Episode Title: Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair? Brian's 3 Keys to Healing & Hope

Host: Brian Mayer

Show Notes:

Brian from Love How Deep dives into the difficult question: can a marriage truly survive an extramarital affair? With compassion and directness, Brian shares his firm belief that healing is possible and outlines three essential steps for couples navigating this painful crisis.

In this episode, Brian discusses:

• The Unwavering Need for Honesty: Brian underscores that complete and thorough honesty about the affair is the very first and non-negotiable step towards recovery. He addresses the complexities of sharing sensitive details and emphasizes the importance of transparency about actions and whereabouts.
• Empathy and Responsive Listening: Brian explains why the partner who committed the affair must cultivate deep empathy for the pain and anger of their spouse. He stresses the importance of being responsive to their emotions without defensiveness or anger, as these reactions can further erode trust.
• The Power of Aligned Actions: Brian highlights that words alone are not enough; genuine change and commitment must be demonstrated through consistent actions. He provides practical examples of how to prioritize the marriage and show the betrayed spouse their importance.
• The Often-Overlooked Necessity of Patience: Brian shares insights into the timeline of healing after an affair, noting that it can often take 12 to 18 months for true recovery. He cautions against burnout and urges consistent effort and understanding.
• A Powerful Tool for Healing: The Forgiveness Online Course: Brian passionately recommends the Love How Deep Forgiveness Online Course as a valuable resource for both individuals and couples seeking to navigate the difficult path of forgiveness after infidelity. He details the course content and emphasizes its accessibility and affordability.
• Finding Ultimate Hope and Healing in Faith: Brian concludes by pointing to the profound importance of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as a foundation for healing, forgiveness, and lasting hope.

Resources Mentioned:

• Love How Deep Forgiveness Online Course: lovehowdeep.com/forgiveness
  • Discount Code: FG19 (Get the course for $19!)
• Email Brian: brian@lovehowdeep.com

Key Takeaway: While the journey to recovery after an affair is challenging, Brian offers a message of hope and practical guidance. By prioritizing honesty, empathy, aligned actions, and patience, couples can begin to rebuild trust and heal their marriage. The Love How Deep Forgiveness Online Course is a valuable resource to support this process, and ultimately, faith can provide the strongest foundation for lasting restoration.

Support the Love How Deep Podcast:

• Subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach more people seeking guidance in their marriages.
• Share this episode with anyone you know who might be struggling with the aftermath of infidelity.

Thank you for listening to the Love How Deep Podcast. We're dedicated to helping you build a stronger, healthier marriage.

Welcome to the Love How Deep Podcast with Brian and Heather Mayer.

We have a special treat today, in that we invite you into a behind the scenes day at Maymont park in Richmond, VA with us!

In this fun and relatable episode of the Love How Deep Podcast, join Brian as he sets the scene for a spontaneous quality time adventure with his wife, Heather, at the beautiful Maymont Park in Richmond, Virginia. Get ready to use your imagination as they share their day filled with simple joys and unexpected moments!

In this episode, you'll "experience":

• The Excitement of a Spontaneous Outing: Hear about the initial packing and anticipation for a simple picnic date in a local park.
• The Unpredictability of Plans (Even for Groceries!): Relive their humorous stop (or two!) at the grocery store as they gather their picnic "vittles" – fruit, crackers, spinach artichoke dip, and of course, chocolate!
• The Joy of the Journey: Imagine the music playing and the singing along in the car as they finally make their way to Maymont Park.
• Setting Up a Relaxing Picnic: Picture the scene as Brian and Heather find the perfect spot to lay out their charcuterie-style lunch and soak in the beautiful surroundings.
• Unexpected Animal Visitors: Chuckle along as they recount their close encounter with some very interested geese who seem to have a taste for human food!
• Friendly Competition with Card Games: Get a mental image of their relaxing card game session, featuring "Sky Joe" and the ever-competitive "Cover Your Assets," all set to some chill French music.
• The Beauty of Maymont Park: Take a virtual walk with Brian and Heather as they explore the rolling hills, the historic (and currently being renovated) Dooley Mansion (which Brian affectionately calls the "Mini Biltmore"), and the peaceful grounds.
• Exploring the Gardens and Landmarks: Imagine strolling through the Italian Gardens, admiring the colonnade and the sound of the waterfall, and then meandering into the serene Japanese Gardens with its unique walkways and Japanese maple.
• The Simple Joy of Spending Time Together: Throughout their adventure, Brian and Heather highlight the importance of simply getting out and doing something together, even if it's a place you've visited many times before.

Key Takeaway: This episode reminds us that quality time with your spouse doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. Sometimes, the most meaningful moments come from a spontaneous outing to a local park, filled with simple pleasures and shared experiences.

Resources Mentioned:

• Love How Deep Free Date Night Ideas: lovehowdeep.com/date-night-ideas

Call to Action:

• What are your favorite free or low-cost activities to do with your spouse? Share your ideas in the comments below!
• Think about a local park or beautiful spot near you. When was the last time you had a spontaneous outing there with your loved one?
• Make a plan this week to do something simple and fun together!

Support the Love How Deep Podcast:

• Subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach more couples!
• Share this episode with a friend who needs some inspiration for quality time with their spouse.

Connect with Love How Deep:

• Website: www.lovehowdeep.com
• Facebook: Love How Deep Facebook Page
• Instagram: Love How Deep Instagram
• YouTube: Love How Deep YouTube Channel

Thank you for joining Brian & Heather on this imaginative journey to Maymont Park! We hope it inspires you to create your own moments of quality time with your spouse.

Introduction:

• Brian acknowledges the universal struggle of time management for spouses and parents.
• Balancing multiple roles: spouse, parent, worker, friend, individual pursuits, and potentially church commitments.
• The feeling of not having enough time to do everything.

The Finite Nature of Time:

• Time as the one truly finite resource – unlike money, food, or friends, we can't create more of it.
• The challenge of fitting everything into a limited amount of time.
• Brian shares his current activity as an example of integrating passions with other tasks (running and video creation).

Rethinking Multitasking:

• Brian expresses his dislike for the term "multitasking."
• True simultaneous focus on disparate activities is likely not possible.
• His current activity is more of an add-on than true multitasking.

Practical Time Management Suggestions:

• Integrating Exercise:

  • Starting small: Experiment with waking up just 10-15 minutes earlier for exercise.
  • Gradual increase: If it feels good, incrementally add 5 minutes every couple of weeks.
  • Considering alternative times: Lunch breaks or evenings.
  • Addressing the "no energy at night" excuse: Exploring factors that impact energy levels (diet, short naps).
  • The goal: Finding time for activities you love to boost overall well-being.

• Leveraging Artificial Intelligence (AI):

  • Introducing Chat GPT as a free and powerful tool.
  • Brian's personal anecdote: Using Chat GPT to recreate a restaurant recipe from their dating days, saving significant time.
  • Suggesting using AI for brainstorming time-saving ideas and optimizing routines.

Empathy and Encouragement:

• Acknowledging that finding time amidst numerous responsibilities is genuinely difficult.
• Offering encouragement and the hope that these suggestions can be helpful.

Call to Action:

• Reminder to follow and subscribe to Love How Deep for more content.
• The ultimate goal: Helping couples and families connect more deeply with each other and with God (even if not explicitly discussed in this video).
• The potential for saved time to be invested in quality time and spiritual connection.
• Closing remarks and farewell.

Welcome Back to the Love How Deep Podcast. This is Episode 86.

Helping Your Stuck Spouse

Introduction

• Heather's opening question: Have you or your spouse ever felt overwhelmingly stuck?
• Relatability of feeling unable to move forward due to circumstances.
• Addressing the common frustration of wanting a stuck spouse to "just get over it."
• Highlighting the need for compassion and grace over irritation.

Heather's Personal Experience

• Sharing a recent personal experience of feeling stuck and distraught.
• Brian's supportive question: "What do you need from me?"
• Heather's inability to articulate her needs ("I just wanna curl up into a little ball and cry").
• The desire to withdraw and escape the situation.

Brian's Action and the Outcome

• Brian's proactive response: "You're getting outta this house. Let's go."
• Heather's initial resistance and lack of a destination.
• The simple act of leaving the house and going to a home store at the mall.
• Describing their shared experience in the store as akin to visiting a museum.
• The power of a change of scenery and shared focus on something neutral.
• Examples of their interactions and conversations that lifted Heather's mood (observing items, reminiscing).
• The positive impact of this outing on the rest of Heather's day.

The Encouragement and Challenge

• Heather's encouragement to listeners: If your spouse is stuck, get them out of the house.
• Anticipating potential resistance and suggesting a loving approach ("I'm doing this for you because I love you").
• Suggesting various simple activities: walks, visiting animal shelters, etc.
• The key is a change of environment to potentially brighten their mood.

Advice for the Stuck Spouse

• Direct address to listeners who might be feeling stuck.
• Encouragement to allow their spouse to help.
• Trusting their partner's initiative to provide a change of pace.
• Acknowledging the difficulty of moving forward when feeling stuck and the value of external help.

Conclusion and Call to Action

• Reiterating the challenge to actively help a stuck spouse.
• Reminder to subscribe to the Love How Deep YouTube channel and podcast.
• Mentioning their presence on Facebook and Instagram.
• Final encouraging words and sign-off.

God's Plans for Your Marriage: Finding Hope and a Future Together

Introduction

• Brian poses the question: Do you know the plans for your future?
• Introducing Jeremiah 29:11 as the source of knowing God's plans.
• Welcome back to Love How Deep.
• Excitement for the episode.

Jeremiah 29:11

• Reading of Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
• The comfort in knowing God has a plan, even when we don't.
• Brian's personal struggle with future anxiety.
• Heather's experience with students constantly asking "What's next?"

"Declares the Lord"

• The significance of "declares" – it's a confident and certain statement from God.
• Having confidence in God's promises.

"Plans to Prosper You"

• Prosper meaning to succeed, get ahead, move forward, flourish.
• Connecting this to Isaiah 43:18-19 (forgetting the former, doing a new thing).
• Prospering is future-oriented.
• Caution against equating "prosper" solely with financial wealth.
• Matthew 6:33 – seeking God's kingdom first.
• True prospering is in God's hands and aligns with His will.
• Asking God for desires, but relying on Him for the "how."

The Quilt Analogy

• The beautiful, intricate top of the quilt representing God's perspective of our lives.
• The messy underside representing our limited perspective and perceived flaws.
• God seeing the whole picture and using our struggles for our growth.

"Plans Not to Harm You"

• The tendency to blame God when difficult things happen.
• God's intentions are for our good, even when we can't see it.
• The analogy of running in a forest and encountering "poison ivy" – potential for future help.

A Moment of Levity

• Butterscotch the cat's cameo and the joys of pet ownership during recording.

"Plans to Give You a Hope and a Future"

• God's promise of hope and a future.
• Differentiating worldly hope (uncertain desire) from biblical hope (assured expectation).
• Biblical hope as an expectation rooted in God's promises.
• Alignment with God's will leading to the fulfillment of His plans.
• Expecting God to take care of you.

Conclusion

• Encouragement that Jeremiah 29:11 provides positivity for marriage.
• Urging couples facing difficulties to look at this passage.
• Even in tough times, God's plan includes prosperity, no harm, and a hope and future.
• Peace and comfort found in this verse.

Call to Action

• Reminder of the resources available on lovehowdeep.com.
• Thanking listeners for tuning in.
• Closing remarks and farewell.