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Attached

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love
Written by: Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
Categories: Self-Help, Relationships
5 out of 5 stars (109 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship." (John Gray, PhD., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

Discover how an understanding of adult attachment - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

  • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back  
  • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.  
  • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

*Includes a PDF of the attachment style questionnaire

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2010 Amir Levine (P)2019 Penguin Audio

What the critics say

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship." (John Gray, PhD., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

"Amir Levine and Rachel Heller have written a very smart book: It is clear, easy to read, and insightful. It's a valuable tool whether you are just entering a relationship with a new partner or - as in my case - even after you've been married 21 years, and had thought you knew everything about your spouse." (Mariette DiChristina, editor in chief, Scientific American)

"Attached is a fascinating and enormously useful guide to one of life's most important ventures - finding and sustaining a secure, satisfying love relationship. Based on 25 years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader." (Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research) 

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Amazing insight - must read!

A must read for all individuals as a base of understanding and supporting healthy interpersonal relationships in romance (and possibly non work relationships & friendships as well).

1 person found this helpful

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Great Book

Very informative book. I should have read that book 20 years ago that you have helped me not redo the same mistakes.

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  • NBR
  • 2020-05-26

beneficial

I've had issues with infidelity and turned to this book to help me strengthen my relationship and what I'm looking for. i found this a great help and some direct connections to my life. My gf and i sat and did that exercises together along with listening to some relevant sections that we both listened to.

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Eye opening!

Well read and Taught me so much about myself! I knew little of the attachment styles but after this I have identified what I am and why I am the way I am. A must read for anyone like myself that's had relationship problems.

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Life changing book

I highly recommend this book. I have read this book 7 times over 5 years. My parter also had read this book many times. We have grown more more individually after every reading. We were able recognized and understand our individual adult attachments and triggers on why we act and react they way we do. We are now in the process of growing within our romantic relationship. It is a life changing book for yourself and relationships.

  • Overall
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Very informative book

I learned a lot about how our attachment styles affect our relationships.... easy to listen to aswell!

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Great book!

One of my coworkers recommended I read this and I’m so glad I did. I’m very stubborn and I’ve always found it hard for something to change my perspective and this book definitely did it for me! Makes you realize what aspects of relationships you carry and what aspects you don’t and probably should. Great book and I was really happy to hear an old professor I had in university was one of the researchers!

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Very important concepts for everyone to know

The ideas in this book are incredibly important for all of us to understand, and while the book focuses primarily on romantic relationships, I believe these same concepts are also valid for friendships and even workplace interactions. Understanding other people's relationship types and tendencies can make all of your relationships better, and avoid incredibly painful situations.
While reading this book, I was immediately recognizing traits in others that I could view from an entirely different perspective. It has helped me grow in a two ways: 1) by helping me recognize when I fall into avoidant behaviours, and 2) to better understand people that have a different type than myself, particularly anxious.
I highly recommend.

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very informative

I learned a lot from this book and the studies it references. I also felt the narration was pretty good too

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A Must Read

I had two different people recommend this before I finally added this to my library and listened to it but once I started, it was hard to stop. I cannot count how many times I had "A-ha!" moments while listening and how much easier it has made dealing with the politics of the relationships I find myself in...friends, family, and with my SO. I loved that this was based on so many people's experiences but that they picked specific illustrative examples to explain things. It made it more concrete for me.
I think that the format lends itself well to an audio book with the exception of the questionnaire but if you download it before listening to the book and then go ahead, you're golden.

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  • Jasmine
  • 2019-12-17

Very "self help" but overall good information

My main complaints about this book are that it's not very inclusive of folks who practice ethical non-monogamy or polyamory. And I disagree with some small parts of what they say. However, the main information in this book is incredibly helpful in all relationships, even if this is focused on romantic and sexual ones. Helped me realize some things about myself, and I will recommend it to others. Essential reading for anyone dating in the modern age.

7 people found this helpful

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  • Mark
  • 2020-02-01

Good book - just not a good one for Audible

There were just too many tests and checklists in this book for it to be a descent audio book. The information is good, but much better suited to a real book to get the most out of it.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Norma Guido
  • 2019-12-25

Amazing material

Great book overall. But you really need to be paying attention the entire time. At times it can be a little dry but the material it covers is amazing

4 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2019-11-16

Life Changing

Everyone should check out this book. It's life changing, especially if you are an avoidant or anxious attachment style.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Myles114
  • 2020-04-23

Decidedly Helpful but too Narrowly Focused

The theories presented are undoubtedly helpful in our understanding of relationships and how we “attach” to others. However I found the content slanted in favour of traditional monogamous pair bonds. In no way did it consider or even acknowledge how this information may be applied or interpreted in other viable emergent relationship arrangements.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2020-04-21

One sided, but informative

Overall the book is average, based on its one sided point of view. Often times the author sided with the Anxious attachment perspective. This view point could leave someone with the thought, no change is necessary on their end. I would reccomend this book to almost anyone, but don't take it for gospel. I believe this book allows you to understand your attachment style and recognize your protest cues, so I'll recommend based on that perspective.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2019-11-07

5 Stars

This book was eye opening and life changing. I hope it can help others as it has and will help me.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2020-05-27

We saved my marriage because of this one book!

The information provided through this well researched book made the difference between getting divorced after 10 years of marriage and rekindling our connection. I never understood why we could never “get anywhere” when we argued or discussed differences but I now have a much better understanding thanks to this book. Highly recommend for everyone. You will use the information provided here at one point or another throughout your life.

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  • Alejandra Castro
  • 2020-05-25

Amazing book

Such a great book that helped me a ton ❤️ many thanks to the author. This deserves to be shared many times

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  • Ryan
  • 2020-05-25

Life changing book!

This book shed SO MUCH light on my tendencies in a relationship AND really just nailed my anxious tendencies on the head in various examples which really helped me feel validated in how I felt. Great narration too!

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  • lemon pie
  • 2020-05-29

A game changer

A fascinating and potentially life changing book about relationship styles - I hung on to every word!

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  • Laetitia
  • 2020-05-13

Génial

Un must have, bénéfique pour tout le monde en couple ou pas! A écouter et réécouter