Grief has its own timeline. And sometimes, the most profound revelations about loss emerge from unexpected places—like a flooded basement.

When contractors tore out the flooring and walls of what had been my late father's living space, I experienced a surprising wave of emotion. Though he had passed nearly five years earlier, that basement remained "Dad's room" in our family's daily conversations. The physical dismantling of this space triggered a grief experience that felt both familiar and entirely new.

What struck me most was how differently my body and mind processed this grief compared to five years ago. My nervous system felt safer, more capable of holding both the sadness of loss and the possibility of renewal. This wasn't because my earlier grief was somehow wrong—rather, it demonstrated how our emotional processing evolves over time, despite society's problematic expectations that we should "get over" significant losses within arbitrary timeframes.

The flood created an unexpected opportunity to honor what was while embracing what could be. As I found myself spontaneously researching new flooring options and imagining the space transformed for our teenage son, I recognized this dual experience as a meaningful part of my healing journey. This mirrors my relationship with depression—both involve nonlinear paths where compassion for wherever I am in the process proves essential.

Whether you're navigating grief, depression, or any significant emotional challenge, remember that healing happens in its own perfect, imperfect time. I invite you to take just one step today—any size, any direction—knowing that movement toward greater joy and connection is possible for everyone, including you, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What we believe about our relationships can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The notion that "past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" might seem logical, but it ignores our capacity for growth and conscious choice.

Through a candid glimpse into my own marriage, I share how a flooded basement became an unexpected opportunity to break old patterns. When my husband discovered our underwater basement, I felt the familiar pull toward our dance of dysregulation—him upset, me trying to calm him down, both of us spiraling into disconnection. But this time, something different happened. One conscious breath created space for a new possibility.

The magic wasn't in pretending the flood wasn't stressful or in perfectly managing our emotions. It was in understanding how our nervous systems interact and choosing not to amplify each other's dysregulation. By allowing my husband his natural reaction without attempting to "fix" him, he regulated himself. We faced the challenge together rather than turning against each other.

This experience reveals the mechanics of relationship patterns: they repeat not because they're inevitable, but because they're calling for our attention. Every conflict contains within it the blueprint for growth—pointing to unmet needs and inviting deeper understanding. With consciousness and self-regulation, we can transform these patterns into pathways toward connection.

Whether you're struggling with recurring conflicts or simply want to enhance your relationship, remember that new possibilities emerge when we pause, breathe, and choose differently than we have before. Subscribe to join me on this journey of conscious partnership, where even flooding basements become opportunities for connection.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Have you ever had a moment of startling clarity about how the people closest to you actually experience you? That's exactly what happened when my six-year-old daughter observed my husband and me dancing in our kitchen and declared we were "in rare form." Those three words stopped me in my tracks.

As someone who considers herself playful and lighthearted, I was struck by the realization that my children rarely witness that side of my relationship with my husband. Our playful moments typically happen late at night after they're asleep, while our days are consumed by the practical responsibilities of family life. This insight led me to question not just how my children perceive our relationship, but how my husband experiences me as well.

This revelation could have been crushing. Instead, it became a powerful opportunity to bridge the gap between my authentic self and how I show up day-to-day. The mirrors provided by those we love offer invaluable feedback about who we are versus who we want to be. When we can receive this feedback openly, without spiraling into feelings of failure or inadequacy, we gain a roadmap for growth.

Conscious partnership isn't a destination but a lifelong journey of learning and evolving. Each mirror, each moment of clarity, gives us another opportunity to align our actions with our values. I invite you to reflect on how the important people in your life experience you. Is there alignment between your perception of yourself and how others see you? The answer might surprise you—and it might just transform your relationships.

How would your loved ones describe the way you typically show up? What would it look like to intentionally create more moments that reflect your authentic self? Share your thoughts or reach out to me on social media!

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Six months into the "When Depression Is In Your Bed" podcast, I realized I'd barely touched on one of the most significant aspects of depression in relationships—the impact on sexual intimacy and physical connection. The bed isn't just where we sleep; it's where we dream, where we struggle with insomnia or can't find the energy to rise, and where we reach for connection with our partners.

Physical intimacy becomes particularly fascinating when viewed through the lens of nervous system regulation. Our nervous system can be in one of three states: ventral (safe and connected), sympathetic (fight or flight), or dorsal (shutdown and depression). When depression takes hold, that dorsal state dominates, leaving us feeling disconnected and alone, even beside someone we love. Sex and touch can serve as powerful tools for co-regulation—the way two nervous systems help each other feel safe and connected.

Drawing from my 21-year relationship journey, I share how physical intimacy functions differently throughout a partnership affected by depression. In our early years, my husband and I were both "dorsal dwellers," finding safety in withdrawal but using physical connection to temporarily emerge. Sex was mutually beneficial co-regulation, creating bridges of connection between our often shutdown states. As time passed, patterns shifted—my husband began frequently reaching for intimacy when depressed as a means of feeling better, creating an imbalance where I felt more like a regulating tool than a partner. Resentment grew, leading to my own disconnection during intimate moments, creating a destructive cycle we've spent years untangling.

After years of working through this together, we made significant progress once we began to understand the language of our nervous systems. Without judgment, I could see his reaching for connection was his system seeking safety, rather than believing negative misinterpretations about his behavior. He could understand my withdrawal wasn't rejection but self-protection. This compassionate framework has transformed how we approach intimacy, allowing us to distinguish between different needs and experiences—sometimes one partner needs support, other times both are regulated enough to enjoy fully mutual connection.

This summer, I'll be sharing mini-episodes about my lived experiences navigating depression in relationships. Follow me @trish.sanders.lcsw on social media and check out my upcoming Getting the Love You Want workshops and retreats.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Discover the relationship-transforming power of "staying out of your stories" - a skill that can fundamentally change how you navigate conflicts with your partner. This episode reveals how our nervous systems create automatic narratives during tense moments that feel absolutely true but often lead us astray.

When conflict emerges, our brains instantly attach meaning to what's happening, creating stories that feel justified and accurate. But these narratives are heavily influenced by our current nervous system state, past experiences, and limited information. By recognizing when you're deep in these stories without either believing them fully or trying to suppress them, you create space for genuine understanding.

Through a candid personal example about a near-disastrous anniversary celebration, Trish shares how this technique saved what could have become a day-ruining argument. You'll learn how thoughts like "we're going to end up divorced" or "they never listen" are actually signals of dysregulation rather than reality - like objects in a side-view mirror that "may be less accurate than they appear."

This approach doesn't ask you to invalidate your feelings or thoughts. Instead, it invites you to recognize them as products of your nervous system's protective response while creating space for regulation. Once regulated, entirely new possibilities for connection and resolution become available that simply can't be accessed when consumed by reactive narratives.

Whether dealing with communication breakdowns, parenting disagreements, or recurring arguments, this practical skill opens doors to the conscious partnership you desire. Ready to transform conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding? This episode offers a roadmap to getting there, one regulated conversation at a time.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Feeling constantly disappointed by your partner—or feeling like you're always the one disappointing them? This painful dynamic shows up in nearly every relationship, creating a loop of frustration that can feel impossible to escape.

As a therapist and someone who's lived this pattern in my own marriage, I can tell you there's a way out. The breakthrough comes from understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system during these interactions. When you feel disappointed, your body moves into a "fight" response—you take over responsibilities, complain, or try to "fix" your partner. Meanwhile, your partner's system responds with "freeze"—withdrawing, avoiding, or shutting down. Neither response is wrong; both are protective mechanisms trying to keep you safe.

What keeps this cycle spinning are the stories we attach to these experiences. "If I don't do it, nobody will." "I'm always letting them down." "Things will never change." These narratives feel absolutely true, but they're actually interpretations your brain automatically attaches to nervous system responses—and they can be questioned.

The path forward involves regulating your nervous system before approaching conflicts, examining your stories, and getting curious about how you might unconsciously contribute to maintaining the very dynamic you want to change. Most surprising for me was discovering part of my identity was wrapped up in "doing it all"—I was unconsciously resistant to true partnership!

The Imago Intentional Dialogue offers a structured way to break this pattern, creating safety for both partners to explore what's happening beneath the surface. This isn't about putting up with frustration—it's about creating conditions where both partners can grow together toward the relationship you truly want.

Ready to shift this dynamic in your relationship? Subscribe to follow this series, and reach out if you're interested in relationship therapy, coaching, or attending a Getting the Love You Want workshop where you can learn these transformative tools firsthand.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Discover the relationship dynamic that may be silently sabotaging your connection with your partner. In this eye-opening exploration, I reveal how well-intentioned efforts to help our partners often create a painful pattern where one person feels chronically disappointed while the other internalizes being the disappointment.

Drawing from my personal journey through marital separation and reconciliation, I share how this revelation transformed my approach to conflict. When my husband struggled with depression, I threw myself into "helping" – researching therapists, sharing resources, and offering constant suggestions. From the outside, I appeared to be the model supportive spouse. Yet beneath these actions lay an unconscious message: "there's something wrong with you that needs fixing." Every well-meaning suggestion reinforced his inadequacy and my position as the expert who knew better.

This pattern appears not just during mental health challenges but in everyday interactions. When we repeatedly express frustration with our partners, we unintentionally communicate that they're fundamentally flawed. No wonder they respond with defensiveness or shutdown! As Aboriginal activist Lilla Watson wisely noted: "If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." This shift from a hierarchical helping relationship to true partnership changes everything.

Breaking free from this dynamic requires several crucial shifts: understanding nervous system regulation, separating events from the stories we create about them, focusing on our own contributions rather than our partner's shortcomings, and learning effective communication skills. When we move from trying to fix our partner to working together as equals, we create the foundation for genuine growth and lasting connection.

Join me next episode as I dive deeper into specific strategies for creating partnership rather than perpetuating the disappointed-disappointment cycle. Your relationship transformation awaits!

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

The path to a transformed relationship rarely follows a straight line. Most couples encounter significant challenges when trying to work together toward positive change, often finding themselves caught in familiar cycles of frustration despite their best intentions.

This episode explores two pivotal moments where partnership efforts commonly derail: at the very beginning when trying to establish teamwork, and when discovering you and your partner want different next steps. Both challenges reveal something profound about how our nervous systems interpret differences as threats, creating protective responses that block genuine connection.

Drawing from Polyvagal Theory and Imago Relationship Therapy, I share practical guidance for navigating these roadblocks. You'll discover why your nervous system state matters more than your words when approaching your partner, how to extend genuine invitations rather than demands, and ways to transform differences from threats into opportunities for deeper understanding.

We explore the common "disappointed-disappointment" dynamic that leaves one partner feeling chronically let down while the other feels perpetually inadequate despite their efforts. This pattern creates serious obstacles to partnership but also offers clues about what's needed for real change.

The journey isn't about perfection but practice. Each attempt to work together—even the messy ones—represents growth toward creating a relationship model you may never have witnessed before. This simultaneously exciting and frightening process requires compassion for both yourself and your partner as you learn to maintain regulated nervous systems and connect through differences rather than despite them.

Whether you're just beginning to shift toward partnership or already encountering obstacles along the way, this episode provides guidance for transforming struggle into opportunity. Subscribe and share with anyone who might benefit from understanding how to take steps together, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.