In this powerful episode, we address the heart-wrenching story of a betrayed partner whose marriage has been scarred by nearly two decades of emotional abuse, chronic dishonesty, and sexual betrayal. Despite having initiated divorce proceedings, she finds herself still seeking clarity and wondering if hope remains. Her husband, who continues to act out sexually while refusing meaningful recovery, tells her that she’s overreacting and simply needs to “get over it.” We unpack the damaging impact of that dismissive attitude and the emotional exhaustion that comes when a partner’s pain is ignored or minimized.

We explore the reasons why sex and porn addicts often refuse to change—from deep-rooted denial and shame to emotional immaturity, fear, and pride. By understanding these psychological and relational patterns, partners can gain the clarity needed to make authentic, self-honoring decisions. At the same time, we emphasize that understanding the “why” does not mean excusing the behavior. The addict’s refusal to grow or take accountability places a ceiling on the relationship and prevents the kind of healing and intimacy that both partners deserve.

Ultimately, the question becomes not whether a betrayed partner wants to stay, but whether she can stay without losing herself. We outline the crucial role of boundaries—not as threats, but as life-saving tools to protect dignity and self-worth—and the essential need to rebuild identity, self-trust, and personal sovereignty. Whether a partner stays or leaves, the message is clear: you do not have to settle for pain, silence, or stagnation. You have the right to be seen, heard, and whole—and no, you don’t need to “just get over it.” You deserve better.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Porn/Sex Addicted Partner tells me I just need to "Get over it" . . . So, now what?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast Episode 287 explores the recurring emotional turmoil experienced by a betrayed partner whose addict spouse continues to cycle through emotional relapses, despite seemingly engaging in recovery activities. Every six months, he emotionally regresses—questioning their relationship, doubting compatibility, and withdrawing connection—which destabilizes her sense of safety and triggers deep trauma. In her desperation for reassurance, she finds herself compulsively seeking emotional details, only to be retraumatized further. The article highlights that this dynamic, often driven by fear and confusion, creates a lopsided relationship where she becomes the emotional pursuer while he remains distant and inconsistent.

The authors emphasize that this cycle cannot be broken by surface-level recovery or simply “doing the right things.” True healing requires the addict to engage in deeper emotional work, initiate vulnerability, express consistent gratitude, and offer proactive transparency. Simultaneously, the betrayed partner must establish clear boundaries, articulate her emotional needs, and begin shifting her support system to include emotionally safe, non-romantic relationships outside the marriage. These actions help her move from desperation to empowerment, offering both self-preservation and clarity around what kind of relationship she’s willing to invest in.

Ultimately, the article calls for both partners to be fully engaged—not just during crises, but consistently. Emotional safety, mutual respect, and honest communication are the pillars of sustainable recovery and intimacy. While the current cycle may feel hopeless, with intentional effort and deep personal work on both sides, it is possible to rebuild a relationship that is emotionally grounded, safe, and truly connected.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Addict Partner Keeps Going Through Cycles of Taking Me for Granted. What do I do?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast Episode 286, follows the journey of a man in early recovery who is not content with simply staying away from pornography—he wants to feel a deep emotional aversion to it. The article explores this desire for integrity and congruence, addressing how many men feel torn between what they know is harmful and what they are still wired to find stimulating. It offers a compassionate view that acknowledges sexuality as a core part of being human, emphasizing that true recovery doesn't suppress desire but matures and redirects it toward healthy connection.

Through sections on humanizing porn, defining the difference between lust and attraction, and learning to pause when urges arise, the article challenges cultural and internalized messages that shame desire. It teaches that feeling drawn to something doesn’t mean you're broken—it means you're human. The key is learning to observe, question, and understand those urges, transforming them into opportunities for insight and growth rather than reaction and shame.

Ultimately, the article encourages men to pursue a deeper kind of freedom—one that goes beyond abstinence and seeks wholeness. It invites them to reclaim their desires for good, to see their sexuality as something sacred and powerful when channeled intentionally, and to build lives of authentic connection. It’s a call to courage, honesty, and hope—because the path to becoming a man of integrity isn’t just possible, it’s transformative.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: I'm Staying Away from Porn, But I Want to FEEL Repulsed by it. How?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In relationships impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, performance anxiety often becomes more than a physical issue—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection, trauma, and mistrust. Drawing from a heartfelt message submitted to the PBSE Podcast, Episode 285 delves into how men in recovery may find themselves crippled by shame when they’re unable to sexually perform, especially when performance was once their only perceived value in the relationship. For betrayed partners, these failures often reignite fears of rejection, acting out, or hidden deception, leading to a volatile cycle of pain, blame, and miscommunication.

The article explores how cultural messaging around masculinity and sex—especially the notion that a man's worth is tied to his ability to achieve an erection—intensifies this dynamic, adding unrealistic pressure and reinforcing shame. It highlights the need for couples to step back and rebuild trust by fostering open, vulnerable conversations and addressing trauma honestly. Rather than focusing solely on sexual fixes, it encourages couples to build emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy so that sexual connection becomes a natural, healthy expression of deeper relational safety.

Ultimately, the article challenges the idea that sex should lead recovery. Instead, it proposes that sex should follow emotional reconnection, not precede it. By stepping away from cultural stereotypes and performance-based self-worth, and by prioritizing safety and mutual understanding, couples can begin to move from a place of wounding toward a foundation of healing and authentic connection—inside and outside the bedroom.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Performance Anxiety" is Creating a WALL Betwen Me & My Betrayed Partner! What Advice do you have?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 284 of the PBSE podcast, we dive into the harrowing story of a woman navigating her husband’s sudden shift from sex addiction recovery to identifying as polyamorous. After years of pain, betrayal, and dedicated recovery work, she’s now facing a radical alteration in the foundation of their relationship. Her husband demands acceptance of his new identity, while she grapples with whether this is a genuine expression of self or a veiled escape from the demands of sobriety and responsibility.

Throughout the episode, we explore three critical pillars of relationship health: authenticity, acceptance, and compatibility. Authenticity means being true to oneself—but also responsibly evaluating which parts of the self to honor when they are in conflict. Acceptance involves respecting another’s path without necessarily agreeing with or adopting it. And compatibility is the often-overlooked requirement for sustainable connection—two people must share enough vision, values, and direction for the relationship to survive.

In the end, we encourage listeners, especially betrayed partners, to hold fast to their own truth. While love is a powerful force, it cannot override a lack of compatibility. We challenge the idea that acceptance means self-abandonment and remind everyone that choosing to walk a different path from a partner does not mean you’re unloving—it means you’re honoring the core of who you are.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Addict Partner is Now Identifying as "Polyamorous" and I Don't Agree. Now What?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

This PBSE episode (#283) delves into the delicate issue of couples disagreeing about boundaries during addiction recovery. It begins by emphasizing that boundaries exist to protect authenticity and safety rather than to control others, underscoring the need for each partner to clarify and communicate their genuine wants and needs. The addict's resistance often stems from deeper issues like shame, pride, and a desire for autonomy, which can lead to avoidance and reactive recovery rather than proactive healing. The authors stress that open dialogue—where both parties seek to understand the underlying fears and desires driving their positions—is essential to move beyond rigid standoffs.

If authentic collaboration fails, the article acknowledges the possibility of fundamental incompatibility, where the couple may need to assess whether their needs can coexist without compromising personal safety or integrity. This process is not about punishment but about recognizing the natural outcomes of unmet needs. The authors introduce the concept of outcomes versus consequences, reframing boundary enforcement as self-preservation rather than retribution, which helps reduce defensiveness and fosters healthier communication dynamics.

Consistent, transparent communication remains a cornerstone throughout the boundary-setting process, allowing both partners to navigate challenges proactively while reinforcing their commitment to mutual growth. The article ultimately frames boundaries as opportunities for deeper connection, healing, and intimacy. Whether couples find alignment or face difficult decisions about their compatibility, authentic boundary work offers a transformative path toward lasting relational health and personal well-being.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: What if my Addict Partner and I Disagree About Boundaries—Now What?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast Episode 282 tackles the emotionally complex question many betrayed partners face: “How long should my former addict partner maintain sobriety and recovery before I consider getting back with him?” Rather than offering a simple timeline, it reframes the question to focus on the quality and consistency of change in both partners. The article underscores that while time matters, what matters more is whether the former addict has shown verifiable growth—emotionally, behaviorally, and relationally. It also explores the partner’s own healing journey, highlighting that reconciliation can only be healthy if both individuals are actively working toward personal recovery.

Key concepts such as healthy interdependence, compatibility of emotional wants and needs, and the importance of dismantling codependency are explored in depth. The article argues that rebuilding a relationship requires a fresh foundation, not a return to old dynamics. It emphasizes the need to assess past relationship patterns honestly and cautions against letting nostalgia or loneliness drive decisions. Trial periods, structured re-engagement, and gradual “re-dating” are presented as useful tools for observing change before committing to full reunification.

Ultimately, the article advises that while a minimum of six months to a year of sustained recovery might serve as a general benchmark, it’s not the time alone that matters—it’s what’s been done with that time. Reconciliation should be based on real, observable transformation, not promises or hopeful thinking. When both partners take ownership of their healing and work toward becoming emotionally whole individuals, the possibility for reconnection becomes both healthier and more sustainable.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: How Long Should My Former Addict Partner Maintain Sobriety and Recovery Before I Consider Getting Back with Him?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast Episode 281, tackles the painful and familiar experience of betrayed partners who live in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for the next betrayal to surface. Centering around a listener’s heartfelt submission, the article outlines the emotional toll of repeated trauma, especially in relationships where staggered disclosures have prolonged the hurt. Despite doing some recovery work, the listener still struggles with fear, mistrust, and a lack of emotional safety, highlighting the core issue: how to move forward without continually bracing for disaster.

The discussion focuses on reclaiming personal power through sovereignty, healthy boundaries, and authentic voice. It emphasizes that although the betrayed partner did not cause the trauma, healing requires active steps toward self-care and emotional clarity. Instead of controlling a partner’s actions, effective boundaries are framed around one’s own needs, expectations, and non-negotiables. The hosts challenge the traditional model of boundary-setting, shifting the focus from rule enforcement to emotional empowerment. They also stress the importance of clearly communicating pain—not as a weapon, but as an invitation to intimacy and healing.

Ultimately, the episode encourages partners to prioritize themselves first. Whether or not the relationship survives, their well-being, authenticity, and voice matter most. Real connection, the kind partners yearn for, is only possible when both individuals show up with honesty and accountability. If the addict partner is unwilling or unable to do that, the betrayed partner can still reclaim safety, peace, and purpose. Through programs like Dare to Connect and a strong support network, partners can stop waiting for catastrophe and instead begin living intentionally, boldly, and on their own terms.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: As a Betrayed Partner, How Do I Stop Waiting Around for the Rug to be Pulled Out from Under Me—Again?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services