#59: Lead The Way – Enter The Forge – Feedback That Refines Men, Save Your Marriage – The Leadership Series (Episode 8) INTRO: FEEDBACK IS FIRE Welcome back to Men, Save Your Marriage. This is Episode 8 in our Lead the Damn Way series. And today’s message is one that will expose you, challenge you, and—if you let it—refine you. We’re talking about feedback. Not flattery. Not the shallow stuff people say to keep things smooth. Not compliments you fish for when you’re insecure. I’m talking about raw, honest, sometimes painful feedback—the kind that hits your ego, punches your pride, and invites you into the forge. Because that’s exactly what feedback is. It’s fire. And fire, if you’re willing to enter it, doesn’t burn you to destroy you—it burns off what’s weak, soft, and half-built in you so that only what’s strong remains. Today, I’m going to show you how feedback—especially from your wife, your kids, and the men you trust—can become the forge that sharpens your leadership. If you want to be a man who’s respected, followed, and trusted again… If you want to lead a marriage that’s not built on eggshells but on truth… If you want to raise kids who admire you instead of avoid you… Then you need to stop dodging feedback and start embracing it. This is the episode that separates men who pretend from men who refine. Let’s enter the forge. POINT 1: FEEDBACK IS FIRE—AND FIRE REVEALS WHAT’S REAL Most men avoid feedback because they confuse it with an attack. They hear their wife say, “I don’t feel seen,” and think: “She’s just complaining again.” They hear their kids say, “You never listen,” and think: “They’re just being disrespectful.” They hear their mentor say, “You’re coasting,” and think: “You don’t get what I’m carrying.” But here’s the hard truth: feedback is not an attack—it’s a mirror. It shows you what others experience when they’re on the receiving end of your leadership. It reveals: Where your presence is off. Where your words wound instead of build. Where your good intentions don’t match your impact. And yes—it stings. It always stings. Because fire always stings when it touches something soft. But here’s the principle: Feedback is the fire that reveals what’s real. You think you’re strong? You think you’re leading well? You think you’re building trust? You don’t know until someone tells you what they actually experience. If you’re not hearing feedback, there are only two possibilities: You’re surrounded by people too afraid to tell you the truth. You’ve trained people to stay silent because of how you respond. Neither of those is leadership. Both of those are weakness dressed up like confidence. You can’t lead well if you refuse to be led by feedback. A man who can’t handle correction will always hit a ceiling in his marriage, in his fatherhood, in his business, and in his soul. But the man who invites refinement? He becomes dangerous in all the right ways. He becomes a man people trust. A man people lean on. A man people follow. Let me ask you three brutal questions: When was the last time you looked your wife in the eye and said, “What’s one thing I do that makes you feel unsafe?” When was the last time you asked your kid, “What’s something I do that makes you not want to talk to me?” When was the last time you told a mentor, “Where do you see me settling, softening, or avoiding responsibility?” If the answer is never, don’t be surprised when your leadership feels weak. Feedback is the forge. And the forge is where kings are made. POINT 2: THE REAL REASONS MEN RESIST FEEDBACK Let’s cut the excuses and get real: You don’t resist feedback because it’s false. You resist it because it hits something true. Let me show you the four most common reasons men push feedback away—and how each one is a sign of weakness masquerading as strength. 1. Pride – “I already know what I’m doing.” Pride whispers: “You don’t need correction. You’re good.” This is the most dangerous mindset a man can adopt. Because when pride takes over, you stop listening. You stop learning. You stop adjusting. And then—one day—you wake up wondering why your wife is distant, why your kids are cold, and why no one trusts your leadership. Blind spots destroy marriages. Blind spots create father wounds. Blind spots bury legacies. And pride is what protects your blind spots from being touched. 2. Shame – “If that’s true, I’m a failure.” This one’s deeper. Some men don’t avoid feedback out of arrogance—they avoid it because of internal shame. They believe: “If I admit that’s true about me, it confirms I’m broken.” Listen: feedback is not about identity—it’s about behavior. It’s not saying you’re irredeemable. It’s saying something in your behavior isn’t working—and you have the power to fix it. You’re ...
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