then a new guest arrives: Apparently another prospective mark, whom they met at the opera the previous week: Mr. Walter Sydney … an effeminate-looking well-dressed youth … whom we last saw being pitched down through the floor of a thieves’ crib into the Fleet River. But he’s different. He seems wise in a way nobody else is. Who is he? What game is he playing? We’ll see …

0:28:25: A SALACIOUS SALOON SONG:

• "The Dildoe! Or, The Amorous Maids," a frisky supper-club song from the 1830s, sung lustily by, um, gentlemen when there were no ladies about. This rather explicit one describes the amorous adventure of Giles, the country lad, upon learning his three maidenly neighbors were starved for male carnal attention.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Beau traps: Well-dressed fortune hunters or swindlers (we more than a little suspect Hon. Arthur Chichester and Sir Rupert Harbrough to be such!)
• Fly angelics: Knowing or wise young women.
• Fly to the fakement: Aware of the tricks.
• Mace-man: Swindler.
• Cutish: Clever.

• Knight of the brush and moon: Drunken fellow wandering amok in fields and ditches trying to stagger home.
• Chaffing: Talking and bantering while taking a glass or two.
• Crib: House, room, or chamber (modern equivalent is "joint"). Originally and still also used to refer to a prostitute's bedroom.

• Pippin: A funny fellow (of either sex); also a friendly way of greeting: How are you, my pippins?
• Bolt the moon: Fly by night
• Beaks: Magistrates, law enforcement authorities
• The tippy: The very best

Episode One of Season Three! — A Sunday-evening full episode IN WHICH —

0:04:10: TERRIFIC REGISTER ARTICLE:

• We hear of a spooky coincidence (or is it?): John Dryden, the poet and playwright who became England's first Poet Laureate in 1668, was an astrology buff, and pulled the charts for his newborn son Charles. They were not good news ... but that astrology stuff is just for fun, right? —right?

0:09:10: ROSE MORTIMER; or, THE BALLET-GIRL'S REVENGE:

• SUMMARY OF OUR STORY SO FAR: A Cliff's Notes version to bring new listeners up to speed on the events of Chapter 1-5.
• CHAPTER 6 (starts at 18:50): Rose isn’t out of the woods yet. She’s in this strange house, with this ruffian and his haggish mother, and she can’t help wondering if she’s jumped out of one frying pan and into another. The hag orders her to go upstairs and get some rest. She’d love to … but something tells her these two are not to be trusted, and her host keeps staring covetously at the costume-jewelry bracelet she’s wearing. Is she in danger? (Spoiler: Yes.) How will she escape from their clutches? (Spoiler: By — just kidding! Tune in and you'll soon find out!)

0:34:50: A GHOSTLY SHORT STORY, to wit —

• AN ACCOUNT OF SOME STRANGE DISTURBANCES IN AUNGIER STREET, by J. Sheridan Le Fanu, from 1851. This is Part 1 of 3 parts (Part 2 will come next Sunday).

PLUS —

• We learn a new Flash song (starting around 0:31:30): "Moll Spriggins," full of fun highway-robber slang (see below). — And ...
• We read a satirical letter proposing a New System of Poetry in Punch, the comedy magazine of the 1840s (starting around 0:57:20). — And ...
• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

From intro and outro patter:

• GNOSTIC: Knowing one
• OUT-AND-OUTER: Excellent young person of high spirits
• FLYERS: Shoes
• DEW-BEATERS: Feet
• LUGS: Ears
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges

• TOWN TABBY: Dowager lady of quality

• PIKE OFF: Flee to avoid being caught
• RED WAISTCOAT: Uniform of the Bow-street Runners, London's first police force
• KNIGHT OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellow wandering amok in fields and ditches trying to stagger home

From comedy article in Punch Magazine:

• SNOB: A shoemaker's helper, also known as a Knight of the Awl
• QUARTERN: A quarter pint, usually of gin

From Flash poem, "Moll Spriggins":

"To the hundreds of Drury I write": Drury-lane was notorious for prostitutes in the early 1800s

"To those who are down in the whit": Whit means prison

"Rattling their darbies with pleasure": Darbies are handcuffs or manacles.

"Who laugh at the rum culls they've bit": Culls are prostitutes' customers.

"And now they are snacking the treasure": Snacking means divvying up.

"The harman is at the Old Bailey": A harman is a constable or beadle.

"For if that they twig ye, they'll nail ye": To twig mean to notice or get wise to.

"She tipt such a jorum of diddle": Diddle was gin.

"Garnish is the prisoner's delight": Garnish was a "fee" charged to new prisoners. This means they made Moll share her gin.

"Her fortune at diving did fail": Diving was pickpocketing.

"The nubbing cull pops from the pit": Nubbing means hanging (nub meant neck).

"O then to the tree I must go": The gallows, as in "Tyburn tree." Not a literal tree.

"And then comes the gownsmen you know": Gownsmen were clergymen or priests.

"The ladder shoves off — then we morris": To morris off meant to depart; it's a reference to being hanged, though, and the "morris dance" done after the drop.

EPISODE ART is the cover art from the original 1867 publication of Rose Mortimer; or, The Ballet-girl's Revenge. It has, of course, been cleaned up and colored.

TRIGGER WARNING: This is a Ha'penny Horrid 'Hursday episode. "Horrid" as in "horror." Thursday is the day we do all the grimdark, grisly, horrifying stories. If murders, war crimes, parricides, and other awful stuff are not something you are interested in hearing about, even 200 years later — feel free to skip this episode and circle back this coming Sunday for the regular Penny Dreadful Variety Hour, when this podcast will be back to being a bright, sunny romp through Penny Dreadful stories!

A half-hour- long 'Hursday Horrid Minisode IN WHICH —

0:03:45: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY for August 7:

• A melancholy account of a young girl who, convinced she would be happier in Heaven, murdered her baby niece, on Aug. 14, 1850.

0:05:10: THE TERRIFIC REGISTER:

• Story of a sailor who drew a knife and dove overboard to retrieve the legs of his dead mess-mate, which the shark had bitten off, and avenge his death.
• A summary of all the times, in medieval England, that a convict was sentenced to have a hand cut off.
• A slightly-less-horrid account of a child, thought to be dead, who revived on the mortuary slab.

0:17:40: THE CRIME, CONFESSION AND EXECUTION OF ROBERT EMOND, THE HADDINGTON MURDERER (a broadsheet ballad).

• Jealous and angry in the wake of a business setback, Robert Emond murdered his sister-in-law, then bludgeoned her daughter to death to keep her quiet. He was hanged for the crimes on March 17, 1830.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Hop merchant: Dancing-teacher.
• Rum buffer: Jolly host.
• Tears o' the tankard: Strong ale.
• Scandal-broth: Tea.
• Cat lap: Tea.
• Scragging: Hanging.
• Kiddies and kiddiesses: Flash lads and lasses
• Sherry off: To leave, in a tolerable hurry. A corruption of "sheer off."
• Flats: Suckers.

• Chaffing: Talking and bantering while taking a glass or two.
• Knight of the brush and moon: Drunken fellow wandering amok in fields and ditches trying to stagger home.