They’re kind again… so does that mean they’ve changed? In this episode, we unpack why the “nice” version is part of the abuse cycle — and how to tell the difference between real change and a calculated reset.

One of the most confusing parts of an emotionally abusive relationship is when the cruelty suddenly stops — and the “nice” version of the person shows up. Maybe they’re warmer, calmer, even kind for a while. You start to wonder… are they finally changing? Was I wrong about the abuse?

In this episode, I break down why that “nice” version isn’t separate from the abuse — it’s part of the cycle. We’ll explore how kindness can be used as a tactic, why it often appears when you’re pulling away or setting boundaries, and how intermittent reinforcement keeps you hooked in the trauma bond.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

n this raw and validating conversation, fitness expert and former pro athlete Holly Rilinger shares her first public telling of the emotional abuse she endured inside a long-term relationship that looked perfect on the outside.

Holly opens up about how the relationship began with admiration and love bombing, then slowly eroded her confidence, identity, and sense of self. From subtle criticisms about her appearance to the complete absence of repair after conflict, she found herself living in constant fatigue, self-doubt, and silence — all while running a successful fitness business and motivating others to feel strong in their own skin.

The discussion unpacks the patterns of narcissistic abuse, the manufactured discard, the loss of identity, and the physical toll of living in fight-or-flight for years. Holly reflects on the moment a friend finally witnessed the behavior, how she began waking up to the truth, and the small ways she’s reclaiming her body, voice, and power in the seven months since leaving.

If you’ve ever questioned your reality in a relationship that looked “fine” to the outside world but felt like slow erasure on the inside, Holly’s story will remind you that you’re not crazy — and that healing is possible.

You can follow Holly here: https://www.theliftedmethodcoaching.com/

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Most survivors don’t start by asking “Is this abuse?” They ask “Why do I feel crazy?”

This episode dives deep into the emotional confusion that defines so many abusive dynamics—especially when gaslighting, blame-shifting, and chronic invalidation are at play. If you’ve ever found yourself apologizing after being hurt, doubting your memory, or shrinking yourself to avoid their reactions, you’re not alone—and you’re not overreacting.

We’ll explore:

• How emotional abuse trains you to question your reality
• The difference between lying and gaslighting—and why the distinction matters
• Subtle red flags that keep you stuck in self-blame
• The questions that help you reconnect with your truth

This episode is here to help you name the thing you haven’t been able to name, and to remind you: confusion is a tactic.

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner