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  • Attached

  • The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
  • Written by: Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
  • Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
  • Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (1,037 ratings)

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Attached

Written by: Amir Levine,Rachel Heller
Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
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Publisher's Summary

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship." (John Gray, PhD., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

  • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back
  • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
  • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

*Includes a PDF of the attachment style questionnaire

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2010 Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (P)2019 Penguin Audio

What the critics say

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship." (John Gray, PhD., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

"Amir Levine and Rachel Heller have written a very smart book: It is clear, easy to read, and insightful. It's a valuable tool whether you are just entering a relationship with a new partner or—as in my case—even after you've been married 21 years, and had thought you knew everything about your spouse." (Mariette DiChristina, editor in chief, Scientific American)

"Attached is a fascinating and enormously useful guide to one of life's most important ventures—finding and sustaining a secure, satisfying love relationship. Based on 25 years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader." (Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research)

Editorial Review

Have you ever wished your relationships came with a handbook? Have you ever wanted to know how to attract and sustain healthy love? Then, Attached is the audiobook for you.

Typically, how we navigate our most important relationships is simply a reaction to what we have learned by observing those around us. Imagine how much better our relationships would be if we learned how to apply a more scientific approach. In Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller deliver an insightful look into what makes romantic relationships tick.

Just as individual love languages affect how smoothly (or not) a love connection can run, the authors’ attachment theory explores an individual’s attachment style and how it influences who you attract and how. Avoidant people, anxious people, secure people, and everyone in between have their way of navigating connections. Understanding why we, and the people we love, identify as such is the key to creating enriching bonds.

Chock-full of questionnaires and quizzes, Attached serves as a roadmap to attaining the romantic and loving relationships every individual needs to thrive. More than a self-help book, it draws on ground-breaking scientific research to shed light on the distinct ways human attachment affects everyone and how building long-lasting, intimate relationships is critical to living a fulfilled life.

Exploring the latest advances in relationship science, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment is a fascinating and valuable listen for anyone seeking to understand better and improve how they interact with their soulmate and all those they love.

What listeners say about Attached

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Overall informative but lacking in diversity

This book was very informative for me and I think will be very helpful in my life, I appreciated the concrete things one can do to work towards a secure attachment style. However, it was disappointing to see that a research based text could be so devoid of mentioning any sort of diversity of relationships or how culture intersects. It is annoyingly heteronormative and has a strictly monogamous view on relationships. It also doesn't take into account how other factors, such as mental health, may impact attachment styles (imo this can play a huge role).

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no background on attachment styles

I think more background regarding as to why these attachment styles behave a certain way would have helped understand them better. Without such explanation avoidants come off as complete selfish jerks in this book. Overall, I like the examples, explanation, and all the research that is given.

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3 people found this helpful

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Single most important book about relationships!

This book is brilliant. It is the single most important book about relationships. Be sure to use the attached PDFS for the quizzes portions.

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Amazing insight - must read!

A must read for all individuals as a base of understanding and supporting healthy interpersonal relationships in romance (and possibly non work relationships & friendships as well).

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Life Changing

I recently went through a breakup and wanted to better understand what happened. This book had been recommended a year ago but I only just decided to dive into it. I’m sorry I waited so long to read it as I feel like what I learned will actually change the course of my life. I’m feeling really positive about future relationships as I now have a toolkit to better understand potential partners and use effective communication strategies. This book is a must read for those looking for love and even for people in happy relationships. I’ve already recommended it to several friends and will continue to do so.

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Must read (especially for the broken-hearted)

Great read. Very insightful and a great tool for growth after a break-up, especially while you’re still processing. However, there is a bias towards the anxious attachment and against the avoidance. That said, there is still great foundational knowledge to take to a therapist but it won’t cure you. It’s a great start.

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    4 out of 5 stars
  • KNP
  • 2022-01-24

I made a hasty review and changing it now

Initially struggled not realizing there is an accompanied PDF 😑 Silly me, this is much better now!

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great book

loved it, some really helpful tips and knowledge within this book. would recommend to all.

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loved it but

eye opener! but cant download pdf. would love to have it. is it possible to send it?

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Extremely helpful

i learned alot about myself and my current partner. Im not crazy and clingy

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  • Mark
  • 2020-02-01

Good book - just not a good one for Audible

There were just too many tests and checklists in this book for it to be a descent audio book. The information is good, but much better suited to a real book to get the most out of it.

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  • The Weeping Wizard
  • 2020-11-23

No More Leaving It Up to “Chance”

I am of the rare category this book briefly touches on: An individual who simultaneously possesses both an anxious and an avoidant attachment style in relationships.

Between this book and B. van der Kolk’s, The Body Keeps the Score, I feel almost reborn. To be aware of the issues I have brought into relationships, even if they’re of a platonic nature, feels incredibly enlightening, powerful, and revealing.

This book in particular felt as though I was being liberated from “fate”, while at the same time, exposing me to the unhelpful thinking patterns that have been accomplice in keeping me from having the type of relationship I truly desire with a partner.

It helped me understand my accountability and the accountability of others in a relationship; it helped me reshape the way I viewed dependency; gave me incredibly relatable scenarios of areas where I know I need to improve (without making me feel awful); and gave me tips on how to spot behaviors that aren’t going to be helpful in myself, or with a potential/current partner if I want to be the most fulfilled I can be in a relationship.

To say I’m grateful is an understatement.

If you’re tired of leaving things to chance and sincerely want to understand the simple things of what you can do to be ready for and aware of the type of relationship you want, this book is the best place to start.

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60 people found this helpful

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  • Jasmine
  • 2019-12-17

Very "self help" but overall good information

My main complaints about this book are that it's not very inclusive of folks who practice ethical non-monogamy or polyamory. And I disagree with some small parts of what they say. However, the main information in this book is incredibly helpful in all relationships, even if this is focused on romantic and sexual ones. Helped me realize some things about myself, and I will recommend it to others. Essential reading for anyone dating in the modern age.

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  • Rachel
  • 2020-06-15

Wow

I have never written a book review before but this was easily one of the most important books I have ever read. Do not hesitate. Highly recommend!!!

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29 people found this helpful

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  • tkA
  • 2021-03-26

Great read but...

This was a great read! Very eye-opening. It however could have been much better.Its faults include: it is very obviously biased towards those with the anxious/preoccupied attachment style; it gives the impression that those with secure attachment style are holly good fellas that just roll through life in a state of perpetual joy and satisfaction; it does not mention anything about the underlying cause of the attachment styles (which was utterly disappointing); and finally, it gives the impression that the attachment styles are fixed across all relationship types (including non romantic ones) and I dont feel this is true.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2020-04-21

One sided, but informative

Overall the book is average, based on its one sided point of view. Often times the author sided with the Anxious attachment perspective. This view point could leave someone with the thought, no change is necessary on their end. I would reccomend this book to almost anyone, but don't take it for gospel. I believe this book allows you to understand your attachment style and recognize your protest cues, so I'll recommend based on that perspective.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2020-06-30

For those Mourning a Breakup

This helped me so much to get over a relationship and recognize what I need in a partner.

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  • Myles114
  • 2020-04-23

Decidedly Helpful but too Narrowly Focused

The theories presented are undoubtedly helpful in our understanding of relationships and how we “attach” to others. However I found the content slanted in favour of traditional monogamous pair bonds. In no way did it consider or even acknowledge how this information may be applied or interpreted in other viable emergent relationship arrangements.

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  • Jonathan Wilson
  • 2020-12-01

Interesting science, poor interpretation

Basically it says, anxious people need to avoid dating about 90% of the available dating field. Then it gives you red flags to look for in who to avoid.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2020-06-10

It’s good to know you are not alone

I always thought it’s just me (I have both anxious & avoidant behaviours) but after this book I know what my problems are, it’s good to view my issues in relationships from a third person.

I love how this book put a lot of examples/stories and also tell us how we should do instead. But I wish it could explain more and deeper on how to change the mindset and behaviour.

Recommend to everyone.

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  • bigsmoke
  • 2023-02-15

test

test please leave thanks
now I need to put more content in to reach the word limit

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2023-01-24

Eye-opening

This book is amazing. It is extremely insightful, educational and pragmatic. It portays in details the 3 attachment styles: the secure, the avoidant and the anxious. It explains their underlying principles, triggers, activating and deactivating strategies, why they behave in the way they do etc. It provides invaluable insights into patterns of behaviour of ourselves, our partners (and people around us in general) with a myriad of real-life examples of situations and conversations. A very, very warm recommendation for anyone having a hard time navigating in the romantic landscape.

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  • Commentateure
  • 2021-11-25

Excellent !

Le livre donne bcp d'information utile de façon très claire avec les exemples et mêmes les solutions idéales à la situation indiquée. Je n'ai pas attendu de le profiter tellement. Je le recommande forte ! Il donne la clarification nécessaire en expliquant nos comportements mais aussi ceux de notre partenaire. L'audio était très engageant aussi, je ne m'ennuyait pas du tout.

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  • Client d'Amazon
  • 2020-09-08

Great book that everyone should listen to

Talks about 3 types of attachement styles. Learned a lot about my type and my partner type and What to do or how to communicante.

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  • Ralfe
  • 2020-08-18

Great lessons

A skillful presentation of current research-based lessons for relationship success. i wish i had this book years ago!

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  • lemon pie
  • 2020-05-29

A game changer

A fascinating and potentially life changing book about relationship styles - I hung on to every word!

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  • Laetitia
  • 2020-05-13

Génial

Un must have, bénéfique pour tout le monde en couple ou pas! A écouter et réécouter

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