In this episode, we’re exploring an aspect of change that can be really tricky: figuring out why making this change is important to you.

It doesn’t sound like it would be that hard. But often it takes a little digging to get at the true heart of our WHY, our compelling reason.

Whether your goals have to do with your health, finances, career, relationships, or anything else, uncovering your compelling reason is crucial. Because it not only increases your chances of success; it also bolsters your overall mental and emotional health.

Key Takeaways

• Knowing what you want to change (or how you’re going to go about it) often isn’t enough to overcome the counter-pressure of the status quo.
• A lack of alignment between our goals and our values causes internal conflict that reduces our resilience to everyday stresses.
• When we pursue changes or goals that are about other people’s expectations or approval, succeeding may not be as satisfying or rewarding as we think
• Wanting to avoid something bad is just as valid a reason as wanting to obtain something good. But it is a different sort of why.

Action Steps

1. Make a list of your reasons for wanting to accomplish a certain goal or create a specific change.
2. For each reason, ask yourself: But why do I want that? What would that bring into my life? Then what?
3. Keep asking that question until your answers feel connected to what you value most.

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We are a society of goal-setters. If you’re not setting and achieving goals, you’re not living your best life. Or so we’re told. And goals do have their place. The thing is that goals (alone) are not enough to really move us forward in the ways that matter most. In order to that, they have to be woven into a larger fabric that also includes our core values. In this episode, we talk about how to do that.

Takeaways:

1. A goal often involves achieving a certain result or crossing a certain finish line. But goals often lose their power to motivate us as soon as we achieve them.
2. An objective goes beyond “I want to achieve this” more into the territory of “this is who and how I want to be.”
3. Think about what objective or identity each of your goals contributes to. This ensures that even short-term achievements are connected to long-term objectives.
4. Listening to podcasts does not create change. You have to actually put these insights and tools to work in your own life.

Mentioned:
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Why is it sometimes so darned hard to just do the things that we KNOW will make us healthier, happier and more effective in our jobs and lives?

Behavioral activation offers us a framework for understanding and responding to that familiar situation of not wanting to do the thing that we know will actually move us forward.

Joining me on the show today is Dr. Bethy Campbell, a clinical psychologist, teacher, and coach who regularly stops by the Change Academy to help us make sense of our own brains.

Four Ways We Get Stuck (and How to Get Unstuck)

1. Overcoping (aka doubling down):: Excessive or overly intense efforts to manage stress or negative emotions.
   What to do: Set realistic goals, prioritize, and establish boundaries
2. Avoidance (aka procrastination): Staying away from situations, activities, or thoughts that are distressing.
   What to do: Break the task or behavior into small steps
3. Withdrawal (aka isolating): Staying away from people and activities that you previously enjoyed; refusing to ask for help or support.
   What to do: Actively seek out social interactions and engaging activities
4. Unintentionality (aka numbing): Lack of awareness or conscious control over behaviors: engaging in mindless activity that may not be that rewarding.
   What to do: Set limits on mindless activities, create structured routines

Mentioned

- Change Academy #115: How to transform difficult emotions into powerful insights

- Change Academy #11: The Attention Intention Action cycle

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Kurt Nelson and Tim Houlihan are the co-hosts of the Behavioral Grooves podcast and heavy hitters in the behavioral sciences. In this episode, the three of us trade notes on what we've learned from years of podcasting and behavioral coaching and how it impacts our ability to work with our own behavior challenges. (Yup, we still have them!)

Key Takeaways

• Curiosity allows for both open-mindedness and critical thinking.
• Trusted sources are a valuable short-cut but can't completely replace our own judgement.
• Building a bigger toolkit is great but you still need to know which tool to pick up
• Life is a series of experiments with an awful lot of uncontrolled variables.
• The wonderful/awful thing about asking for feedback is that you might get it
• Who do you want on your behavior change team?

Mentioned
Behavioral Grooves podcast

They thought we were ridiculous: The unlikely story of behavioral economics

Brain/Shift Journal

Nutrition GPA app

Change Academy #134: Why behavioral economics shouldn't be the only tool in the toolbox

Change Academy #123: How to build the circle that supports your best work

Change Academy #50: Motivation and Accountability

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It’s a very natural human tendency to compare ourselves to the people around us–and even to the people we see portrayed in the media. And like so many other behavioral tendencies, this one is a double-edged sword. Looking at what others have achieved can inspire us to greater effort. It can also make us feel like crap. And we don't want that!

Today, we're delving into the psychology behind why we are driven to compare ourselves to others, the impact it can have on our mental well-being, and some strategies to help you avoid the compare-and-despair cycle.

Takeaways

1. Recognize that comparing ourselves to others can either motivate us or lead to feelings of inadequacy, depending on our mindset and circumstances.
2. Be aware of specific situations or people that prompt you to engage in unhealthy comparisons and find ways to either avoid these triggers or change your reaction to them.
3. Shift your perspective from others to your own journey. Measure your success against your past achievements rather than against others' accomplishments.
4. Implement a regular practice of acknowledging what you're thankful for, which can transform your viewpoint from comparison to appreciation.
5. Remember that everyone’s path, including yours, is distinct and equally valuable. Embracing this viewpoint can diminish the urge to compare and help you appreciate the uniqueness of your own and others' life experiences.

Mentioned
Stronger Bones Workshop on April 13th

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Behavioral economics has given us a lot of insights into how we can influence our own and other’s behavior. But the approach has some serious limitations, especially when applied to promoting health behaviors.

Joining me on the podcast is Michelle Segar, a frequent guest here on the Change Academy. Michelle is an NIH-funded researcher at the University of Michigan. She’s also a best-selling author and health coach whose work focuses on fostering behavior change that can survive the complexity and unpredictability of the real world.

Takeaways

1. Take some time on a regular basis to reflect on how your personal values, beliefs, and motivations align with your desired behavioral changes (and vice versa!)
2. Acknowledge emotional and psychological issues that may present barriers to change. Consider seeking support from a mental health professional, especially if you face challenges like depression, anxiety, or past trauma.
3. Take a look at your social and physical environment and think about how these factors impact your behavior. Consider where you might find supportive communities or how altering your environment might encourage positive habits.
4. Consider getting involved with community initiatives or advocacy groups that are working to address broader societal issues that impact our ability to choose healthier behaviors. For example, groups advocating to make our cities and neighborhoods more walkable or bike-friendly, or organizing mobile farmer’s markets, or upgrading local recreational facilities.

Mentioned

They Thought We Were Ridiculous (5-part series on the history of Behavioral Economics)

Better habits aren’t the answer? (Change Academy Ep #111, with Michelle Segar)

No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness, by Michelle Segar

The Joy Choice: How to Finally Achieve Lasting Changes in Eating and Exercise, by Michelle

Certification program for health coaches

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What if the pursuit of happiness is NOT the path to greater life satisfaction? What if being more productive and getting more done isn’t actually the way to get ahead?

In today’s episode, I’m talking to author Oliver Burkeman about some of the ways in which we might want to re-examine our relationship to goals, happiness, and the things that are most important to us.

This is sometimes a bit painful. because so much of it has to do with confronting some of the hard limits that we like to pretend don’t exist. But, as you’ll hear, there is ultimately a profound relief and freedom to be found in facing finitude.

Takeaways

1. Try to find satisfaction in the journey toward your goals, rather than postponing fulfillment until they are achieved​​.
2. Cultivating your ability to be present to everyday, even mundane, moments can lead to a deeper appreciation of life as it unfolds.
3. Understand that every choice has its consequences, and it’s impossible to avoid negative outcomes entirely.
4. Some of the most meaningful experiences in life are not the result of meticulous planning or pursuit but unexpected and unplanned.
5. Being present is a skill that can be practiced in everyday situations like waiting in line or working in the office​​–and not just on the meditation cushion or yoga mat.

Books and courses by Oliver Burkeman

Time Management Video Course (BBC/Maestro)
Use the discount code CHANGES30 to save 30%!

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking

4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals

Also Mentioned

50K Mile Tune-up Listening Guide and Workbook

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Over the years, I have worked with a lot of people on various aspects of behavior change–mostly having to do with health behaviors. I have witnessed and celebrated some amazing breakthroughs and successes.

But I have also seen people stumble and struggle. Regularly. Something happens and they fall back into old habits or patterns that they’d successfully moved away from.

It’s disappointing but it’s not a tragedy. Because this is just part of the change process. What I do find tragic–and unnecessary–is when these lapses cause people to people give up entirely.

Today, we’re going to talk about how to survive these inevitable episodes and get yourself back in the game more quickly.

Key Takeaways

1. Setbacks are a natural part of the change process and do not negate previous progress.
2. Refrain from attaching a negative story to a lapse, as it can lead to further setbacks.
3. Approach setbacks with curiosity and self-compassion; seek to understand the underlying causes.
4. Rebound from setbacks by learning from them and redirecting energy back towards the goal.
5. A supportive community can provide reflection, encouragement, and valuable insights

Mentioned in this Episode

Permission giving thoughts (Change Academy episode)

Weighless program

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