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Boundaries, Updated and Expanded Edition

When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Written by: John Townsend, Henry Cloud
Narrated by: Henry O. Arnold
Length: 11 hrs and 18 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (65 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Boundaries is the book that's helped more than 2 million people learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of their lives.

Does your life feel like it's out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone's requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others' feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you've forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it's all of the above.

In the New York Times best seller, Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of your life and set healthy, biblical boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself.

Now updated and expanded for the digital age, this book continues to help millions of people around the world answer these tough questions:

  • Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
  • What are legitimate boundaries?
  • How do I effectively manage my digital life so that it doesn't control me?
  • What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
  • How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
  • Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
  • How do boundaries relate to mutual submission within marriage?
  • Aren’t boundaries selfish?

You don’t have to let your life spiral out of control. Discover how boundaries make life better today!

Plus, check out the Boundaries family collection of books dedicated to key areas of life - dating, marriage, raising kids, parenting teens, and leadership. Workbooks and Spanish editions are also available.

©2008 Henry Cloud (P)2017 Zondervan

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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A necessary lesson

This was a good book on why boundaries are essential to any success in life. I liked the specific examples and a description of a person with no boundaries vs one with well defined boundaries.
We all are like a city without walls waiting to be invaded when boundaries are missing.
Personally, I was a child in a verbally abusive home where drug abuse was also present. There were fights and screams for which I had zero context. The lack of clear boundaries had a profound impact on me. Only now, in my 30s am I coming to grips with the damage done and that I will need to work on myself a lot to experience better relationships. Setting boundaries is very diff but so vital!

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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Too religious

I couldn't get through the content because they made references to Bible verses every few lines. I'm not opposed to Bible verses, but not when it upsets the flow of the novel.

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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highly recommend

helps you understand your situation and helps you with your true relationships. highly recommend it

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Good content, took time to get used to narrator

after listening to the lines of brene brown, the narrator on this one could have paused and inflected more. I found out hard to follow at first with all of the scripture references and chapter and heading changes. it was a bit distracting. after awhile, I did get into it.

loved the chapter on parenting. there was lots of great stuff!

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  • Al
  • 2018-07-08

A life changing must-read!

Likely the most comprehensive book on boundaries available. I hadn't a clue boundaries could be so all-encompassing.

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Too religious

The sheer volume of scripture and references to The Bible made me fantasize about inventing an app that could go through the book and delete all bible references. I imagine the book would be 1/3 the size after deleting scripture passages. It was judgmental and non-inclusive in some parts, even abit victim-blamey (as most fundamentally Christian-based things are) I can handle religious references but man was this book full on bible immersion school. The information on boundaries was good but if you’re not steeped in Christianity you’re probably better off buying another of the plethora of good boundary books out there.

1 of 3 people found this review helpful

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This is a biblical view

I strongly recommend they announce on the cover when it’s a religious view. I am not evaluating the quality but the non transparency.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Victoria Robben
  • La Jolla, CA, United States
  • 2018-06-06

Wonderful but should probably mention religion or the Bible in title

This is a great book. All the information, examples, and strategies related to boundaries was wonderful! I wish I learned this earlier! It’s helped me so much already, and will continue to help me be more responsible and healthier in my relationships, work, home life, and health. Psychologically sound, with lots of insight and practical wisdom. I’m not religious and at first was a little turned off by all the biblical references, but they were presented very well and from a rational and helpful perspective. No shaming, blaming, guilt, or judgment. I enjoyed learning about the Bible from this positive perspective.

114 of 118 people found this review helpful

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  • Christina Gelder
  • Seattle, WA
  • 2019-03-21

Lots of biblical references

LOTS of biblical references which may be a deal breaker for some and often would be for me but in this case it was fine which just goes to show what a well written book it was and what a great message!

20 of 21 people found this review helpful

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  • Vikki
  • 2018-07-20

LIFE CHANGING

I would recommend this book to all Christians and non-Christians alike. This book details concrete examples of boundaries and why they are so important. By the end it gives you the steps you will need to implement boundaries and live a healthy non-destructive lifestyle. This book will help you identify what might be holding you back. I never expected to feel so great about a book. I have since gifted this book to 5 people 😀

35 of 39 people found this review helpful

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  • Nicole Luchaco
  • 2019-03-04

Legitimately changed my life

I read the first 7 chapters 6 years ago, and it radically changed the way that I did life. 7 years later I came back and listened to the whole thing, and had the same experience. This book gave me the courage to say no. And to know when to say yes. I have shared this book with more people than I can count. And whenever they follow through with reading it, I hear the same thing “This book changed my life.”

12 of 13 people found this review helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2019-09-24

Not what I thought it would be

I have nothing against the Bible but this is just a steady stream of quoted bible verses. Just not what I expected.

6 of 7 people found this review helpful

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  • Kevin
  • 2019-10-08

WOW! A must read.

This book was recommended by several friends. And now I know why! As a people pleaser, it has helped open my eyes and create boundaries so I can have healthy relationships. As some of us were raised in broken homes where boundaries were not taught, this is a HUGE help to guide us and teach us about those healthy boundaries not only for ourselves but for those around us. I highly recommend!

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • robbie samuel
  • 2019-05-30

everything i needed and more

John breaks it down he sums me up in a nutshell. i have a lot to work on but eagar to be the best version of me by exercising love and staying true to my boundaries

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • joe bateman
  • 2019-02-25

Learned a lot - don’t know what you don’t know

Very encouraging and convicting read. Definitely have to have an open mind. We don’t know what we don’t know. This helps address bad thinking and personal boundary setting for oneself and with others. Opened my eyes to areas in my life that I thought were normal issues that I would just live with. Now I know I can address them and improve. This book provides tangible, step by step ways to address boundaries and setting new ones.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Kyle
  • 2019-02-07

More than expected. Uplifting!

This book opened my eyes to the consequences of not having boundaries, and the blessings of having firm boundaries. I feel encouraged and excited to continue developing this skill!

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Shandra L Jordan
  • 2019-01-17

This book will help you reflect<br />

I do not subscribe to a religion but the principles in this book are universal

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2019-03-20

too much religion

the book has interesting views, but the continuous references to the bible make it a strenuous read